[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

[seeker22]

Oh, so if I go waving money around in your face and you reach for it, that's on me? Does that mean you should brazenly wave money in someone's face or become surprised if they grab for it or become hurt if your SO doesn't like you waving her money around in case people grab at it?

If I was rich it would not matter that you waved money in my face. Again, depends on the recipient.

 

[Synarch]

If I was rich it would not matter that you waved money in my face. Again, depends on the recipient.

Sam Walton even after being a billionaire would still bend over and reach for a nickel lying on the ground. Can you at least assent that most people will reach for money you wave in their face?

 

[violaine]

Just because you jerk off, doesn't NECESSARILY mean I would get aroused. That's my point. Depends on the recipient.

Hmm, so are you asking that no one take your attention seriously? Idk, it just seems like not wanting to see that a certain behavior has... a certain effect. Trying to understand here. I am not talking about being friendly, I am talking about trying to have an effect or whip someone into a romantic/sexual state and have them react to you.

How do you engage when you are interested in someone? Is there a difference?

Also, I would be really concerned if my partner didn't have a problem with me flirting if I did it. To me it would mean things were not at all where I want them to be. I understand that everyone is different. But I have a hard time fathoming that that can come from a good place for the relationship. Maybe it is something that creeps in when people have been together a while?

 

[Lady_X]

we/i have levels of intimacy that we're willing to share with different people...it's not indiscriminate really... but i appreciate connecting with people on certain levels...i don't think that makes me an emotional slut. it makes me someone who gives a shit about people and value the experience of getting to know someone.

 

[seeker22]

Sam Walton even after being a billionaire would still bend over and reach for a nickel lying on the ground. Can you at least assent that most people will reach for money you wave in their face?

For a nickel??? Nope. Again - that is unique to Sam Walton. Hugh Hefner might have a different reaction. I don't think it would phase him.

 

[Lady_X]

Sam Walton even after being a billionaire would still bend over and reach for a nickel lying on the ground. Can you at least assent that most people will reach for money you wave in their face?

i wouldn't...i'd say get that shit out of my face you presumptuous ass.

 

[seeker22]

Hmm, so are you asking that no one take your attention seriously?

Take my attention at face value yes - but the ultimate INTERPRETATION I think lies with the recipient.

 

[violaine]

^It isn't neutral behavior. As long as that is understood. Of course anyone with some sense will not take a flirtatious person seriously, but I think it's a loss to that person myself. I'm curious as to what anyone derives from it. I think it's likely for validation...? Perhaps wanting a quick hit but not wanting to bother with anything more than that?

 

[Synarch]

^It isn't neutral behavior. As long as that is understood. Of course anyone with some sense will not take a flirtatious person seriously, but I think it's a loss to that person myself. I'm curious as to what anyone derives from it. I think it's likely for validation...? Perhaps wanting a quick hit but not wanting to bother with anything more than that?

I think it's partly an extravert thing. We try to get what we need emotionally from the outer world, which means other people.

 

[violaine]

^Sure, I understand that. I've seen plenty of introverts do it too though, I don't think that need is confined to the Es.

 

[Synarch]

^Sure, I understand that. I've seen plenty of introverts do it too though, I don't think that need is confined to the Es.

I think the problem with the flirting is trying to create a connection by way of a sexualized or quasi-intimate shortcut. Rather than letting connection emerge over time.

 

[violaine]

Well, it's not really connection though... it's validation isn't it? Or wanting to create an effect? That isn't connection... hmm, unless they are trying to create connection and I've just completely missed that part of it.

 

[Synarch]

Well, it's not really connection though... it's validation isn't it? Or wanting to create an effect? That isn't connection... hmm, unless they are trying to create connection and I've just completely missed that part of it.

Could be a lot of things. The intent I mean. Could be gold panning, could be connection seeking, could be narcissistic supply, etc.

 

[violaine]

^Hmm yes, narcissistic supply... I keep forgetting about that!

