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  1. #1
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Default Hidden thoughts (NF version)

    I saw that the NT's have a thread called "Hidden thoughts" and I thought it sounded like a cool idea. Obviously the original thread is about "dark thoughts" but how about turning it a bit more defined for obvious reasoning?

    A dark thought consists of something you might want to do but find yourself either:
    A: Too afraid to do it.
    B: Too oblivious, since it wouldn't matter in the long run.
    C: Too empathic.
    D: Too demanding of perfection.
    E: Too afraid of how the population/society/public would take it.
    F: "Know" that it is wrong.
    G: The idea was in fact boring.
    H: "Not human".
    I: Not in the interest of others.
    J: "Sick".
    K: Too easy.

    Ok, I can begin. I'll even state the reason for not doing it for every "option".
    1.
    For about thirteen months ago I went through a psychotic(?) phase of life. I did spend my time at home and came up with a plan. A plan to make myself anonymously celebrated and HATED.

    The plan consisted of killing one human being in each country (where as "states" counts as countries) and I would do it in an artistic way. First victim would be seated in a wooden chair, spread legs and have carved paintings into its belly. I would take a photo with a polygram camera for each step. The chair would be preferably gray.

    Also, I'd keep my victim alive so I could record my victims screams, until the dying moment. The rest of the room should be as little blood splattered as possible. The real art-piece is the body, not the room.

    Next, I'd take a picture of the way from the room to a supermarket and/or big paper company. Then I'd put up the pictures just too far to see the next one but close enough to see where to go next. (So it becomes an adventure. :P)

    Also; I'd set 16 different chess programs to battle each other and place a randomized country on each. Then choose the country that comes out winning the tournament.
    And with all the tapes I'd gather through out the years, I'd make tunes out of them and when my "murders" are written off I'd sell the music and be rich enough to do something else.

    Now, realizing the plan. I went and bought a pair of pants that would conceal as much as possible about my features, a scissor, sculpting knives, an operation knife, plastic bags and a few other things. (They are now disposed of.)

    I came to the conclusion that I should choose a random victim, a place that is not too far from home but far enough to be considered "safe" for my own self.
    And that was about the time where I realized that I couldn't kill someone. Much less random person. So I gave that plan up.

    Reasons: A, C, D, F, J

    2.
    I've been thinking about something. A lot of people in this world are quite eccentric, me included. So, how about facilitating a farm of pregnant women and then make pies of the babies they produce. I have not gone as into depth in this plan. Even though I would love to taste human someday. Oh well. I'd never be able to go through with it anyhow. :/

    Reasons: C, E, I

    3.
    A few times, my father almost made me so angry that I have been just about to pierce him with whatever object nearby I could find. I didn't though.
    Oh, and I've been thinking about killing him to be able to live on his money and life insurance. Also under the psychopathic phase of life. (where I did nothing but lie to myself and others :/ )

    Reasons: A, B, C, F, K

    I got more but I'm thinking that it might upset some of you and I would not like that. It sure upsets me.
    Remember; This has not happened and there's no reason to think it ever will.



    Any one else had such ideas/plans?
    Last edited by Serendipity; 04-09-2009 at 10:49 AM. Reason: Forgot adding the reasons for NOT actualizing the ideas.
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Fascinating. That's not upsetting at all. I actually love hearing the really weird thoughts of other people, because I understand that they are just thoughts and not actions. It's like getting to see the person's unconscious mind packaged in a rationalised plan.


    I had this really amazing idea once, when I discovered that the power to a block in the city went out because a mylar balloon got stuck in the power lines. I was on a Joker kick then, but I still think it's an artistic way of destruction and if the Joker did exist, I probably would have suggested it to him at the time.

    Anyway, I imagined a holiday. At first it was the Fourth of July, but then I just went with my usual sense of poetic justice and decided it would be Valentine's Day. There would be one of those artsy phenomenons around the city where everyone was given these red, heart-shaped, mylar balloons for free. There would be rumours and talk of an artistic performance happening that evening right in the middle of the main street. I would have helpers who would go around telling everyone they could, giving people balloons, getting people excited. They, the people, would be told they would get to participate in a mass release of balloons as a way of promoting love and world peace.

