Hi. I have a close friend who is an ENFJ, and he is one of the kindest people I've ever known. Not only that, but it seems he is willing to go to great lengths for our friendship, something I really never have experienced before.
So, I know this is probably my insecurity getting the better of me but I have a question. I have observed this ENFJ with others and he is so, so nice to basically everyone, and it seems like he genuinely loves everyone! I know that he and I are actually close friends because he spends a lot more time with me and we talk about everything, but I was just wondering if ENFJs genuinely like everyone and if so how do you separate your feelings for your close friends with those for others? I guess I just don't understand that well because as an INFP I won't act really warmly towards someone unless I really like them a lot.
You're getting a special side of him -- warmth is one thing, but an intimate knowledge of someone is another. You have a unique place with him, even if does seem to be warm to everyone. If he tells you personal things, then you're definitely on the "inside". I don't tell just anybody things that I think would destroy me or leave me open for attack. I'm weirdly private that way.
eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
AIS Holland code
I was kind of wondering this also...It's very puzzling to an INFP.
There's a male ENFJ I am friends with who is an absolute sweetheart & amazingly talented at making you feel special, but he's like that with nearly everyone. It kind of annoys me and has made me question his sincerity. I still value him as a friend a lot & he's great for a mood-boost, but I really don't feel special at all, even though he seems to claim we are closer than many of those other people. I just have a hard time believing his shtick anymore & it has a lost most of its meaning for me.
i think it comes down to what cronkle said about extroversion bcing a little too loose and lite-hearted for introverts at times. we want deeply rooted connections that we can sink into. the ephemeral nature of extroverted behavior seems false and facetious to us.
the other is extraverted feeling. we have an intense need to connect to others, along with a desire to balance and sanitize the emotional environment. introverted feeling weighs and judges slowly, building its framework of values and preparing for future judgments. it develops and knows what is important to it and what isn't, what it believes and what it doesn't. it becomes very concentrated and powerful as a result, is extremely grounded in its own subjective experiences and life goals as a result. extraverted feeling connects to others, tries to get inside of them, adopt and absorb their feelings and modes of expression, learn how to converse and communicate in the language of the other, etc. it seems flighty and ephemeral as a result, merging with the changing world of flux flux flux and losing its balance at times as a result.
i get put off by this kind of thing too, it has prevented me from extroverting for much of my life. instead staying at home inside of myself and working on these models of conceptual purity, truth, authenticity, etc (5w4). but as i extrovert, i am coming to grips with the fact that for me and my functional apparatuses there is no other way than this. trying to figure out how to uphold positive ideals and still be rational, flexible, changeable, etc is something that makes up my current life.
also, i'm not sure if it's apparent for Fi dominant types, but you Fi types give nfj types something they need and value very very intensely. we need love or our feeling dries up, it doesn't even have to be directed at us, it just has to be out there, around us, mixing with the air we breathe.
i agree, pink. i want everyone to feel good, but those who know my secrets know them bc i trust them. for Fe types trust is akin to depth, commitment, love, etc. the way we express our feelings and the way we love others is in terms of compassion, protection, nurturing, tenderness, etc. it expands with our awareness and focuses like a laser only when we are making the connection to something other than ourselves, when we let go of ourselves and merge with IT, etc.
thanks for the replies, very interesting. I have indeed noticed that he does not "open up" to everyone even though he is super nice to everyone. In fact I read somewhere that of all the extroverts, ENFJ's are the most reserved about revealing themselves. I'm realizing that ENFJ"s have a need to bring out the best in others.
I am even a bit envious of my ENFJ, watching how quickly he can draw people towards him and how he can talk to everyone. TO an introvert, it looks like magic. Though at other times I notice he can be quite abrupt with others (though not rude). Is that an ENFJ thing too?
I guess the other part of my confusion is that I have a crush on him, but he has told me he doesn't have romantic feelings towards me. Yet, he he kind of acts like my boyfriend which I guess is the ENFJ warmth.
Sounds like there may be a boundary issue? What do you other NFJs think?
I tend to be very buddy-buddy with my close friends, male or female. Very involved and very "in there". Have you always had a crush on him or did this develop after you became good friends? I can see how this might be rough on your feelings. I would hate to be so close with someone that I loved and not have them feel that way about me.