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[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

Lauren Ashley

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Why are introverts introverted? Why can't they will themselves to spend more time with people?

Do you want this answered really? I think this would make an interesting thread, and I could definitely answer it for you.
 
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violaine

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If you are trying to approach this from a perspective of conscious effort I doubt you'll get an answer that will satisfy you. Why are introverts introverted? Why can't they will themselves to spend more time with people?

IF (and this is a big if) it's type related in any way I bet it's subconscious and as such not something easily put into words anyway.

This is more of the 'answering questions with questions/going around in circles'... Any answers are appreciated. I would just have liked to hear why some ENFPs think they do this, if they do it. Would have been interesting to me. (And I do think I know why introverts are introverted.)
 

Lady_X

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i think the reason none of your questions were answered is because you asked why we do something that most of us have said we don't in fact do. you wanted to know why we flirt...what was the need? right? if you'll look through the thread most enfps have said we aren't in fact flirting...we are being silly, playful, jokey having fun with people w/o sexual or romantic insinuations.

unless you want to know why a single person would flirt with someone they were attracted to then...it seems the answer is obvious...it's the same reason anyone does...we like them and want them to know...but...you're not asking that...right?
 

Amargith

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That's been answered twice imo, but here it is again:

This sums up the thread.

Flirtation adds a color, fun, and edge to personal interaction, and the world would be less interesting without it. Light flirtation doesn't mean sexual interest by any means, but it does introduce a sexual element. When you add that sexual element, no matter how slight, it opens the door up to confusion.

As a fellow _NFP, I understand the flirtation for what it is - a way to intensify personal interaction. I can see how it can create confusion with some people. (Urban Dictionary: enfp).

It's a fair price to pay, but it's nonetheless a price to pay.


And, as Erin added: Enfps often don't even realize they do it (if in fact that is what they do, as they don't see it that way), it's just natural to them. (even to me, especially in the beginning of it)
 

Laurie

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I used to get accused of being a flirt in my early 20s when I wasn't thinking I was flirting at work. The only thing is that I smiled at and treated the old ladies the same way as the college age guys. People didn't seem to notice that though.

I flirt now but I really just do the same thing and know that people think it's flirting. I could flirt with an inanimate object. In fact I was testing my video equipment the other day and realized I was flirting with myself and no one else was ever going to see the video.

I've seen plenty of people of other types do their "flirting" and oftentimes it just looks like they are being coy. ENFP flirt with everyone and then realize at some point that people think it's flirting.

Just look at it this way. What if your natural way of approaching *everyone* was considered flirting to most people. It's a weird strength that can be used in a good way or bad way.
 

Moiety

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Do you want this answered really? I think this would make an interesting thread, and I could definitely answer it for you.

It was rhetorical (and also just an example). Not to sound dismissive, but I do believe only part of it can truly be answered while still remaining all-encompassing and ringing true to all Is. Thats my point basically.

I can come up with a hundred BS theories "explaining" why that is. Just like I could say "some ENFPs flirt with everyone cause they want to have a backup plan at all times". Just because it actually would make some sense and explain a lot, does not mean it's true and certainly does mean it's true for everybody or even most ENFPs.

I'm just saying there IS a point where things get muddled and I think that point has been reached quite sometime ago.


ETA :Also, like Erin said, most ENFPs have said they don't flirt with everybody. So asking the wrong questions will get you the wrong muddled answers.
 
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violaine

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i think the reason none of your questions were answered is because you asked why we do something that most of us have said we don't in fact do. you wanted to know why we flirt...what was the need? right? if you'll look through the thread most enfps have said we aren't in fact flirting...we are being silly, playful, jokey having fun with people w/o sexual or romantic insinuations.

unless you want to know why a single person would flirt with someone they were attracted to then...it seems the answer is obvious...it's the same reason anyone does...we like them and want them to know...but...you're not asking that...right?

Yes. I wanted to know the nature of the 'need' or if it is a need. Even to hear some theorizing by ENFPs, not necessarily personal experiences.
 

Amargith

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Once I realize what I'm doing and the other person seems to enjoy it, the only reason for me to fulfill that need is coz its immensly fun and enjoyable.
 
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violaine

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I used to get accused of being a flirt in my early 20s when I wasn't thinking I was flirting at work. The only thing is that I smiled at and treated the old ladies the same way as the college age guys. People didn't seem to notice that though.

I flirt now but I really just do the same thing and know that people think it's flirting. I could flirt with an inanimate object. In fact I was testing my video equipment the other day and realized I was flirting with myself and no one else was ever going to see the video.

Lol.

I've seen plenty of people of other types do their "flirting" and oftentimes it just looks like they are being coy. ENFP flirt with everyone and then realize at some point that people think it's flirting.

Just look at it this way. What if your natural way of approaching *everyone* was considered flirting to most people. It's a weird strength that can be used in a good way or bad way.

Interesting. (And yes, I've seen plenty of people of other 'types' do it too, it's not confined to ENFPs as a type.)

Once I realize what I'm doing and the other person seems to enjoy it, the only reason for me to fulfill that need is coz its immensly fun and enjoyable.

Interesting, thanks for breaking that down.
 

