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  1. #71
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Blue, i realise it was created by an ENFP, but I think it was meant to seek understanding. Anycase, you might not agree with it, but it really is between me and my SO. He knows this about me, and has no problem with it, so I don't see why it should be a problem at all. He's fortunately not the jealous type. If I knew I was hurting him and making him unhappy, I wouldn't do this. But that's one of the reasons why I love him: he accepts and loves me for being who I am, including this part of me.
    Yeah, like I said. Kinda taking it personally there.

    In any even, what the OP was asking about was more the jokey flirty type of behaviour:
    As an ENFP, I am often times accused of being a hopeless flirt... In my mind, I'm simply playfully engaging others and giving them attention. My ex gf (SJ) and I would get in huge fights over this for the five years we were together. (And btw no I never cheated) She said I had no "emotional boundaries." What really sucks is when you think you are just being fun and nice, and the other person mistakes it for genuine romantic interest. Others?
    Emotional boundaries have been an issue for the ENFPs I've known. I think having this pointed out might be helpful? I also strongly believe that we are frequently not the best judge of our own motivations. It's too easy to deceive ourselves so that our self-image and behaviour have some kind of congruence.

    To assume one can engage in hardcore flirting without any kind of consequence is rather naive at best.

    What I don't understand is that the whole premise of the kind of flirting you are talking about is built on a lie, it's a promise without payment. Whereas true connection/bonding is built on authenticity, mutual disclosure and trust. I don't see how one leads to the other. Perhaps you can explain that?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    What I don't understand is that the whole premise of the kind of flirting you are talking about is built on a lie, it's a promise without payment. Whereas true connection/bonding is built on authenticity, mutual disclosure and trust. I don't see how one leads to the other. Perhaps you can explain that?
    That's kinda typical. I think the issue is that we ENFPs tend to generally be nice to others but we just live in a very cynical society where no one expects attention and openness, just like that.

  3. #73
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    This thread is horrible now, just horrible!

    I blame the non-ENFPs like Synarch and sanveane.

    To the ENFPs:
    that's what i like to see...backatcha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #74
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    As an ENFP, I am often times accused of being a hopeless flirt... In my mind, I'm simply playfully engaging others and giving them attention. My ex gf (SJ) and I would get in huge fights over this for the five years we were together. (And btw no I never cheated) She said I had no "emotional boundaries." What really sucks is when you think you are just being fun and nice, and the other person mistakes it for genuine romantic interest. Others?
    Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting. But, if someone I was dating was bothered by my behavior to the point of being unhappy in the relationship, then that's something to consider. How much are you willing to accommodate or adjust for your significant other.

  5. #75
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Yeah, like I said. Kinda taking it personally there.

    In any even, what the OP was asking about was more the jokey flirty type of behaviour:


    Emotional boundaries have been an issue for the ENFPs I've known. I think having this pointed out might be helpful? I also strongly believe that we are frequently not the best judge of our own motivations. It's too easy to deceive ourselves so that our self-image and behaviour have some kind of congruence.

    To assume one can engage in hardcore flirting without any kind of consequence is rather naive at best.

    What I don't understand is that the whole premise of the kind of flirting you are talking about is built on a lie, it's a promise without payment. Whereas true connection/bonding is built on authenticity, mutual disclosure and trust. I don't see how one leads to the other. Perhaps you can explain that?

    IME it does. And yes, it may seem like I take things personal, coz I take it from personal experience, so here I go again (I do this coz I don't wanna speak for others btw):

    The thing is that the fun flirty banter just allows you to get to know someone without really having any pressure and keeping it lighthearthed. If you do keep talking to each other, there's usually a pretty good click. You get to know stuff about each other, you tend to talk about personal things, so the bond is very real. You connect. But the flirting is just a means to facilitate this and to also interject some humor and some lightheartedness into more serious conversations. Also, it tends to provide comforting and an accepting feeling from both sides.

