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  1. #291
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    "This ENFP did this to me", "That ENFP did that to him", that kind of thing. As if a couple of examples sufficed or brought with them anything relevant to the the "ENFPs flirting with no sense of boundaries" claim.
    I made a few of these comments because I felt it was relevant to the discussion. To show that sometimes it's not just "harmless flirting," as some ENFPs believe.

    But really, I want to understand why some ENFPs flirt, even when they know they might not be able to control themselves if it goes too far. No ENFP has really answered that yet. From discussions with ENFP friends and family I glean that it is because they have an excruciating need to be liked and feel that they are affecting others. But I would like to hear other ENFPs' thoughts on this.

  2. #292
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    But really, I want to understand why some ENFPs flirt, even when they know they might not be able to control themselves if it goes too far. No ENFP has really answered that yet.
    I think it's been stated many times the answer to that question: ENFPs don't perceive flirting the same way as most people would.

    In the dictionary sense of the term, I would not flirt with anyone while in a relationship. I would not dare pretend to have any aim at looking outside of my relationship.

    And yet, I can still be known as a flirt. This is either from girls that do not do things the same way I do, or from men that think I am flirting when this is really just friendly banter. People are seeing and hearing what they want, instead of taking into consideration who is doing the talking.

    If I flirted with an 80 year old man, I doubt you'd think I was truly attempting to tactfully ask for sex or a date. Yet, if we were dating, and I said that same joke to handsome young man, you'd be offended. It's perception, and ENFPs are known for having a wider emotional range than other types.
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  3. #293
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    If I'm secure in the special connection I have with the SO, I wouldn't mind too much. There are so many interesting people in the world, self-censoring when you're in a relationship seems to be a waste...

  4. #294
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I made a few of these comments because I felt it was relevant to the discussion. To show that sometimes it's not just "harmless flirting," as some ENFPs believe.

    But really, I want to understand why some ENFPs flirt, even when they know they might not be able to control themselves if it goes too far. No ENFP has really answered that yet. From discussions with ENFP friends and family I glean that it is because they have an excruciating need to be liked and feel that they are affecting others. But I would like to hear other ENFPs' thoughts on this.
    Actually, Udog said it in the beginning of this thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    This sums up the thread.

    Flirtation adds a color, fun, and edge to personal interaction, and the world would be less interesting without it. Light flirtation doesn't mean sexual interest by any means, but it does introduce a sexual element. When you add that sexual element, no matter how slight, it opens the door up to confusion.

    As a fellow _NFP, I understand the flirtation for what it is - a way to intensify personal interaction. I can see how it can create confusion with some people. (Urban Dictionary: enfp).

    It's a fair price to pay, but it's nonetheless a price to pay.
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  5. #295
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    If I'm secure in the special connection I have with the SO, I wouldn't mind too much. There are so many interesting people in the world, self-censoring when you're in a relationship seems to be a waste...
    What is it that makes a relationship secure if not some expectation of fidelity and loyalty? Or are you talking about open relationships? I've never seen the point of those.

    Self-censoring isn't the same as self-restraint. That latter is a mark of love for your SO and respect for your relationship.
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  6. #296
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    If I'm secure in the special connection I have with the SO, I wouldn't mind too much. There are so many interesting people in the world, self-censoring when you're in a relationship seems to be a waste...
    +1

    A relationship with someone who constantly expects you to be only focussed on them is sufficating to say the least. Yes, they should come first, but no, I will not limit myself to only our little cocoon, nor do I expect them to do so. That just testifies of insecurity, jealousy, self-doubt and selfishness imo. People aren't possessions, and if you can recognize the good influence your partner has on you, then why would you begrudge the world that same beneficial influence? And if you do love them the way you claim to, and your bond is that solid, then trust should not be an issue.
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  7. #297
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    +1

    A relationship with someone who constantly expects you to be only focussed on them is sufficating to say the least. Yes, they should come first, but no, I will not limit myself to only our little cocoon, nor do I expect them to do so. That just testifies of insecurity, jealousy, self-doubt and selfishness imo. People aren't possessions, and if you can recognize the good influence your partner has on you, then why would you begrudge the world that same beneficial influence? And if you do love them the way you claim to, and your bond is that solid, then trust should not be an issue.
    Be honest. You want your cake and eat it, too. That's all I want to hear. It's not about depriving the world of your "beneficial influence" to not flirt. Give me a break.

    I don't really hear you ever talking about things from the point of view of what is best for your partner. Only what serves your own interests and inclination.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #298
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    LOL, if that's what you wanna hear, sure. I enjoy it, so why not enjoy it. What you don't seem to understand is that my SO actually sides with me and not with you on this issue. He doesn't see the need to lock me up and throw away the key unlike some, coz that would change who I am, and who he fell in love with.

    I've never cheated in my life. And I'm not planning on it. He knows that, and that's all he needs. And he in return gets a gf who doesn't constantly page him when he's away on business, checks his emails and screams at him when he doesn't check in with her every 5 minutes, but who is very happy to see him when he returns and does make him the center of her universe at that point. I'm not the only one with the need for personal space, nor the only one who appreciates it. It's the reason we survived as long as we have as a couple.
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  9. #299
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Cakes are kind of gorgeous though...

    ... couldn't drag me away

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  10. #300
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Wild, your not helping! Your only distracting!
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