    The evening of the event, my helpers would set up spotlights in a square in a section of the street. Explosives would be set up in buildings lining the area. Everyone would gather together. There would be a big speaker playing a recording of some appropriate music. There would be drinks and food and people would be enjoying themselves. There would be a count down. My helpers would have extra balloons and be strategically placed so that when released, their balloons would cause a power outage.

    The count down would end. The balloons would be released. The power would go out. The city would be in darkness for a moment. People would be startled. Then, the spotlights would cut on and there, slowly floating up above the street, the balloons would somehow be formed together into a giant heart. People would clap and laugh.

    Then, over the loud speaker, would be the slow demented laugh of someone. People would be confused or they would wonder what would happen next. The buildings lining the street would explode and catch fire. The spotlights would cut off. The heart would dissolve as it started to float up and reform into a giant, red grin lit by the flames from the buildings. The laughter, which had been building slowly in volume and mania, would be outright hysterical. People would run, and scream, and all the while someone, somewhere, would be laughing their ass off.

    Reasons: C, D, F


    While I'll never actually DO that idea. Someday, I will paint the culminating moment with the red balloons hanging in a giant smile over a flaming city.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  3. #3
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Woo. I loved reading it!

    Fascinating. Yummy details. :3


    Ok.
    so 4.
    My life ending in disaster for everyone else.
    "If I get really rich..." I would probably end up doing this.
    I would place small explosives into my body, just about 5 mm in between, and they would be placed so that nothing closer than 2 meters would end up having a scratch. They would be able to eradicate all traces of bones and inner organs; leaving nothing but blood and splatter.

    Then I would chart a plane and buy a parachute. I would jump in the middle of a big square during an event of some sort. I would explode about 15 m above ground and send my remains down upon each and every one of them.

    Why? I don't have a reason for it, except it would be nice to die like that. The theories of Why would hit the streets. Media would try to cover it. It would be an event.
    "The exploding man" in the headlines. Why did he do it? We think...
    If I were alive, I would've loved to read their theories.

    Reasons: I'm not rich nor suicidal.


    More to come.
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  4. #4
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    So, I've come across a few "suiciders" in my time, some who has been able to pull it off(1) and some who hasn't gone to quite that degree of wishful thinking.
    And I've learned two things.

    First of all; I want to see something kill itself. I want to look at it, see the last contemplations about jumping off the bridge or whatever and see the life-flame go out.
    And the gore. I am very curious on how that would change me as an individual.

    Secondly; When I come across someone trying to kill themselves, I've asked if they could put the time off for five more minutes so I can have a coffee with them and listen to their story of the world. (It's lost after the suicide, so it does matter to me.) Most of the time (read once), he settled for coffee, then a donut and then some chocolate, all while speaking up for his experience of how it all began. And then lost the wish to suicide, because I somehow made him a bit lighter.

    Which;
    1: Sucks. I wanted to see the man kill himself. . . . ...... ._.''''
    2: Is wonderful. I love to see him passionate about life again.


    So my question is simply, Should I hide behind the bushes(or whatever obstacle I can find at the time and wait for the final death-bell) or should I try to make contact but still not do anything about it or is it easier to give a mental push whilst I am at it?

    It's a hidden thought because I didn't do the thread.
    Why? E.
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  5. #5
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    HIdden thoughts?

    Probably the only hidden thoughts I can think about that plague me are:

    1. I would REALLY like to shoot Barney, club him in the knee.
    2. Blow up magic kingdom at disneyland (I'll keep the 'small world' dolls though- they khooh, a little scary lookin, but I like the thought behind it).
    3. I cannot stand people who need all the friggin details for everything.. routine/regimented? Makes me wanna pull my hair out.
    4. I tend to see people who are really ill-will, who enjoy hurting people for the sake of hurting them, intentionally, as someone who needs lots of hugs.. In terms of on a humanitarian sense? I would like to be like doctor evil- press a button & send them to the chamber where we chain them up and place fireballs in their mouths.

    5. Oh- and cops- I can't stand them. Especially with their pants all tight and writing out tickets and everything.. really makes me wanna punch their lights out.

