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View Poll Results: Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?

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  • INFJ

    24 19.51%
  • INFP

    70 56.91%
  • Don't know.

    29 23.58%
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  1. #51
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    Vengeance and Evil are the works of Fi.

  2. #52
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Just because the INFP says "that's okay" and resume affection / friendliness more quickly than you expect doesn't mean he/she has forgiven.

    To watch someone showing remorse and seeking forgiveness in agony is painful for INFPs. Most INFPs believe their existence has a sense of purpose when they can successfully improve the mood, alleviate the stress and ease the pain for people around them, right there and then, with little hesitation.
    Therefore, when you do us wrong then seek forgiveness, even though deep down inside we haven't forgiven and forgotten, and we may even be hurting, we'd tell ourselves that withholding affection from the other person and alienating them would cause them so much pain. And that thought is more painful than being done wrong to.

    Of course, this kind of behavior in INFPs doesn't help us show people where the line is drawn, and people might find doing us wrong then seeking forgiveness just gets easier.
    We keep on forgiving, while bottling up the grudges. We might break down or subtly try to tell people too that we won't accept this kind of behavior, which people would often take pretty lightly.

    Then one day, we take off.
    By then, good luck with having us back in your life.


    INFJs are just better at leaving people to their own bullshit and take off before shit hits the fan.
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    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
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    Likes prplchknz, Redbone, thoughtlost, Lia_kat liked this post

  3. #53
    Wandering... Emperor Enigma's Avatar
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    I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

    My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.

  4. #54
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Enigma View Post
    I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

    My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.
    I have always thought that part too. However, I have recently learned otherwise.

    My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.

    So, now I that I realize she is just throwing shit out to hurt me (mostly), I don't fret so much about her words.

    And my wife is a Fi type......
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

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    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Enigma View Post
    I hold grudges. Don't know if this is related to Fi or Se or simply NTR.

    My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next. I find it kind of insulting, to be honest, especially when she makes the excuse that her insulting me was influenced by her anger and what she said was not the truth. Bullshit. I believe that you reveal your true self and your true feelings when you surrender to your emotions.

    My Fe dom mother does the same thing to me too. She also used to slap me on the face when I was a kid.

    I think she has some personality disorder or some mental illness that causes her to be this way. I just try to avoid her whenever I see her and I keep a business-like approach in our relationship. I don't tell her any personal issues of mine. If she is in the house, I'll be outdoors. If she is in the living room, I'll be in the bedroom.

    Am I holding a grudges against her? I don't know. I don't view my action as holding grudges though, I'm just protecting my own mental/emotional health.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    I have always thought that part too. However, I have recently learned otherwise.

    My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.

    So, now I that I realize she is just throwing shit out to hurt me (mostly), I don't fret so much about her words.

    And my wife is a Fi type......
    Not everyone is thier emotions. I personally see it as input, not all of me. Who I truly am is someone who tries to avoid emotional reactions and use reason. I am this person day in and day out. To judge me on my outbreaks of emotions is to know a tiny part of me.

    To many people will push until someone explodes and get an outburst, the issue is that it's a build up of things that individually don't mean shit. What feeling you need to learn is don't push 50 million crap buttons at once.

    My ex did that crap and woud say...now I know who you really are. Yeah, have fun with that...this is who I am when royally frustrated. If all you do is chalk it up to who I am and not learn the cause I really don't want that person in my life. I am very easy going laid back 99.9% of the time. Keep me at that 1% and I will make sure your in my life as little as possible.
    Im out, its been fun

  7. #57
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Enigma View Post

    My mother is an Fe type and she can brutally insult you one moment and act like the nicest person in the world the next.
    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    My wife when angry will say horrible things, usually the opposite of what she really means, but I only just realized that.
    When someone has the tendency to compulsively say really vitriolic things in the moment whenever they're feeling hurt or angry (or just tired, or whatever unpleasant feeling)- and then either completely forget they behaved that way (and expect others to forget it too) or expect to be able to retract it without it being a big deal- I think it's because they don't have much or any tolerance to feeling unpleasant things, so they compulsively externalize the 'reason' they're feeling bad. There's some truth to it when they later say they "didn't mean it"- because in retrospect, if they're feeling better, their tolerance for the unpleasant feeling may be higher and they will be able to see how they externalized 'too much' of that feeling. It's still a shitty thing to do though.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  8. #58
    Pubic Enemy #1 Crabs's Avatar
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    Ugh...I misread the title and voted incorrectly. I'm an INFP and I rarely hold onto grudges long-term or exert energy trying to get back at people. If someone is persistently violating my values, however, I will deal with the issue and let it go. No sense in harboring negativity. In my experience with INFJs, on the other hand, they seem to hold onto grudges with a firm grip, unless I'm totally misperceiving their actions.

  9. #59
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    first few times and they are actually remourseful and was on honest mistake i will forgive. but if it becomes clear that they're using it as manipulation tactic i will drop kick that person to the curb so fast. like one person in the thread claimed on the first page. sorry but people like that disgust me and do not deserve forgiveness.

    so basically once or twice will forgive. more than that but actually trying still will forgive. becomes clear it's manipulation or has no actual remorse, fuck that. they can eat dirt.


    but i don't think it comes down to type but the person and their experiences. some other INFPs would be quicker to forgive than me and some INFJs would be slower, and vice versa.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #60
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    but i don't think it comes down to type but the person and their experiences. some other INFPs would be quicker to forgive than me and some INFJs would be slower, and vice versa.
    This. While type may a small component of this, there is a huge factor of how mature and healthy a person is, as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
    Likes prplchknz liked this post

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