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View Poll Results: Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?

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  • INFJ

    24 19.51%
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  1. #31
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Both have the pattern recognition and the intuition of how much change there is in the person to trust, both equally fierce in my opinion, just in different ways.

    I'd still say INFP are more forgiving by the reason of their perception into other people, laid back and accepting.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Journey's Avatar
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    You may have been born with a forgiving nature, but to really be a forgiving person, you have to make conscious decisions and learn to forgive and let go of emotional baggage. This is the sign of a mature person. Any type can be mature in this way. Maybe INFPs and INFJs get more in the way of a head start with temperament. If that's what we are saying, then I think God made it easier for INFJs to forgive, because I need all the help in this area I can get and He is so gracious to me.
    "My Journey is my Destination."

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  3. #33
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    *FYI: Only read the posts on the first page*

    I can forgive like I'm dispensing Pez candy, but this brand of forgiveness also means doorslamming. So I may seem more forgiving because I'm quick to do/say/offer it (even if not asked for it), but I don't necessarily think this is true forgiveness since nothing is being put into practise. True forgiveness, I imagine, is not accompanied by doorslamming. Also, I forgive to forget. I experience satisfaction when I doorslam. The thrill is related to having learned something because of that person(s). I don't experience regret because everything I've learned has been beneficial. I remember my 'enemies' with fondness. I don't look back or reminisce much, but when I do and I feel that fondness that usually means I am reaping something from the former association.

    I wonder if INFPs would be more forgiving in practise. It's not as cut and dried as Fe/Fi or INFJ/INFP, but I do notice my INFP friends are much more open to what might come after their decision to forgive someone. Meanwhile, if I absolutely must interact/encounter someone I've doorslammed I'll still let Fe perform its theatrics, but I'm definitely going to be wearing a hazmat suit.

    INFPs, in my estimation, are more emotionally resilient, even if they might be more touchy, which is probably related to how they heal themselves. INFJs aren't necessarily about grudges, the word 'grudge' sound way too consistent and committed. INFJ likes to narrow the focus or re-categorise people, so when they have to deal with someone they've already moved over to 'doorslammed', then it's uncomfortable and annoying, and feelings of a grudge may re-surface, which Fe churns into fakeness, which then exhausts the INFJ. It's like, "Oh yeah, them. Ugh. Now I have to go to the attic and bring out my summer hazmat collection."
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  4. #34
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I think the stereotypical answer is that the INFP is more likely to forgive and the INFJ more likely to hold the grudge, but I don't know if that is true or not. I suspect it is more of an individual issue.

    I tend to analyze a situation until I can come up with at least one theory as to why the person was hurtful. I will discontinue interactions with people I have found harmful, even if I come to understand how they were thinking and feeling, and why they did it.

    I tend to be a bit distrustful of people in the first place, so a betrayal of trust is not shocking. I tend to keep a distance before and after the person was harmful. If I am required to keep interacting, I don't hold resentment, but I maintain distance internally and/or externally to protect myself. I can recalibrate to just about any person's behavior, so it is possible for me to actually like people I don't trust. I also like wolves, tigers, and hyenas, although I wouldn't sleep in their dens. I don't resent wild animals at all, but I don't trust them either. I feel more resentment towards people, although not as much as my choices to distance myself would indicate.

    Edit: If I'm hurt badly enough I can get so detached that I see every interaction with people as fundamentally impersonal. Each person is living out the cause-and-effects of their own lives. Each person has a distorted perception because of their experiences and what has been imprinted on them during their development. When I consider even abusive people in my life, I know their harm wasn't about me, but about their own pain and distortions. That is how I can go into self-protective mode of "door slamming" without a grudge of taking it personally. The more I empathize with people the more it feels like nothing is actually personal and that we are all trapped in our own separate little spheres of existence. I go more for existential isolation than feelings of betrayal and holding a grudge.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I think the stereotypical answer is that the INFP is more likely to forgive and the INFJ more likely to hold the grudge, but I don't know if that is true or not. I suspect it is more of an individual issue.

    I tend to analyze a situation until I can come up with at least one theory as to why the person was hurtful. I will discontinue interactions with people I have found harmful, even if I come to understand how they were thinking and feeling, and why they did it.

    I tend to be a bit distrustful of people in the first place, so a betrayal of trust is not shocking. I tend to keep a distance before and after the person was harmful. If I am required to keep interacting, I don't hold resentment, but I maintain distance internally and/or externally to protect myself. I can recalibrate to just about any person's behavior, so it is possible for me to actually like people I don't trust. I also like wolves, tigers, and hyenas, although I wouldn't sleep in their dens. I don't resent wild animals at all, but I don't trust them either. I feel more resentment towards people, although not as much as my choices to distance myself would indicate.

    Edit: If I'm hurt badly enough I can get so detached that I see every interaction with people as fundamentally impersonal. Each person is living out the cause-and-effects of their own lives. Each person has a distorted perception because of their experiences and what has been imprinted on them during their development. When I consider even abusive people in my life, I know their harm wasn't about me, but about their own pain and distortions. That is how I can go into self-protective mode of "door slamming" without a grudge of taking it personally. The more I empathize with people the more it feels like nothing is actually personal and that we are all trapped in our own separate little spheres of existence. I go more for existential isolation than feelings of betrayal and holding a grudge.


    So many excellent points articulated. The key thing you pointed out is that it's not personal. However, that's not to say the other party is going to agree or accept that notion, and I've found that what might have gone out on a whimper eventually goes out with anger and resentment because I let it be known that something or other is not personal; basically, they're hearing that none of it was personal, that I was a 'robot' and "how can it *not* be personal?!" In my experience, only Fi-doms have taken issue with me on this. They expected there to be a fight/struggle to play out, maybe something we could struggle through and survive.

    For me, intimate friendships and romantic relations are the main areas where I exhibit the strongest amount of J-related judgment. Because no one really gets in, when someone is in and I have to remove them, that's a major life event. It all gets handled thoroughly, one moves on, but the whole framework still needs to be checked for termites. Though I'm not taking it personally, though I will soon get to a place of well-rounded understanding of myself, the other person, and the situation we created, giving out a second chance simply seems like the dodgiest thing to do, and that's probably because I will always see the other person as someone that's made a fool of me. Also, the asking of second chances at such a time is so unseemly to me, it reeks of entitlement. Best to end it rather than feel a shred of resentment or doubt about someone else, and that would also be supremely unfair to them, for them to have to always feel doubted.
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  6. #36
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
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    I may forgive but I don't forget.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  7. #37
    Senior Member wolfnara's Avatar
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    It depends on the person.
    "Those who do not move, do not notice their chains"
    -Rosa Luxemburg

  8. #38
    Junior Member bradly66's Avatar
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    I think that INFP is more forgiving than INFJ because INFP is not as likely to hold a grudge as say INFJ.
    "Only one could understand what it means to be successful in life."

  9. #39
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    infp may SEEM to forgive easier.....but really does the infp TRULY forgive? socially i think i forgive people consciously. but subconsciouly i think i hold all this emotional crap, hurts, etc inside....infp are walking little jesuses...

  10. #40
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    INFPs are more forgiving, definitely.

    As an INFP, I don't have any enemies. People might consider me as their enemy, but I've never considered anyone as my enemy. My motto in life is "Be the change you want to see in the world" and make this world a better place to live in. If I can't be the change that I want to see in this world, then how do I expect others to follow my footsteps?
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