    Besides that.. I value harmony, peace, love, happiness. The whole mumbo jumbo. Only contradiction? Anyone who stands in that way really gets on my nerves. I know I'm trying to fix my thoughts and be more zen about it, bc, I think deep down inside, people are good natured- it's the situations that they get placed into that determine their perception/attitude, and consequently, their strength of will?

    Edit: On a more serious note- I think my darkest thoughts are.. doubting myself, and not being able to succeed. I want what's best for all of my family & friends. When I can't help or I feel pressured, judged, it makes me want to retreat into my place of comfort to hide out. Other than that.. I think so long as there is some kind of distance or 'space' I have, I somewhat feel okay when I need to re-energize. =)

  6. #6
    Member invaderzim's Avatar
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    Then I would chart a plane and buy a parachute. I would jump in the middle of a big square during an event of some sort. I would explode about 15 m above ground and send my remains down upon each and every one of them.


    1. Don't really have many dark thoughts per se. But when ever I go to school, I'm always scared that someone is going to blow up the parking garage with me inside. And the rubble will smash my body to pieces.

  7. #7
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    1) I have repeated fantasies about verbally/emotionally crushing just about everyone that irritates me. Its interesting how just a little bit of venom can completely change the room. So it would be fascinating to see what would happen on a larger scale. It'd be a little bit of a wallow in my own capacity to harm/hurt/destroy moment. Plus, I'd be able to work out all my hostility towards certain people. I imagine it most grandly with my stepmother, and, lately, my english teacher, who is given to exaggerated and melodramatic speeches on how terribly irresponsible all of his classes are. In my head, the scenario involves diagnosing my stepmother's issues as relative to her issues growing up/family problems/really awful things she's gone through in her life, and noting all the particular ways in which my teacher acts like an absolute imbecile, in addition to the fact that in many ways I know more about his job than he does.

    But of course, I don't do this because, A) I'm afraid of the punishments that would follow, C) I would *hate* to make either of those very nice people feel horrible, because they're already pretty insecure (to varying degrees of repression) about everything I'd call them on and it would be a sort of salt (or in this case, lye) in the wound moment, then probably F) because it *is* wrong. Also, I can't let myself 100% believe that I actually have the capability not to initiate the act, but that it would actually be in any way effectual. Maybe I'm not as cutting as I think I am? Maybe people would harden up against me and ignore whatever crap I'd say? Maybe my deductions about these people are actually inaccurate, despite my trust in them? But its a nice daydream to have, and I think I once read something about how for an ENFP being able to do something is just as good as actually doing it, and its a little bit of that action going on.

    I also used to have involved revenge fantasies against people who enforced their will by virtue of being bigger and/or stronger than me by using my obviously superior intellectual skills to invent something that would cause them immense pain and make me the victor in the scenario. It was an unfortunate delusion of my youth which I would never do for the simple reason that I can't! (I think it was someone who posted on here that said that they were more of a science enthusiast than a scientist, and that's me perfectly, and even if I were a scientist, I don't think that I'd be able to create a machine that calls fire down from heaven onto the unfortunate victim's head anyway).

  8. #8
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Most of the time I just wish stupid would hurt more and how neat it would be to dole out that extra hurt for the extra stupid.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Um, I haven't thought anything particularly dark since I was twelve. Haha. Right now the most hidden thoughts I harbor are along the lines of "I WISH I COULD SCREAM AT YOU AND HIT YOU WITH A FRYING PAN ARGGGGH." See? Nothing creative. I spill it all out in other areas, I think.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

    My thoughts on...
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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  10. #10
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    Um, I haven't thought anything particularly dark since I was twelve. Haha. Right now the most hidden thoughts I harbor are along the lines of "I WISH I COULD SCREAM AT YOU AND HIT YOU WITH A FRYING PAN ARGGGGH." See? Nothing creative. I spill it all out in other areas, I think.
    Yeah, it hasn't happened to me before the "unhappy" periods of my life and only during them, so I guess that's about it. :P

    I could be considered stupid for caring about happiness, I would've considered myself stupid if I as a kid around 12 had seen what was to become of me till today but, nu uh.
    Life experiences and insights my world. ;P
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

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