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  1. #1
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    Default do you ever feel like you're "lagging" behind?

    let's say you are raised in a home where drinking in a home is wrong but you never actually start drinking til after you're 21 yet all of your friends began drinking much earlier.
    or, maybe your mother dressed you when you were wrong so you didn't have the chance to find clothes you really liked but only now do you find some joy in getting clothes that you really like (parental lag? or, parental drag?)
    or, you put off college and now you're back in school and it's tough but you can do it and everyone else is younger and doing alright
    or, you know people that watch tv all the time but you find tv mostly boring, so are you lagging behind or are they

  2. #2
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Come to think of it, yes.

    When I was in high school, I was mostly "buckled down" and focused on getting through, not really letting myself make time for anything extraneous. Everyone else kind of let things slide at that point and used that time to learn how to relate to others and figure out who they were and what they wanted.

    By the time I was through, I began to feel burned out, and wanted a break. Maybe to do something different than I had been. Unfortunately, this was around the same time that everyone else started buckling down and setting priorities, and thus it became a lot more difficult to find opportunities to learn about any of this stuff. I seem to be out of sync with other people, and it tends to have negative consequences for me. The worst of them is that I've hardly done anything except sit in front of my computer for the past 2-3 years, lacking any motivation to face the present. I tried to go to college (which lasted about a year), and then tried to get a job (which lasted about 6 months), but there was nothing driving me to keep at them. I suppose I've given up trying to better myself.

  3. #3
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    I had some very corrupting family influences when I was younger, and I'm kind of thankful for that. I'm not sure if it let me get stuff out or if it just increased my appetite for some things. But I got a head start in some ways socially and now I feel like I'm ahead of my peer group, and I can see how things could have went different had I had different influences.

  4. #4
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I don't think I ever felt like I was lagging behind in terms of peer pressure.. I kinda compare myself to myself, so i usually set my own standards in that regard?

    Only part in my life where I feel I'm lagging most is in my career? I really wish I wasn't so wishy washy about what I wanted.. sucks.

  5. #5
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I don't think I ever felt like I was lagging behind in terms of peer pressure.. I kinda compare myself to myself, so i usually set my own standards in that regard?

    Only part in my life where I feel I'm lagging most is in my career? I really wish I wasn't so wishy washy about what I wanted.. sucks.
    Ditto
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by file cabinet View Post
    let's say you are raised in a home where drinking in a home is wrong but you never actually start drinking til after you're 21 yet all of your friends began drinking much earlier.

    or, you know people that watch tv all the time but you find tv mostly boring, so are you lagging behind or are they
    Yes and yes to those. I usually feel like I'm very behind the times. In some ways, it means I'm actually "ahead" in some other aspect, but that aspect is never one that is conducive to relating to my peers.

    For the first one, I remember it was a "ladies night out" with the women in my family and I was invited. This was...over the winter, I think. I was excited. This, surely, was some right of passage veiled in an evening out. I was finally going to be considered no longer my mother's child, but me. It didn't happen. You see, I didn't bring my driver's license with me, or my wallet, because my mother offered to cover the dinner. So, in spite of being 21, I didn't drink. Actually, I hadn't really wanted to drink that night. I was ostracised for it by my aunt and grandmother. They chided, teased, and bullied me about not ordering any alcoholic drink that evening. Instead of feeling accepted, I felt like I had been lured into some situation where I was being "put in my place" and stepped all over. I cried on the way home. My mother was furious with my relatives.

    Anyway, compared to my peers, I'm emotionally and socially very behind. I've been on a date once. Only been kissed once. I've had online relationships that failed because neither side could get their act together to visit the other. I'm not anywhere near to most of these other people who date all the time and seem to have no trouble finding guys they like their age. All the ones I like are always taken...
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  7. #7
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I'd say my childhood was pretty sheltered so yeah, when I got out there in the big bad world I was a little more naive and innocent than my friends. Not having a TV till I was about 14 or so mean any references to old pop-culture shows go right over my head, other than that it has no impact on me now though.

  8. #8
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    Anyway, compared to my peers, I'm emotionally and socially very behind. I've been on a date once. Only been kissed once. I've had online relationships that failed because neither side could get their act together to visit the other. I'm not anywhere near to most of these other people who date all the time and seem to have no trouble finding guys they like their age. All the ones I like are always taken...
    Oh, this was the story of my life in college and in my 20's. All I can say is keep trying to put yourself out there. :-) I also really believe you'll start experiencing some of that stuff, but I myself kind of grumble when people tell ME that, so I understand if you don't believe it! Dating is very...perplexing for me. You might have to learn to turn the extrovert in you 'On'. I did that a lot in my early and mid 20's - I just wanted to go on dates, period - maybe to 'catch up' and get some of it out of my system? - and I was pretty proactive regarding that. Obviously not in my comfort zone initially, but you know what? Some things can get easier the more often you do it. Certainly can become less stressful.

    Anyhow...it was perhaps a combination of my upbringing (growing up with a family of emotionally-repressed introverts) and my own personality. A lethal combination for me, in terms of social and emotional development and growth! I felt completely 'stunted' in both of these areas throughout my teens, and in fact I KNOW I was. It wasn't until college that I really started to grow in the social realm, but still not in the relationship realm. Then it was age 23 that I had my first real relationship, and mid-20's that I felt 'caught up' emotionally to, well, high school or college level. lol. So I've always felt I've had a 5-10 year lag in terms of these areas of my life.

    By late 20's...I felt pretty happy with where I was at, on all levels. Other people might look at me and think I'm totally 'lagging behind' in some areas -- say, career -- but I've never cared about career (other than wishing there was something I really wanted to do and that was 'calling' to me), or 'status' when it comes to that, so that's more a decision on my part. I just don't put a lot of weight on that, and never have. The necessity of making a living has instead always been a thorn in my side. ;-)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  9. #9
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    There's not much doubt that I'm lagging behind in many ways - particularly socially - in that, I'm on the downside of the hill of what's possible. Meaning that I'm old enough that most people my age are "over" the whole social thing and spend much more time with their spouses, raising their kids, etc. - they're established in the stage of their lives that I've not really even stepped on the path toward - and it's only getting more difficult. I've made some efforts to get out more, but I haven't really had much success.

    I've thought a bit about why... part of it's undoubtedly my upbringing, part of it's that I'm pretty much the shyest and most reserved person I know (especially in social situations). Part of it's a complete lack of interest in many social situations. Part of it's being self-conscious, and part of it's preferring to stay within my little areas where I excel, instead of those where I inevitably blunder. Not too proud of that. Part of it's that I do best on the edge of a group of friends - and that most of those friends have moved on. I have gotten in touch with an old high school friend lately, which has been very nice, and I'll get together with friends a few states away later this summer. Looking forward to that.

    Other than socially (which, granted, is a big one), I don't really feel left behind as far as knowledge, or accomplishments, or abilities go. I can always compare and point to folks who are more accomplished when it comes to careers, etc.... but I guess I'm gettin' old enough to be able to see the downsides of that, and be glad that it's not me .
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    I have 5 younger siblings: 1 of them has spina bifida and 2 are autistic. My dad has drug issues and is emotionally absent. We're pretty poor. I've always felt responsible for trying to hold things together, so I was always too busy to work on my social skills. Since I've been at college, I've had plenty of practice. I've improved a lot, but I still have a long way to go. ...but don't even get me started on relationships...

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