 

[sculpting]

Take my attention at face value yes - but the ultimate INTERPRETATION I think lies with the recipient.

This is dangerous I think. Once you realize you may be sending a signal it kind of falls back to you to reconsider how you choose to send that signal and how the respondee may take it. It may be all about intentions and the realization you are acting this way.

I am a poor example of a flirting enfp, but recently my entp buddy pointed out that I sort of flirt with boys at work. I was mortified. I love them like family. I have an three entire buildings of older brothers who I adore. To think that I was getting them to help me by unintentionally promising something sexual really made me sad.

So I paid more attention. Pure Fi style love doesnt seem to have the sexual undertones. It is what I use mostly. Pure Ne is just hysterical and makes them giggle and comes up with ideas like rebilding instruments out of lemon jello. Ne-Fi-Te is a naughty girl, however mostly I use this for fun on other girls. It works well when a puppy grenade is needed to get things moving.

However as I understand more of the functions now I am left with the nagging concern that I manipulate people even though it is perfectly natural to behave this way... Is it right to keep using these things now that I understand how I am "using" them. I dont know.

 

[sculpting]

I'm being provocative but it is a question I have thought of.

Slut = indiscriminate with something that should be confined to a relationship

Are there other similar forms of being indiscriminate?

But for an enfp how do you define relationship? Everyone I encounter becomes part of my cosmic whole and gets sorted into clan or no-clan catagories. With the clan catagory I have a relationship, thus I express Fi style affection. This could be me though..

 

[MacGuffin]

This thread is horrible now, just horrible!

I blame the non-ENFPs like Synarch and sanveane.

To the ENFPs:

 

[jenocyde]

This is dangerous I think. Once you realize you may be sending a signal it kind of falls back to you to reconsider how you choose to send that signal and how the respondee may take it. It may be all about intentions and the realization you are acting this way.

I hear ya, sister. I flirt with everyone. Everyone. I call it flirting now because I have been accused of it for so long and that's the word people understand, but in my head I'm just being friendly. I find nothing sexual about being friendly. My cousin (male) took me to dinner with a male friend of his. I had never met this man before and he worked in a profession I was interested in. So, being my curious self, I was asking him questions all night. After dinner he left and my cousin asked if he should set me up with that guy - since I was flirting with him the whole night. I was so baffled by that.

On the way home on the subway, an elderly lady sat down next to me and asked me about directions. She seemed so sweet and we started talking. She told me about her children and her living through all different hardships. When she got off the train, my cousin said "nevermind, I get it now. you look people in the eye intensely and pay attention them. I guess people rarely look directly in my eyes, so when they do, it feels like flirting"

When I am actually flirting, I am aware of it and it feels so purposeful and sexual and it involves my whole body. It is in a completely different style from what I just described. And I don't do that often.

I think 50% of it is intention (of the "flirter") and the other 50% of it is in the perception (of the "flirtee"). That being said, I am now conscious of how much eye contact I make with people and look away more often, even though it feels awkward and unnatural to do so.

 

[Salomé]

No wonder you're so confused. You can't even tell when someone is jerking you off.

LMAO!

Sums up the thread really.

 

[sculpting]

On the way home on the subway, an elderly lady sat down next to me and asked me about directions. She seemed so sweet and we started talking. She told me about her children and her living through all different hardships. When she got off the train, my cousin said "nevermind, I get it now. you look people in the eye intensely and pay attention them. I guess people rarely look directly in my eyes, so when they do, it feels like flirting"

.

oooh, I had a yummy dose of this yesterday working with three guys, two enfps and an entp. The enfps were the sweetest ever but no eye contact. The entp, very pointed direct eye contact, fucking smart guy too, was so SEXY!

Funny though as six months ago I would have been like the other two and not noticed as I wasn't making eye contact with people. Yesterday I made direct eye contact back, and then he started talking about his kids.