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  1. #401
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I had in mind a scenario when you already suspect someone is misinterpreting you. But there's no way that you can be sure unless they say something about it. So I think it would be their fault for not communicating that, unless the ENFP was knowingly leading them on.
    This is exactly what frustrates me. People assume, make decisions, and act without ever allowing me in the loop. Men ABSOLUTELY love to make decisions for me as if they're so into my mind that they already know what I'm thinking and what I'm saying.

    It's both people's responsibilities. I am always very clear in my intentions, and when my jokes or friendly behavior betrays someone's earlier thoughts, I correct them as soon as they say something. The problem is... people don't like to do that saying something. They allow me to remain clueless of the change, and they keep assuming and then when they finally do.. they get pissed off AT ME for my behavior and for 'not saying anything sooner'!

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    It just means that some people like "connecting" more than they like being taken seriously.
    Depending on the situation, yes. I have no desire to be taken seriously by people who aren't serious or during conversations not made to be serious. I wouldn't think friendly behavior that seems flirtacious to some would be at all inserted into a serious conversation.

    I do think that you can be friendly and lighthearted sometimes, and serious other times. If you're always one way or another it's not much fun.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

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  2. #402
    Charting a course
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    I'm getting dizzy. Let's summarize.

    Overly sensitive people, people in a committed relationship, and those with interpersonal communication problems, shouldn't flirt.

    And those people who do, should learn to read other people well enough to understand if/when they interpret it incorrectly. And be ready to stop and apologize if necessary.

    And if they accidentally hurt someone they should commit harakiri to extirpate their shame.


  3. #403
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^ Or people who work, apparently...

    "We expected that people who enjoy these acts would derive some benefits from them," she added. "We were very surprised to find that even those who say they enjoy it do not benefit from it."
    Berdahl offered a possible explanation.

    "Research in our culture has shown that such sexual behaviour connotes domination and subordinance; therefore, the effects can be negative, even if the person is not conscious of it."
    Hmmmm......
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #404
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ Sexual conversation at work amongst opposing sexes is never beneficial. I could have told you that without the study
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #405
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    It was the dominance/subordination and unconscious effects that I found interesting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #406
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    It was the dominance/subordination and unconscious effects that I found interesting.
    I wish they said what the negative unconscious effects were... now I'll never know.

  7. #407
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I wish they said what the negative unconscious effects were... now I'll never know.
    Makes you bark like a dog. Apparently.

    employees who were most positive about enjoying sexually charged discussions tended to report they felt less valued and were less productive than those who didn't. And they showed symptoms of depression more often than the employees who frowned on sexual banter in their office, the study's authors concluded. The findings appear in the journal of applied psychology.
    Kinda flies in the face of the whole, warmth and bonding argument.
    Which is what the researchers were expecting to find.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #408
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Kinda flies in the face of the whole, warmth and bonding argument.
    Which is what the researchers were expecting to find.
    If the flirting in the article is anything like the flirting I see at my work, it doesn't surprise me. These people are not flirting to create warmth and bonding.

  9. #409
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    If the flirting in the article is anything like the flirting I see at my work, it doesn't surprise me. These people are not flirting to create warmth and bonding.
    Can you expand?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #410
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Can you expand?
    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I f t h e f l i r t i n g i n t he a r t i c l e i s a n y t h i n g l i k e t h e f l i r t i n g I s e e a t m y w o r k , i t d o e s n ' t s u r p r i s e m e . T h e s e p e o p l e a r e n o t f l i r t i n g t o c r e a t e w a r m t h a n d b o n d i n g .


    Okay, okay... First, my work is probably only 15% female, and most of the men are > 45, so that may affect the dynamic... possibly by exaggerating it.

    On the male side, the few cute women in the company are pretty objectified. I see the guys flirt with these girls, and then I hear what they say afterward. These guys clearly enjoy the flirtation, but outside of fleeting pleasure it doesn't seem to offer much.

    Also, any bond they create tends to be tainted by the work and political atmosphere
    . The teasing, joking, challenging, and misdirection that can be involved with flirting doesn't fit in well when the games must stop and things need to get done now.

    On the female side, the women who are the largest flirts (in my company) are usually doing it with upper management to get their voices heard or get what they want. (This isn't counting a couple of women who are just pleasant and friendly, and one woman who would flirt with the doorknob if the office door was locked.)

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