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View Poll Results: Generally speaking, which do you think is the more forgiving type?

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  1. #11
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I have read <looking for article now> that persons with significant neuroses have issues with forgiveness, and are less likely to be able to.

    Are INFJ/INFP types more prone to neuroses than other types?

  2. #12
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    My best friend is a healthy INFJ, and she always accuses me of being too forgiving, lol. Apparently she thinks I'm always making excuses for people...so between the comparison of us, I'd say I'm way more forgiving. The INFJ knows when she's been wronged, and she'd like more than just an apology. You don't get on her bad side.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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  3. #13
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.
    So true. I just simply won't show the offender certain parts of myself. It's not necessarily that I am mad at him, it can be a very rational decision (Ti?), this person hurt me so I would be stupid to go to this vulnerable place with him again. Simple as that.

    But I tend to be very forgiving in that I always try to find excuses and rationalisations why someone did something bad, thinking how I would have behaved if I would be in his shoes. However once you have exhausted me giving you the benefit of the doubt again and again I will either distance myself from you or cut you completely out of my life.
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  4. #14

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    My first reaction was to choose INFP. However, having dated an INFP for as long as I have --I have found myself rationalizing and ultimately forgiving people that he simply cannot bring himself to based on how he feels.

    If "forgiveness" is being likened to "tolerate" then he can withstand the company of those he dislikes longer than I by simply ignoring whatever spills out of their mouth and then staring off into space. But if "forgiveness" means understanding or accepting someone who has done wrong, I am more capable of seeing their P-O-V even if I disagree and just disregarding the social road-bumps I'm unconcerned with.

    Arguably, he appears more forgiving than me given his lax demeanor, but if pressed to be honest you'll find he cannot shake his prejudices. Outwardly, I probably seem more unforgiving given my scrutinizing behavior, but if pressed (with points that are valid to me) I can spontaneously make an about-face to the astonishment of my intimates.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  5. #15
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I'm pretty forgiving...mostly.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azseroffs View Post
    I think INFP is more likely to say they forgive you, but will probably hold onto that moment forever where it will come back to haunt you someday.

    INFJs are probably less forgiving, but are less likely to hold a grudge.
    I find that both INFPs and INFJs might hold on to those moments forever.
    I disagree that INFJs are less likely to hold a grudge.

  7. #17
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    Ha! I am the queen of "un-forgiveness"! Again, not because I am out to get you. Because I just kind of...never get over things. Sometimes, they randomly crawl back to haunt me and I need to get away. I never let you know you've hurt me that badly, I'll shrug it off in front of you for decency's sake. I find my clinging to past hurts pretty unproductive, kind of immature and also not acceptable. I'm way too easily hurt, it's actually embarrassing.
    (I know I'm enfp but I wanted to say I'm exactly like this)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    So true. I just simply won't show the offender certain parts of myself. It's not necessarily that I am mad at him, it can be a very rational decision (Ti?), this person hurt me so I would be stupid to go to this vulnerable place with him again. Simple as that.
    Wow. An important distinction!

    My INFJ good friend doesn't understand why I'd be friends with an ex who hurt me terribly. I tell her he was sorry and now we're just pleasant acquaintances. She says, "I would forgive him too, the difference is that I would choose not to spend time with him ever again. He doesn't deserve it."

    So I think an INFJ can be forgiving while choosing to hold a grudge based on their intelligent analysis of a situation. Personally, I have trouble forgiving too much/not choosing to hold a grudge which can lead to being hurt over and over again.

  9. #19
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    My post might not be much help since I have trouble knowing if I am INFP or INFJ.

    I hold on to events that hurt me longer than is reasonable. This is not done in anger or resentment as much as it is done to try to make sense of the world. As anyone, I attempt to avoid miscommunications, disappointments, and getting hurt. When it does happen and especially if I'm taken by surprise it makes me question the way I look at the world. Why did I not see that coming? How is this person viewing me or the world that they did whatever it is they did. If I can't understand why the person hurt me, I will keep thinking about it until I can extrapolate from everything I know about them an answer that makes some kind of "sense". If it makes complete sense then it is easier to let it go. Usually I make some sense of it with pieces missing. Those missing pieces can make me obsess when I need to just realize that it is not possible to know. Very often, when you get a feel for how that person experiences life, there is this sense of how it isn't necessarily easy being in their skin. This happened recently with an employer/friend who has behaved in unexpected ways towards me. I keep observing to get a sense of this person and it struck me the other day how difficult it would be to view the world the way she does. So while the offense can be hurtful in a way, I can usually see that it is easier being the one who got hurt than being the one doing the hurting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I'll forgive but things will never be the same again. There will always be a part of me that is mistrustful and cautious, even if I try to shake it off.
    I will do that in professional setting or with an acquaintance, but if I choose to value someone, I try to let go and allow the courage to trust them even if it means getting hurt again. That is reserved only for the few that mean the most and I've invested a lot of my life in. I don't see the point in some cases of continuing a relationship unless there is a willingness to embrace it fully.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  10. #20
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    The two are very forgiving in different areas, unforgiving in other areas.

    I'd say I'm very forgiving to those that I know have done me well. It's like a bank, you can do something good to put in the bank, bad things take out of it. When someone goes bankrupt then something's gotta give, and if something doesn't then I will generally hold a grudge.

    I don't forget how I've been wronged, but if the person is forgiven I won't hold it against them unless they repeat the mistake or do something similar to that.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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