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  1. #31
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    chose to ignore it...
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  2. #32
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    What are the types of things that people say to you (and mean it, of course) that relax you early on?
    First, I love your metaphor.

    I've started to just tell people early on who I think I'll be friends with or want to get close to, "I know I don't look like it, but I'm prone to saying to really weird/dark/nasty/swearing things when I'm relaxed. So if something offends you, I need to know...otherwise I'll just keep saying the same kinds 'offensive' things."

    So far it's working out all right.

    The best thing someone can say to me is, "I'm not easily offended."
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  3. #33
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I've been through this first hand, my wife is INFJ, I am ESTP, and for many years I did not get it. I bought her a LOADED Dell Insprion (Pink, her favorite color!) laptop (the small girl size one!) and a color coordinated cool chic laptop case, and she was barely impressed. The next year I bought her a .5 carat diamond solitaire pendant (platinum) with a nice snake chain; response was "That's nice." But if I sit and listen to her when she wants to talk, or if I give her a hug when she's feeling down and tell her I love her, that means the world to her. <SIGH> At least I'm trying!

    I had to laugh out loud at your post. That sounds just like my ESTP fiance's gifts for me (I'm INFJ). For a long time he kept bringing home random pink things to gift me with (pink shoes, a pink Dolphins shirt because he loves the Miami dolphins, a pink Dolphins hat, pink earrings, etc.). I really appreciated the thought and effort and acted excited each time, but inside I was like, "Huh?" Luckily he's gotten better at guessing what I like in recent years, but even if he hadn't I would still appreciate that ESTP generosity :o)

  4. #34
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Like the layers of an onion... except each layer is unique and all interconnected if you know how to read them.
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  5. #35
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    I had to laugh out loud at your post. That sounds just like my ESTP fiance's gifts for me (I'm INFJ). For a long time he kept bringing home random pink things to gift me with (pink shoes, a pink Dolphins shirt because he loves the Miami dolphins, a pink Dolphins hat, pink earrings, etc.). I really appreciated the thought and effort and acted excited each time, but inside I was like, "Huh?" Luckily he's gotten better at guessing what I like in recent years, but even if he hadn't I would still appreciate that ESTP generosity :o)

    Haaa! Glad you got a laugh out of (and your fiance's) misdirected ESTP generousity! You know, if y'all INFJ wifey/finacee types would tell us ESTP hubby/fiancee types what you liked/wanted then you would get it instead of the stuff we think you will like.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post


    I guess there was a hint of sarcasm there, but only because I know that INFJs are generally considered to be complex. I meant I'm pretty simple in terms of my needs and wants; reasonable peace of mind, harmonious surroundings, a bit of success, a partner I can share my thoughts with and whose negative qualities do not outweigh his positive qualities, and a fair share of passionate and exciting experiences. I can agree with INFJs having complex emotions, but I think once a person gets into the rhythm of an INFJ the INFJ will be much less difficult to figure out. Yes, the intensity and quirks are always right under the reserved exterior, but you'll understand this after a while and know what to expect.
    +1
    I consider myself a simple girl also, strange yes, but simple. I don't need much, not gifts nor such stuff. Just what was listed above.

    And I liked the metaphor very much. I have no idea what dwells in my core.

  7. #37
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    I like the metaphor becasue INFJ's are like parfaits- we have layers. This gets me into trouble because I assume that people know there is more to me then what they see and also assume that there is more to other people then what I see- that everyone else has lots of layers- even conflicting and contradictory ones- meeting someone who is completely what you see is what you get- there is nothing more there or anything different really messes with my mind.

    I don't understand that at all. Nor am I able to be understood by them at all.
    You show one layer of yourself and get typecasted- all the while you are actually a versatile actor and complex character. That annoys me more then anything- getting typecasted- confined and defined by one layer- like assuming the whole world of you is the crust- when there are mantles and inner and outer cores.
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  8. #38
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    I like the metaphor becasue INFJ's are like parfaits- we have layers. This gets me into trouble because I assume that people know there is more to me then what they see and also assume that there is more to other people then what I see- that everyone else has lots of layers- even conflicting and contradictory ones- meeting someone who is completely what you see is what you get- there is nothing more there or anything different really messes with my mind.

    I don't understand that at all. Nor am I able to be understood by them at all.
    You show one layer of yourself and get typecasted- all the while you are actually a versatile actor and complex character. That annoys me more then anything- getting typecasted- confined and defined by one layer- like assuming the whole world of you is the crust- when there are mantles and inner and outer cores.
    I understand/relate very much to what you write!
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  9. #39
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I like the metaphor becasue INFJ's are like parfaits- we have layers. This gets me into trouble because I assume that people know there is more to me then what they see and also assume that there is more to other people then what I see- that everyone else has lots of layers- even conflicting and contradictory ones- meeting someone who is completely what you see is what you get- there is nothing more there or anything different really messes with my mind.

    I don't understand that at all. Nor am I able to be understood by them at all.
    You show one layer of yourself and get typecasted- all the while you are actually a versatile actor and complex character. That annoys me more then anything- getting typecasted- confined and defined by one layer- like assuming the whole world of you is the crust- when there are mantles and inner and outer cores.
    Just wanted to say: me too relates to this

  10. #40
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i agree that the combination of functions makes infjs have a more recessed and complex expression of features, landscape, layers of crust/development, etc. than most types.

    it's the difference between our inner world and our outer one. inside we place things on our big picture intuitive map based on feeling, yes, but we judge them/sort them with the cold hard precision of introverted thinking. we pull apart all concepts, all feelings, all impressions, all relationships, all traditions, all motivations, etc, and we put them back together with our own discretion of what the world is made up of and what it should become. (competing with extraverted feeling, the envirnoment, the moment, harmony, the flow of play in social life, our heritage, the RIGHT NOW, etc). our introverted and analytical nature often obscures our usage of extraverted feeling, which is shockingly ephemeral and fickly/flaky/shaky for others at times in our lives. our judgment functions are at odds with each other that is heightened by our usage of introverted intuition (much like Te-Fi in intjs!), and it causes unreadability and mercurial expression and hot-cold high pressure front flare-ups at times that surprise even our closest friends. our end goal is compassion, yes, but also centering and a bit of detachment from the terrible NOISE of subjectivity and feeling flowing all around in the world around us. i agree that there is something hot that at times surges up and violently explodes at the surface.

    as to the op- yes on the second. being recognized is one of the principle aspects for any Ni type, being recognized and having a shared sense of meaning, a framework for understanding, communicating deeply and profoundly, etc.

    i think we also accept and appreciate and sense complexity in ways that cause frustration. like being cast into one mould is frustrating when you can feel the fault lines shifting and quaking beneath your feet. the discourse seems so silly and distant from the inner pullings of the world and its magnetic force. that things are always more densely interconnected and part of something greater, that the specifics show imprecision and misguidedness, grammar games, etc, when we can feel it running deep in our ancient bones.

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