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  1. #1
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    Default question for ENFJ's

    Hi. I have a close friend who is an ENFJ, and he is one of the kindest people I've ever known. Not only that, but it seems he is willing to go to great lengths for our friendship, something I really never have experienced before.

    So, I know this is probably my insecurity getting the better of me but I have a question. I have observed this ENFJ with others and he is so, so nice to basically everyone, and it seems like he genuinely loves everyone! I know that he and I are actually close friends because he spends a lot more time with me and we talk about everything, but I was just wondering if ENFJs genuinely like everyone and if so how do you separate your feelings for your close friends with those for others? I guess I just don't understand that well because as an INFP I won't act really warmly towards someone unless I really like them a lot.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    I do tend to find the good in each person, but, with time, certain people deserve more of my time. They didn't use to get it as much. Say, if I was with an old friend and a lesser acquaintance called I would drop everything, now I try to focus on the old friend.'

    My relationships with close friends are more real and I drop the public facade and try to talk honestly and directly.

    We just want everyone to be harmonious! And we know how to do this!

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I was kind of wondering this also...It's very puzzling to an INFP.

    There's a male ENFJ I am friends with who is an absolute sweetheart & amazingly talented at making you feel special, but he's like that with nearly everyone. It kind of annoys me and has made me question his sincerity. I still value him as a friend a lot & he's great for a mood-boost, but I really don't feel special at all, even though he seems to claim we are closer than many of those other people. I just have a hard time believing his shtick anymore & it has a lost most of its meaning for me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I was kind of wondering this also...It's very puzzling to an INFP.

    There's a male ENFJ I am friends with who is an absolute sweetheart & amazingly talented at making you feel special, but he's like that with nearly everyone. It kind of annoys me and has made me question his sincerity. I still value him as a friend a lot & he's great for a mood-boost, but I really don't feel special at all, even though he seems to claim we are closer than many of those other people. I just have a hard time believing his shtick anymore & it has a lost most of its meaning for me.
    How could you question his sincerity? You just said that this is how he is. He is what he is what he is.

    Being kind to everyone is not a flaw, it's a differing gift. Introverts don't understand how extroverts can be warm to everyone.

    spread the around is the main style, and then there are trusted people as confidants to feel really feel fulfilled with.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I was kind of wondering this also...It's very puzzling to an INFP.

    There's a male ENFJ I am friends with who is an absolute sweetheart & amazingly talented at making you feel special, but he's like that with nearly everyone. It kind of annoys me and has made me question his sincerity. I still value him as a friend a lot & he's great for a mood-boost, but I really don't feel special at all, even though he seems to claim we are closer than many of those other people. I just have a hard time believing his shtick anymore & it has a lost most of its meaning for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cronkle View Post
    How could you question his sincerity? You just said that this is how he is. He is what he is what he is.

    Being kind to everyone is not a flaw, it's a differing gift. Introverts don't understand how extroverts can be warm to everyone.

    spread the around is the main style, and then there are trusted people as confidants to feel really feel fulfilled with.
    Bingo, right on the spot.

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^
    I know he is sincere & a good guy, and it's overall a great quality, but there's a part of me that cannot take it seriously anymore. Like the OP said, it's probably an insecurity thing to a point... and a different style I don't fully comprehend. I suppose the compliments & whatnot have been devalued to me because they are handed out with little discrimination.

    I actually did question his sincerity once & called him a shameless flirt & he got slightly offended.

    I also don't think this individual realizes this is why he has trouble with getting & keeping a girlfriend...women really do not like it when their bf is soooo warm & complimenting to other attractive women.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    it's probably an insecurity thing to a point... and a different style I don't fully comprehend.
    i guess you got the answer there.

    but why am i defending ENFJs?

    who am i kidding? what would i do without them...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    Hi. I have a close friend who is an ENFJ, and he is one of the kindest people I've ever known. Not only that, but it seems he is willing to go to great lengths for our friendship, something I really never have experienced before.

    So, I know this is probably my insecurity getting the better of me but I have a question. I have observed this ENFJ with others and he is so, so nice to basically everyone, and it seems like he genuinely loves everyone! I know that he and I are actually close friends because he spends a lot more time with me and we talk about everything, but I was just wondering if ENFJs genuinely like everyone and if so how do you separate your feelings for your close friends with those for others? I guess I just don't understand that well because as an INFP I won't act really warmly towards someone unless I really like them a lot.

    Yea, ENFJs can get along well with everybody if they want to .

    But , i guess this is only a way of how they make people like them .

    if they want to spend more time with u , I guess that's to say ,you are

    somebody who is special for them.

    Maybe i don't know your situation. but as an ENFJ, according to my own's

    feeling, I think it is .
    to.lift.the.telephone

  9. #9
    Member Gengar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ^
    I know he is sincere & a good guy, and it's overall a great quality, but there's a part of me that cannot take it seriously anymore. Like the OP said, it's probably an insecurity thing to a point... and a different style I don't fully comprehend. I suppose the compliments & whatnot have been devalued to me because they are handed out with little discrimination.

    I actually did question his sincerity once & called him a shameless flirt & he got slightly offended.

    I also don't think this individual realizes this is why he has trouble with getting & keeping a girlfriend...women really do not like it when their bf is soooo warm & complimenting to other attractive women.
    I understand what you mean.

    It just seems strange when someone can treat everyone equally as nice. Especially when you're an INFP and notice it; it really makes you question whether they're being nice to you because they truly like you or just nice because they're naturally nice to everyone. There seems to be no difference between him talking to me or anybody else. If so, how can he truly be a best friend when he treats everyone equally?


    However, consider the fact that this is the ENFJ's need. It's a necessity for them to act kind and warm to everyone. If you question their nature, then you're probably not a good friend for them.

    So I say don't view them with cynical lens. They have their way with people, so let them be. They like to be liked and they're damn good at it. That's their lifestyle, and that's, the way it should be for them.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    Hi. I have a close friend who is an ENFJ, and he is one of the kindest people I've ever known. Not only that, but it seems he is willing to go to great lengths for our friendship, something I really never have experienced before.

    So, I know this is probably my insecurity getting the better of me but I have a question. I have observed this ENFJ with others and he is so, so nice to basically everyone, and it seems like he genuinely loves everyone! I know that he and I are actually close friends because he spends a lot more time with me and we talk about everything, but I was just wondering if ENFJs genuinely like everyone and if so how do you separate your feelings for your close friends with those for others? I guess I just don't understand that well because as an INFP I won't act really warmly towards someone unless I really like them a lot.
    They do treat everyone very well but I don't think they genuinely love everyone or even act like they do. They want harmony, perhaps that is what you're seeing. If he is spending that much time with you and communicates on the level that you say then he holds you higher than a friend or the general public. It's not like I am the warmest individual ever but I know how my ENFJ feels about me. I know what lengths he's gone to for me. He has expectations of me (and I am sure your ENFJ does for you), although it's not always easy for him to talk about his real feeling. Yet he does because that's something we need (again, lengths). Variables such as age come into play here so it's going to differ.

    Then again, you could always ask him straight out. I find that helpful in most situations. It might shock the poor ENFJ at first but do it anyway.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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