    To me, those feelings are real. The flirting might be meant in a joking way and is more a means to an end, but the effect it has, is real, and creates a feeling of safety andtrust with the other person often. And that kinda intense bond is precious to me, so I do seek it out. Mind you, this doesn't happen with every person you encounter, as there are levels of intensity in friendship as well, and I treasure all of those connections, as they all have their benefits.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  6. #76
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    being my curious self, I was asking him questions all night. After dinner he left and my cousin asked if he should set me up with that guy - since I was flirting with him the whole night. I was so baffled by that.

    On the way home on the subway, an elderly lady sat down next to me and asked me about directions. She seemed so sweet and we started talking. She told me about her children and her living through all different hardships. When she got off the train, my cousin said "nevermind, I get it now. you look people in the eye intensely and pay attention them. I guess people rarely look directly in my eyes, so when they do, it feels like flirting"
    Precisely. This is EXACTLY the kind of interaction I have been referring to. I see no "unspoken sexual promise" anywhere in this equation.

    ENFPs have a natural curiosity that drives them, and this curiosity towards and engagement with others can oft times be misinterpreted.

  7. #77
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    IME it does. And yes, it may seem like I take things personal, coz I take it from personal experience, so here I go again (I do this coz I don't wanna speak for others btw):

    The thing is that the fun flirty banter just allows you to get to know someone without really having any pressure and keeping it lighthearthed. If you do keep talking to each other, there's usually a pretty good click. You get to know stuff about each other, you tend to talk about personal things, so the bond is very real. You connect. But the flirting is just a means to facilitate this and to also interject some humor and some lightheartedness into more serious conversations. Also, it tends to provide comforting and an accepting feeling from both sides.

    To me, those feelings are real. The flirting might be meant in a joking way and is more a means to an end, but the effect it has, is real, and creates a feeling of safety andtrust with the other person often. And that kinda intense bond is precious to me, so I do seek it out. Mind you, this doesn't happen with every person you encounter, as there are levels of intensity in friendship as well, and I treasure all of those connections, as they all have their benefits.
    Ah. That's interesting, thanks. I guess we just perceive these things differently. I'm inclined to think the person is a horrible fake, or confusing, at best. Which creates, rather than breaks down boundaries for me. That's probably why INTPs suck at flirting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #78
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Flirting is not without consequence. This is a recent epiphany for me. I used to think it was harmless.
    This sums up the thread.

    Flirtation adds a color, fun, and edge to personal interaction, and the world would be less interesting without it. Light flirtation doesn't mean sexual interest by any means, but it does introduce a sexual element. When you add that sexual element, no matter how slight, it opens the door up to confusion.

    As a fellow _NFP, I understand the flirtation for what it is - a way to intensify personal interaction. I can see how it can create confusion with some people. (Urban Dictionary: enfp).

    It's a fair price to pay, but it's nonetheless a price to pay.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post

    So where does the RESPONSIBILITY lie? The initiator or the recipient?


    Can a flirt really control how someone interprets their remarks?
    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Take my attention at face value yes - but the ultimate INTERPRETATION I think lies with the recipient.
    All this is fine, as long as it's not a fancy way of saying you don't want to take responsibility for your own actions.

  9. #79
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Ah. That's interesting, thanks. I guess we just perceive these things differently. I'm inclined to think the person is a horrible fake, or confusing, at best. Which creates, rather than breaks down boundaries for me. That's probably why INTPs suck at flirting.
    Bingo.

    I will say that my flirtatious and goofy forum behavior is nonexistent when I navigate myself socially, in the real world. If I encounter flirtation I get immediately suspicious.



  10. #80
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    As a fellow _NFP, I understand the flirtation for what it is - a way to intensify personal interaction.
    +100000000

    Though the rest of the post is equally valid, this to me, is the core.



    edit: Blue, thank you for understanding. And just like Jock indicated, I too am not nearly as flirty irl, as I am on here. Then the risks are higher, indeed, and caution is definitely advised at that point.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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