[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

[Moiety]

(Urban Dictionary: enfp).

Lol! You know you're fucked when there's an Urban Dictionary entry for ya.

 

[Lady_X]

so...i think as long as you're just being friendly and warm with someone than it's okay but there is a line and you shouldn't cross it unless you mean it....imo.

eta: what a judgmental sounding statement...didn't mean it that way. that was an attempt at advice for the op

 

[Lady_X]

Lol! You know you're fucked when there's an Urban Dictionary entry for ya.

omg that was SO funny...haha...he said careful...she's a total enfp...haha

 

[Salomé]

Precisely. This is EXACTLY the kind of interaction I have been referring to. I see no "unspoken sexual promise" anywhere in this equation.

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I did try to make the distinction clear in my post(s).

so...i think as long as you're just being friendly and warm with someone than it's okay but there is a line and you shouldn't cross it unless you mean it....imo.

Yup. People (usually men) can still get confused by over-friendliness but you can't hold yourself accountable for them reading more into the situation than was warranted.

Glad we cleared that one up. What's next?

 

[professor goodstain]

Sorry i read (past tense) too much into it.

 

[seeker22]

I see where you are coming from...

I own these actions: having an intense conversation with someone, smiling, making eye contact, being completely engaged, showing warmth and empathy, asking questions, giving feedback and positive attention, laughing, validating their perspective thoughts or feelings, demonstrating curiosity in regard to the recipient's life and plight, humorously joking and having witty banter...

The above described behavior is CLASSIC ENFP behavior - TOWARDS EVERYONE!

So, what I DON'T own is, after the interaction I just described, the recipient walking away going "YEP! That person WANTS me!

I don't even know if it would be fair to call that behavior flirting, but ENFPs are often ACCUSED of it. That is, most people misconstrue the attention that ENFPs naturally and sincerely lavish on them. So then, we are "branded" flirts. And this is what I question.

Regarding dating an ENFP - it seems, if you truly love them, it follows that you will also TRULY UNDERSTAND THEM. That being said, anyone who is romantically involved with an ENFP would hopefully know, accept, and appreciate this about their ENFP, rather than feel insecure or threatened by it or read way more into it than actually exists.

This type of FRIENDLY behavior is innate for an ENFP. Would you expect an INTP to call you twice a day just to say hi? Absolutely not. You have to know and accept that INTPs have a higher personal space circle. Likewise, generally speaking, ENFPs have a personal magnetism that *just IS.*

I do not like to see ENFPs condemned for something that is as natural to them as breathing.

We accept the nuances of other types, and we deserve the same understanding and respect that we give to other types.

 

[Lady_X]

true...seeker i agree if we engage with people that way...it means we like you and enjoy your company doesn't mean we want to date you...we/i do act much differently when we do want to date you i think. it's just that people who don't know you don't realize that yet...i think when we are actually flirting it's pretty obvious.

 

[jenocyde]

Bingo.

I will say that my flirtatious and goofy forum behavior is nonexistent when I navigate myself socially, in the real world. If I encounter flirtation I get immediately suspicious.

That's so funny because online, I am much sterner and colder and detached. This computer is a wall for me. In person, I am much more gregarious and outgoing. It's hard for me to go 10 minutes without laughter. Is that flirting? I don't think so, but others might.

 

[Amargith]

Seeker: I so totally agree with you. Unfortunately the world is never gonna understand nor change. That's why I started working with disclaimers. Saves me a lot of trouble that way.

 

[Lady_X]

That's so funny because online, I am much sterner and colder and detached. This computer is a wall for me. In person, I am much more gregarious and outgoing. It's hard for me to go 10 minutes without laughter. Is that flirting? I don't think so, but others might.

i am too...i suck at foruming kinda. i don't feel like my personality comes out in text...which is beyond frustrating for me!

and laughing?? really is that considered flirting because i'm a happy laugh a lot kind of person too...hmmmm.

 

[Synarch]

This thread is horrible now, just horrible!

I blame the non-ENFPs like Synarch and sanveane.

To the ENFPs:

You just like preying on their puppy-like cluelessness, you old Internet lothario.

oooh, I had a yummy dose of this yesterday working with three guys, two enfps and an entp. The enfps were the sweetest ever but no eye contact. The entp, very pointed direct eye contact, fucking smart guy too, was so SEXY!

Funny though as six months ago I would have been like the other two and not noticed as I wasn't making eye contact with people. Yesterday I made direct eye contact back, and then he started talking about his kids.

Direct eye contact is like cocaine for personal interactions.

