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[Jungian Cognitive Functions] INFJ vs INFP -- which is more forgiving?

Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?


  • Total voters
    122

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
So based on all of this anecdotal evidence, we can conclude...














nothing. It's all on a case-by-case basis. There is no answer to the OP's question.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i'm not a forgiving person but time seems to do it for me. i don't let it go but my body eventually removes it like a virus.

infps seem to consciously work thru their feelings and use their actual judgment to weigh it out and come to a (not split) decision. whereas for us i just avoid people who i can not forgive currently, USUALLY time and distance and doorslam make said qualms go away.
 

Manimal

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2008
Messages
60
MBTI Type
INFP
i dont find it hard to forgive as long as i can find a way to see things from their perspective but i will forever be less trustin of that person.
 
G

garbage

Guest
Luckily, I don't care that I'm not INFx.. I'm answering anyway ;)

i dont find it hard to forgive as long as i can find a way to see things from their perspective but i will forever be less trustin of that person.

This is pretty much true for me, too.

I can usually understand someone else's mindset when they.. er.. make a mistake toward me. I can forgive a lot. But I don't think that understanding and forgiveness means that I should have to tolerate a continued pattern of behavior from them, so if they can't put in the effort to try to see things from my perspective as well and take me into consideration, I simply will not deal with them.
 

Lightyear

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
899
I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.

So true. I just simply won't show the offender certain parts of myself. It's not necessarily that I am mad at him, it can be a very rational decision (Ti?), this person hurt me so I would be stupid to go to this vulnerable place with him again. Simple as that.

But I tend to be very forgiving in that I always try to find excuses and rationalisations why someone did something bad, thinking how I would have behaved if I would be in his shoes. However once you have exhausted me giving you the benefit of the doubt again and again I will either distance myself from you or cut you completely out of my life.


Wow, quoting myself!

But something else I thought of: I could let past offences go if I see a real change of character in a person, in my opinion if the source is polluted all that flows out of it will be polluted too, if someone has a bad character his actions will be bad too. But if there is a fundamental change (because of traumatic events, personal upheavals, religious conversion, whatever) in the character of a person how could I hold the actions of their "old you" against them?
 

TenebrousReflection

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Sep 30, 2007
Messages
449
MBTI Type
INFp
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
If someone acknowledges that they have wronged me and I feel they are sincere in their regret, then I have no problem forgiving them, but if I feel personaly wronged by someone and they do not express regret over the incident that caused it, I will remember it and continue to hold it against them (but I will not talk about it one way or the other unless directly asked if there is a problem etc, so someone may be competely oblivious to the fact that I hold them in low regard for thier actions).

When it comes to things that do not directly affect me, the intent and motivation are weighed against the harm as well as factoring in what value was violated and how severe it was but in general, I think I'm more forgiving than most as long as there was not malice involved to begin with.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
I really don't know. If I really had to guess I'd say INFP.

I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.

+1 on this one.
 

mwv6r

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'd say INFJs are one of the least forgiving of all the types, with some caveats.

Small things I can forgive relatively easily. I don't get easily offended by inconsequential power plays or failure to follow social niceties or things of that sort that some other types seem to bristle at. If I feel that the other party is not being mean-spirited, I usually let things slide.

HOWEVER.

The bigger, make-me-cry type of things in which I feel the other person was being vicious.... Oooh I hold onto that for years. It's rare for me to forgive serious, emotional betrayals like backstabbing or abandonment. It's like I'm a very caring, emotionally open person until a sacred line is crossed and then I shut the other person out forever.
 

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
It is hard for me to type as I am holding onto so many grudges,lol.

I have a hard time getting over big emotionally defining moments I like to think of them- but it has more so to do with my need for closure.

I hold onto grudges when I feel like my side or my voice hasn't been heard. If someone hurts me and is being viscious to me- I am like a deer in headlights- I just stand there or run away and cry because I cannot fathom behavior like that and no matter how many times it happens- it is always surprising. I am too worried about hurting the other person and to be honest- I am afraid of how far the pendulum swing will go once I do stand up for myself or speak my voice and seek my closure. I have the habit of never knowing when to shut up,lol.

