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View Poll Results: Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?

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  • INFJ

    24 19.51%
  • INFP

    70 56.91%
  • Don't know.

    29 23.58%
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  1. #21
    morose bourgeoisie
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    So based on all of this anecdotal evidence, we can conclude...














    nothing. It's all on a case-by-case basis. There is no answer to the OP's question.

  2. #22
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i'm not a forgiving person but time seems to do it for me. i don't let it go but my body eventually removes it like a virus.

    infps seem to consciously work thru their feelings and use their actual judgment to weigh it out and come to a (not split) decision. whereas for us i just avoid people who i can not forgive currently, USUALLY time and distance and doorslam make said qualms go away.

  3. #23
    Member Manimal's Avatar
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    i dont find it hard to forgive as long as i can find a way to see things from their perspective but i will forever be less trustin of that person.

  4. #24
    garbage
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    Luckily, I don't care that I'm not INFx.. I'm answering anyway

    Quote Originally Posted by Manimal View Post
    i dont find it hard to forgive as long as i can find a way to see things from their perspective but i will forever be less trustin of that person.
    This is pretty much true for me, too.

    I can usually understand someone else's mindset when they.. er.. make a mistake toward me. I can forgive a lot. But I don't think that understanding and forgiveness means that I should have to tolerate a continued pattern of behavior from them, so if they can't put in the effort to try to see things from my perspective as well and take me into consideration, I simply will not deal with them.

  5. #25
    Member Hazle Weatherfield's Avatar
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    My brain is strong enough to forgive. My emotions remember for far too long.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    So true. I just simply won't show the offender certain parts of myself. It's not necessarily that I am mad at him, it can be a very rational decision (Ti?), this person hurt me so I would be stupid to go to this vulnerable place with him again. Simple as that.

    But I tend to be very forgiving in that I always try to find excuses and rationalisations why someone did something bad, thinking how I would have behaved if I would be in his shoes. However once you have exhausted me giving you the benefit of the doubt again and again I will either distance myself from you or cut you completely out of my life.

    Wow, quoting myself!

    But something else I thought of: I could let past offences go if I see a real change of character in a person, in my opinion if the source is polluted all that flows out of it will be polluted too, if someone has a bad character his actions will be bad too. But if there is a fundamental change (because of traumatic events, personal upheavals, religious conversion, whatever) in the character of a person how could I hold the actions of their "old you" against them?

  7. #27
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
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    If someone acknowledges that they have wronged me and I feel they are sincere in their regret, then I have no problem forgiving them, but if I feel personaly wronged by someone and they do not express regret over the incident that caused it, I will remember it and continue to hold it against them (but I will not talk about it one way or the other unless directly asked if there is a problem etc, so someone may be competely oblivious to the fact that I hold them in low regard for thier actions).

    When it comes to things that do not directly affect me, the intent and motivation are weighed against the harm as well as factoring in what value was violated and how severe it was but in general, I think I'm more forgiving than most as long as there was not malice involved to begin with.

  8. #28
    Sniffles
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    I really don't know. If I really had to guess I'd say INFP.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.
    +1 on this one.

  9. #29
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    I'd say INFJs are one of the least forgiving of all the types, with some caveats.

    Small things I can forgive relatively easily. I don't get easily offended by inconsequential power plays or failure to follow social niceties or things of that sort that some other types seem to bristle at. If I feel that the other party is not being mean-spirited, I usually let things slide.

    HOWEVER.

    The bigger, make-me-cry type of things in which I feel the other person was being vicious.... Oooh I hold onto that for years. It's rare for me to forgive serious, emotional betrayals like backstabbing or abandonment. It's like I'm a very caring, emotionally open person until a sacred line is crossed and then I shut the other person out forever.
    Likes riva, ImaFour, thepumpkinpot liked this post

  10. #30
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    It is hard for me to type as I am holding onto so many grudges,lol.

    I have a hard time getting over big emotionally defining moments I like to think of them- but it has more so to do with my need for closure.

    I hold onto grudges when I feel like my side or my voice hasn't been heard. If someone hurts me and is being viscious to me- I am like a deer in headlights- I just stand there or run away and cry because I cannot fathom behavior like that and no matter how many times it happens- it is always surprising. I am too worried about hurting the other person and to be honest- I am afraid of how far the pendulum swing will go once I do stand up for myself or speak my voice and seek my closure. I have the habit of never knowing when to shut up,lol.

    But- then I obssess over it and can't let it go because there is no closure- and I am not quick on my feet when emotional- so it takes me a while to think of a response. By that time- it is usually way too late to say anything.
    The opportunity for closure slips from my hands and I am just left with frustrated pent up anger and guilt and beat myself up and the other person in my head. It doesn't help things either that because I feel the moment has slipped away I am then nervous and uncomfortable around that person- which makes them feel weird around me and then is more prone to be a jerk more and more. The horrible moment is still fresh for me and I can't let go.

    Far too often- if the person really doesn't matter to me- I will just write them off if I see that this person will not ever show respect to me- especially for not standing up for myself, or write them off if I simply do not see a future in the relationship. My good friends and people who are truely important to me I wil say something to- because they are safe- they have shown care for me- I can face them- albeit nervously still but face them nonetheless and can say my part- I can lend my voice to them no matter the scariness of the confrontation. They make me feel heard too- I am acknowledged by them and even more importantly- UNDERSTOOD-I have to feel that the person is not just giving lip service and is able to "get it."

    I am trying to work on my horrible lack of confrontation skills. In the mean time- fantasies about revenge are soothing to me- nothing violent- just utterly annoying. I dream of utterly annoying the hell out of them,lol.

    I guess if people find me annoying here- they will assume I am doing it to purposefully seek revenge on them,lol.
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