Lady_X

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it's hard to answer that though...do i answer why i relate to people in my way...that's considered flirting sometimes even though i'm not actually flirting or do i tell you why i would flirt when i actually am?

i'll do both i guess....

first...i relate to people in a personal way...i'm friendly, engaging, interested in them because i generally like people and want to know them and form connections. i also think every new person i meet has the potential to become someone really important in my life...so i embrace people and situations with open arms....it's just the way we do it...we're just all in..in a real and personal way.

second...if i were to flirt with someone. it's because i'm expressive and if i feel romantically interested in someone i can't pretend not to be...i think and feel sweet and lovely things towards them and it shows in my body language and the words that i use. it's our genuine expressive nature and the need is just that...to be genuine and expressive.
 

ajblaise

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it's hard to answer that though...do i answer why i relate to people in my way...that's considered flirting sometimes even though i'm not actually flirting or do i tell you why i would flirt when i actually am?

i'll do both i guess....

first...i relate to people in a personal way...i'm friendly, engaging, interested in them because i generally like people and want to know them and form connections. i also think every new person i meet has the potential to become someone really important in my life...so i embrace people and situations with open arms....it's just the way we do it...we're just all in..in a real and personal way.

second...if i were to flirt with someone. it's because i'm expressive and if i feel romantically interested in someone i can't pretend not to be...i think and feel sweet and lovely things towards them and it shows in my body language and the words that i use. it's our genuine expressive nature and the need is just that...to be genuine and expressive.

So do you think it's the ENFPs responsibility to make it clear to someone they're not interested in romantically that might be misinterpreting their friendliness for flirtiness, that you don't mean it in that way? Or is it more the responsibility of the person who is misreading your signals?
 

Laurie

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So do you think it's the ENFPs responsibility to make it clear to someone they're not interested in romantically that might be misinterpreting their friendliness for flirtiness, that you don't mean it in that way? Or is it more the responsibility of the person who is misreading your signals?

If I'm "flirting" with an old lady is it my duty to tell her I'm not serious?
 

Lady_X

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So do you think it's the ENFPs responsibility to make it clear to someone they're not interested in romantically that might be misinterpreting their friendliness for flirtiness, that you don't mean it in that way? Or is it more the responsibility of the person who is misreading your signals?

well...what the hell? are you supposed to say to everyone you meet hey i'm not flirting with you? that would be quite presumptuous would it not? if someone thinks i am and says so sure i'd tell them...but...i don't think i personally flirt unless there's some level of interest.
 

ajblaise

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well...what the hell? are you supposed to say to everyone you meet hey i'm not flirting with you? that would be quite presumptuous would it not? if someone thinks i am and says so sure i'd tell them...but...i don't think i personally flirt unless there's some level of interest.

I had in mind a scenario when you already suspect someone is misinterpreting you. But there's no way that you can be sure unless they say something about it. So I think it would be their fault for not communicating that, unless the ENFP was knowingly leading them on.
 

Synapse

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I always thought flirting of itself was a way to break the ice and get behind another persons shell. To open them up and make them feel more receptive and comfortable, then a relaxed way of communication can occur that indirectly links the human need to feel connected, whether sarcastic, humours, sexual or otherwise.

Flirting fills a need, the need to find a quick way to relate on a basic individual level past the defensive barriers that are there after all. Its as much a boost for the recipient as it is for the sender to get a response. As harmless or harmful flirting gets really depends much on maturity, experience and knowledge of what is happening.

Which unfortunately of its nature is taken out of context because its perceived as a way to hit on another person mostly in the from of sexual innuendo which isn't necessarily the case. When its heavy and thick sure both the flirted and flirtee indeed have to judge or perceive what the boundary is as miscommunication is like a drop in the hat too easy. Otherwise its a playful form of communication that is meant to ease tension and make light of situations that feel like a coffin. As a form of interest level that shares a hint of intimacy without being intimate at all or flattery, compliment or signs of admiration too, to have some fun without the pressure of expectation.

I want to flirt to charm the pants off women like the next person. :wubbie:
Alas my flirting ability is opulently lost somewhere in translation. This thread feels like a whole lot of jibber jabber and not a whole lot of jabber jibber. all kinds of wrong are all kinds of right and all kinds or right are all kinds of wrong. shrugs.
 

Laurie

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I've done it. I have had problems online with people getting "into" me so I've told people right off the bat "I'm not interested." I've gotten some weird responses because they were like "I'm not into you either, why would you say that" but I could see where it was going. I gave up on doing that.
 

Synarch

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I guess it's the dishonesty of falsely signaling sexual availability that bothers me. If you tell someone you're taken, but you *signal* availability. You are sending out mixed messages. And we all know 90% of communication is non-verbal.

It just means that some people like "connecting" more than they like being taken seriously.
 

Synarch

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In my opinion, it is the most honest thing about us. We delude ourselves into believing that we are above animalistic behavior. We force ourselves to deny biology. But how many animals in the wild are monogamous? Flirting, social ritual - all of the basic nature of animals shine through us no matter how much we deny and pretend otherwise.

So it is the fact that you wish to transcend and yet others just accept? Is it that you perceive them to be weaker in the mind, is that what you take issue with?

Monogamy is actually very common in nature. Generally, the more parental investment required to raise offspring, the greater the likelihood of monogamy. In the Naked Ape, Desmond Morris presented the theory that the age for offspring to be self-sufficient is around seven, hence the seven year itch. Likewise, where parental investment and desire for inheritance is greater on the part of the male, there is more incentive to control female fertility.
 
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