But- then I obssess over it and can't let it go because there is no closure- and I am not quick on my feet when emotional- so it takes me a while to think of a response. By that time- it is usually way too late to say anything.
The opportunity for closure slips from my hands and I am just left with frustrated pent up anger and guilt and beat myself up and the other person in my head. It doesn't help things either that because I feel the moment has slipped away I am then nervous and uncomfortable around that person- which makes them feel weird around me and then is more prone to be a jerk more and more. The horrible moment is still fresh for me and I can't let go.

Far too often- if the person really doesn't matter to me- I will just write them off if I see that this person will not ever show respect to me- especially for not standing up for myself, or write them off if I simply do not see a future in the relationship. My good friends and people who are truely important to me I wil say something to- because they are safe- they have shown care for me- I can face them- albeit nervously still but face them nonetheless and can say my part- I can lend my voice to them no matter the scariness of the confrontation. They make me feel heard too- I am acknowledged by them and even more importantly- UNDERSTOOD-I have to feel that the person is not just giving lip service and is able to "get it."

I am trying to work on my horrible lack of confrontation skills. In the mean time- fantasies about revenge are soothing to me- nothing violent- just utterly annoying. I dream of utterly annoying the hell out of them,lol.

I guess if people find me annoying here- they will assume I am doing it to purposefully seek revenge on them,lol.
 

Synapse

New member
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Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
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Both have the pattern recognition and the intuition of how much change there is in the person to trust, both equally fierce in my opinion, just in different ways.

I'd still say INFP are more forgiving by the reason of their perception into other people, laid back and accepting.
 

Journey

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Mar 14, 2008
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You may have been born with a forgiving nature, but to really be a forgiving person, you have to make conscious decisions and learn to forgive and let go of emotional baggage. This is the sign of a mature person. Any type can be mature in this way. Maybe INFPs and INFJs get more in the way of a head start with temperament. If that's what we are saying, then I think God made it easier for INFJs to forgive, because I need all the help in this area I can get and He is so gracious to me.:yes::D
 

windoverlake

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INFJ
*FYI: Only read the posts on the first page*

I can forgive like I'm dispensing Pez candy, but this brand of forgiveness also means doorslamming. So I may seem more forgiving because I'm quick to do/say/offer it (even if not asked for it), but I don't necessarily think this is true forgiveness since nothing is being put into practise. True forgiveness, I imagine, is not accompanied by doorslamming. Also, I forgive to forget. I experience satisfaction when I doorslam. The thrill is related to having learned something because of that person(s). I don't experience regret because everything I've learned has been beneficial. I remember my 'enemies' with fondness. I don't look back or reminisce much, but when I do and I feel that fondness that usually means I am reaping something from the former association.

I wonder if INFPs would be more forgiving in practise. It's not as cut and dried as Fe/Fi or INFJ/INFP, but I do notice my INFP friends are much more open to what might come after their decision to forgive someone. Meanwhile, if I absolutely must interact/encounter someone I've doorslammed I'll still let Fe perform its theatrics, but I'm definitely going to be wearing a hazmat suit.

INFPs, in my estimation, are more emotionally resilient, even if they might be more touchy, which is probably related to how they heal themselves. INFJs aren't necessarily about grudges, the word 'grudge' sound way too consistent and committed. INFJ likes to narrow the focus or re-categorise people, so when they have to deal with someone they've already moved over to 'doorslammed', then it's uncomfortable and annoying, and feelings of a grudge may re-surface, which Fe churns into fakeness, which then exhausts the INFJ. It's like, "Oh yeah, them. Ugh. Now I have to go to the attic and bring out my summer hazmat collection."
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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sp/sx
I think the stereotypical answer is that the INFP is more likely to forgive and the INFJ more likely to hold the grudge, but I don't know if that is true or not. I suspect it is more of an individual issue.

I tend to analyze a situation until I can come up with at least one theory as to why the person was hurtful. I will discontinue interactions with people I have found harmful, even if I come to understand how they were thinking and feeling, and why they did it.

I tend to be a bit distrustful of people in the first place, so a betrayal of trust is not shocking. I tend to keep a distance before and after the person was harmful. If I am required to keep interacting, I don't hold resentment, but I maintain distance internally and/or externally to protect myself. I can recalibrate to just about any person's behavior, so it is possible for me to actually like people I don't trust. I also like wolves, tigers, and hyenas, although I wouldn't sleep in their dens. I don't resent wild animals at all, but I don't trust them either. I feel more resentment towards people, although not as much as my choices to distance myself would indicate.

