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  1. #351
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    bluemonday called me a bitch the other day
    I called you my bitch, bitch, and you loved it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #352
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    In your hands
    Too easy, I know
    How do you know?
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  3. #353
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    I called you my bitch, bitch, and you loved it.
    If you don't get me some water or food soon I'm going to pass out.

  4. #354
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    None of the above. Mostly just not engage people who don't understand or appreciate me on anything other than a superficial basis.

    How does it get ugly?

    Oh I use that option to, but I save it for last, as I enjoy talking to people.


    Let's see. When I first learned about how flirting worked, I had no idea what I was doing or how it affected people. I was just being myself and enjoying the fact that I got along with people so well. One of the first things I learned early on was that a lot of guys already very much appreciate it someone just smiles at them and is approachable. But at that age (I was 17), those guys didn't have the insight anymore than I did and didn't realize that I was just being friendly. And some did take it the wrong way, which I thoroughly regretted. Later on, I lost also a soulmate this way. So I learned. I learned to indicate that I was in fact taken, that I was just joking. And, when that wasn't enough, how to stop doing what I was doing to prevent further harm, even if they didn't request me to do so, for our own good.

    I'm not saying I'm infallable at this. But I do try my best to make things crystal clear from the beginning. And I learn from every experience.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #355
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think staying on the high road is admirable. I just think there's a fundamental difference between expressing your personality and having someone accuse you of being flirtatious, and being actively flirtatious with intent to cheat or make your partner jealous. And I don't think it's as cut-and-dried as you want to make it in this thread.

    If you think that you have been flirtatious in the past and that you've inadvertently hurt some people or led them on, then I think it's cool for you to realize that about yourself and make an effort to change your stripes. But I think you have to keep in mind that not everyone will see things the same way--even people that you CAN trust, and who ARE reasonable and moral. It seems strange to me that you're determined to make everyone come to the same conclusion, when there are so many variables. One being that sometimes, no matter what you do to avoid it, some people will misread your signals, because they are not familiar with what your flirting mode looks like. You can avoid all possible ambiguity by completely toning down your personality and changing your style of interaction, going out of your way to avoid women altogether, etc., but how enjoyable is that going to be for you, in the long run?

    Obviously, I'm not saying to not be considerate of your SO--to me, as long as you're thinking about those ramifications, and how she might feel, you're on the right track. You could probably even cut yourself some slack.

    very well said...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #356
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    If you don't get me some water or food soon I'm going to pass out.
    *throws water on AJ*

    Is this flirting?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith
    When I first learned about how flirting worked, I had no idea what I was doing or how it affected people....
    OK, so now you're up front, it no longer has that effect?
    I'm not sure it's that simple.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #357
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    But they are also really good at not seeing what's right in front of them when they don't want to, or of justifying their behaviour as above reproach and "other-centred". Does my head in, because I'm almost always right about how it is going to do down, but we all have our blind spots.
    +1

    It seems when I question an EXFP's behavior, to understand why they have done something, they will get angry and make a big fuss instead of just answering the question. They say "I don't feel as if I should have to explain my behavior to you!" or "That's really not your business." Okay...that's not answering the question. I'm not criticizing, just inquiring.

  8. #358
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    *throws water on AJ*

    Is this flirting?
    Ahh my shirts all wet... *starts moving in slow motion*

  9. #359
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    *throws water on AJ*

    Is this flirting?

    OK, so now you're up front, it no longer has that effect?
    I'm not sure it's that simple.
    No, you're quite right. But I do keep tabs on it. If I notice that the other person doesn't handle it well, I stop on my own and confront them with it, so I can catch it in time. It happens quite rarely though. I'm not that irresistable that every guy feels the need to fall in love with me. Most just enjoy the closeness and company, which is exactly what I enjoy as well.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #360
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    It occurs to me that perhaps F-driven flirting *is* broadly about making connections. There isn't really much thought given to consequences. It's pretty spontaneous and driven by empathy. T-driven flirting is perhaps more strategic, more about analyzing the "rules" of the game and perfecting the play. Perhaps that's why Ts like Synarch and myself are quick to judge the behaviour more cynically?

    That's not to say that F-types don't flirt strategically or vice-versa.

    I've been trying to understand my own objections, and I think it comes down to this: the function of flirtatious behaviour in human society is broadly the same as that of courtship behaviour in lower animals - it signals sexual availability/desirability, and helps with pair-bonding.

    I guess it's the dishonesty of falsely signaling sexual availability that bothers me. If you tell someone you're taken, but you *signal* availability. You are sending out mixed messages. And we all know 90% of communication is non-verbal.

    I used to be paranoid about not sending out the wrong signals and so avoided anything that might be construed as flirtatious either in dress or behaviour. That's pretty boring though and cramps one's style too severely. But INTPs are pretty unavailable people in most respects. I don't like making a display of myself for the attention of random people and I don't want to pretend to be available when I'm not. So I don't really understand that impulse. ENFPs are much happier about putting on a show - you only have to look at all the self-avatars and photos posted here, as well as the expansive and animated way that they use language/emoticons/gestures to see that.

    They are just naturally "skilled" at this kind of courtship display, but the inappropriateness of the context is sometimes lost on them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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