I've dated ENFPs in the past and this is one of the biggest issues that we would always run into (in addition to flakiness). They would flirt with other women and act like it was no big deal. How is it not a big deal that you're touching, dancing with, and chatting up another woman as if you're single? It's disrespectful. And once it did go so far that the ENFP cheated, and that ended our relationship. I'm not going to keep my partner on a leash to make sure they behave appropriately.

Bingo.

I dunno, to me it's just my type of bantering. Just like some NTs like to insult each other, which other types don't like either btw, I just enjoy sexual innuendo to test how quick-witted the other person is, and yes, what kind of person they are. And it has the pleasant side-effect of creating a warmth and comfort that makes bonding more easy. And depending on the person and the click we have, it can go pretty far (at least in my case). I do agree that you should make the situation clear up front (hey, im not looking for a bf, i'm taken, i'm just joking about, etc), but then I find that there's just as many who use insults to banter that don't give the other party this curtesy.

What. The. Fuck. Ever.

I should have bolded that whole thing.

Will you NTs quit ruining the cool NFs???

Don't trust him, NF's.

Blue, i realise it was created by an ENFP, but I think it was meant to seek understanding. Anycase, you might not agree with it, but it really is between me and my SO. He knows this about me, and has no problem with it, so I don't see why it should be a problem at all. He's fortunately not the jealous type. If I knew I was hurting him and making him unhappy, I wouldn't do this. But that's one of the reasons why I love him: he accepts and loves me for being who I am, including this part of me.

Maybe he just knows your soul is a black hole of need and is thankful that you have found a way to scratch that itch without sucking him into it completely.

 

[Rachelinpa]

i am too...i suck at foruming kinda. i don't feel like my personality comes out in text...which is beyond frustrating for me!

Agreed. It's just the forums though. Sometimes I read what I write and I don't even think I wrote it. AIMing is better... more fluid.

 

[professor goodstain]

If it helps. The mental picture i formulate through observation by your writing is not at all cold nor detatched. That's to both jeno and erin. The mental picture is quite happy and gregarious or i wouldn't have borderline stalked you to the point of overlapping this forum with a computer dating site in my brain Ne sometimes gets the two confused.

 

[violaine]

This thread is horrible now, just horrible!

I blame the non-ENFPs like Synarch and sanveane.

To the ENFPs:

Pfft you! I'm trying to figure out what is behind it. What is horrible is watching your SO go at it with others in that particular way.

And though I said it earlier, I was talking about flirting, not just being friendly, there's a vast difference! I'm very friendly and none of my partners have ever accused me of flirting.

 

[MacGuffin]

You just like preying on their puppy-like cluelessness, you old Internet lothario.



Direct eye contact is like cocaine for personal interactions.



Bingo.



What. The. Fuck. Ever.

I should have bolded that whole thing.



Don't trust him, NF's.



Maybe he just knows your soul is a black hole of need and is thankful that you have found a way to scratch that itch without sucking him into it completely.

Sheesh.

One of the reasons this forum was created is because @ INTPc the NFs would swoop down with moralistic judgments on the INTPs and tell us how horrible we were behaving/thinking/feeling. This created understandable backlash, and eventually this forum was born.

To see an NT do the same to NFs... for shame! For shame!







There is an INTP Appreciation thread, why is there not an ENFP Flirting thread?

 

[Synarch]

Pfft you! I'm trying to figure out what is behind it. What is horrible is watching your SO go at it with others in that particular way.

And though I said it earlier, I was talking about flirting, not just being friendly, there's a vast difference! I'm very friendly and none of my partners have ever accused me of flirting.

The only problem is one person's friendly is another person's flirting.

 

[Lady_X]

If it helps. The mental picture i formulate through observation by your writing is not at all cold nor detatched. That's to both jeno and erin. The mental picture is quite happy and gregarious or i wouldn't have borderline stalked you to the point of overlapping this forum with a computer dating site in my brain Ne sometimes gets the two confused.

that's encouraging......

 

[Rachelinpa]

The only problem is one person's friendly is another person's flirting.

Can't you do both? What if you start by being friendly and then change your mind midway? When does it transition?

 

[Synarch]

Sheesh.

One of the reasons this forum was created is because @ INTPc the NFs would swoop down with moralistic judgments on the INTPs and tell us how horrible we were behaving/thinking/feeling. This created understandable backlash, and eventually this forum was born.

To see an NT do the same to NFs... for shame! For shame!

If you can't stand the heat...

Seriously, if you can't defend your questionable moral behavior against scrutiny is that my problem or your problem?

 

[MacGuffin]

If you can't stand the heat...

Seriously, if you can't defend your questionable moral behavior against scrutiny is that my problem or your problem?

SHAME