Edit: If I'm hurt badly enough I can get so detached that I see every interaction with people as fundamentally impersonal. Each person is living out the cause-and-effects of their own lives. Each person has a distorted perception because of their experiences and what has been imprinted on them during their development. When I consider even abusive people in my life, I know their harm wasn't about me, but about their own pain and distortions. That is how I can go into self-protective mode of "door slamming" without a grudge of taking it personally. The more I empathize with people the more it feels like nothing is actually personal and that we are all trapped in our own separate little spheres of existence. I go more for existential isolation than feelings of betrayal and holding a grudge.
 

windoverlake

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May 2, 2015
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INFJ
I think the stereotypical answer is that the INFP is more likely to forgive and the INFJ more likely to hold the grudge, but I don't know if that is true or not. I suspect it is more of an individual issue.

I tend to analyze a situation until I can come up with at least one theory as to why the person was hurtful. I will discontinue interactions with people I have found harmful, even if I come to understand how they were thinking and feeling, and why they did it.

I tend to be a bit distrustful of people in the first place, so a betrayal of trust is not shocking. I tend to keep a distance before and after the person was harmful. If I am required to keep interacting, I don't hold resentment, but I maintain distance internally and/or externally to protect myself. I can recalibrate to just about any person's behavior, so it is possible for me to actually like people I don't trust. I also like wolves, tigers, and hyenas, although I wouldn't sleep in their dens. I don't resent wild animals at all, but I don't trust them either. I feel more resentment towards people, although not as much as my choices to distance myself would indicate.

Edit: If I'm hurt badly enough I can get so detached that I see every interaction with people as fundamentally impersonal. Each person is living out the cause-and-effects of their own lives. Each person has a distorted perception because of their experiences and what has been imprinted on them during their development. When I consider even abusive people in my life, I know their harm wasn't about me, but about their own pain and distortions. That is how I can go into self-protective mode of "door slamming" without a grudge of taking it personally. The more I empathize with people the more it feels like nothing is actually personal and that we are all trapped in our own separate little spheres of existence. I go more for existential isolation than feelings of betrayal and holding a grudge.


So many excellent points articulated. The key thing you pointed out is that it's not personal. However, that's not to say the other party is going to agree or accept that notion, and I've found that what might have gone out on a whimper eventually goes out with anger and resentment because I let it be known that something or other is not personal; basically, they're hearing that none of it was personal, that I was a 'robot' and "how can it *not* be personal?!" In my experience, only Fi-doms have taken issue with me on this. They expected there to be a fight/struggle to play out, maybe something we could struggle through and survive.

For me, intimate friendships and romantic relations are the main areas where I exhibit the strongest amount of J-related judgment. Because no one really gets in, when someone is in and I have to remove them, that's a major life event. It all gets handled thoroughly, one moves on, but the whole framework still needs to be checked for termites. Though I'm not taking it personally, though I will soon get to a place of well-rounded understanding of myself, the other person, and the situation we created, giving out a second chance simply seems like the dodgiest thing to do, and that's probably because I will always see the other person as someone that's made a fool of me. Also, the asking of second chances at such a time is so unseemly to me, it reeks of entitlement. Best to end it rather than feel a shred of resentment or doubt about someone else, and that would also be supremely unfair to them, for them to have to always feel doubted.
 

Nico_D

The Lost One
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
Messages
136
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
I may forgive but I don't forget.
 

bradly66

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Aug 30, 2015
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4
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I think that INFP is more forgiving than INFJ because INFP is not as likely to hold a grudge as say INFJ.
 

dog

New member
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Aug 21, 2015
Messages
144
MBTI Type
infp
infp may SEEM to forgive easier.....but really does the infp TRULY forgive? socially i think i forgive people consciously. but subconsciouly i think i hold all this emotional crap, hurts, etc inside....infp are walking little jesuses...
 

Destiny

A wannabe dog
Joined
Aug 5, 2013
Messages
452
INFPs are more forgiving, definitely.

As an INFP, I don't have any enemies. People might consider me as their enemy, but I've never considered anyone as my enemy. My motto in life is "Be the change you want to see in the world" and make this world a better place to live in. If I can't be the change that I want to see in this world, then how do I expect others to follow my footsteps?
 
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