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[NF] NFs: Reality hits, do you hit back or give the other cheek?

Dwigie

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Aug 25, 2008
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658
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INFP
I have a seriously strange defense mechanism. Every single time something is going awfully wrong in my life or the one of someone I care about I go into what I call "smoke screen shield" mode.

I just get a complete blockage of any piece of information from the outside that could trigger a negative emotional response. Usually it's a creepy little laughter and a light feeling when things are seriously going wrong. It's either accompanied by the thought that everything will be alright soon or by the feeling that this is all a "bad dream". The worse the situation is the stronger the belief that everything will improve gets and that I will get through it somehow. However, that belief is empty because the feeling accompanying it betrays it. It's "desperate hope".

Basically, an unhealthy dose of denial. Most of the people around me get over it rather quickly, get themselves together and act but I just stagnate for a long period until all hell breaks loose inside my mind. (aka: breakdown, depression, etc...)
Afterward I'm able to move on.(not always entirely though)

Well, sometimes reality blows that smoke away and I'm just dumbstruck on the verge of thinking about jumping out the window. I feel "dead inside" could be the perfect sentence but it's not exactly the same because I feel like I'm "about to die". I've thought about it and I realize it could also simply be emotional immaturity disguised as "sensitivity".

Anyone here feel the same about "reality attacks"?
I mean everyone goes through denial when some things go wrong. That's got absolutely nothing to do with type. I just wonder if NFs are more prone, if it's more pronounced or If I just need a " healthy good kick in the butt".
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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I withdraw from this world and escape to my own. People around me get really annoyed when I do that coz I just..emotionally disconnect. I'm physically present, but not mentally and definitely not emotionally. Meanwhile I'm either distracting myself in my mind with anything but the issue at hand, or I'm actually trying to really sort through it.

Ironically, often its issues that others cannot help me, which frustrates them to no end. And no matter how hard I try to fake that I am alright as I don't wanna burden them, they notice and keep asking..which then makes me feel guilty for not being present. It's such a lovely cycle :alttongue:
 

sculpting

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INFP=Fi, Ne, Si,

Maybe this is some sort of odd blocking of your Ne-the function that goes digging around externally making connections in the real world? Then you just lock your self away in your own universe and watch the world go by? Fi-Si hide you away in a little loop of not acknowledging the outside crap.

I used to do this much more often when I was a kid. I actually lived for years in a bubble of haze to keep me seperate from the chaos and hurt the outside world could give me. I put a big layer of nothing between me and them so that I could exist among them without being hurt by them. I believe they might call this avoidant personality disorder or some such stuff. I didnt start talking to most people till I became a waitress.

Now days I usually resort to a thinking mode and become pretty assertive. If under massive stress I totally shut everyone out, become really hypersenstive to rejection, and go hide. Normally it takes a few days to reemerge more stable. This happens rarely, maybe once a year. like an INFJ doorslam, but temporary.
 

Dwigie

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658
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I withdraw from this world and escape to my own. People around me get really annoyed when I do that coz I just..emotionally disconnect. I'm physically present, but not mentally and definitely not emotionally. Meanwhile I'm either distracting myself in my mind with anything but the issue at hand, or I'm actually trying to really sort through it.

Ironically, often its issues that others cannot help me, which frustrates them to no end. And no matter how hard I try to fake that I am alright as I don't wanna burden them, they notice and keep asking..which then makes me feel guilty for not being present. It's such a lovely cycle :alttongue:
Going through the same thing at the moment and the "veil" just faded...Ew.:cry:
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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I'm an Ni user. Reality is *always* blindsiding me. If it's bad, I try to roll with it. If it's really bad, my internal processor scrams, red alert kicks on, and steel bars drop in front of all the doors and windows until the intruder is determined to be 1) outside and neutral, or 2) trapped inside, efficiently destroyed, and neutral.

I sound like an immune system.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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Nov 19, 2008
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I don't do this. I get angry that what I thought was going to happen didn't or that my image wasn't being fulfilled, but I adjust.
 

scattershot

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Mar 3, 2008
Messages
158
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ENFP
I cuss a lot and find some old furniture or something I can break and not care about later. Then eventually I calm down and Te kicks in to help me figure out a better solution than breaking everything I own. :rolleyes2:
 

Domino

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Oh yes. The cursing.
 

scattershot

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Oh yes. The cursing.

Umm..yeah...I'm sure my upstairs neighbors heard all kinds of awful words the other morning when my cable was shut off...oops. :blush:

And I can't believe I forgot to mention driving. If I have nothing to break, I'll just go drive the crap out of my truck 'til I exhaust myself singing along with the radio...and still swearing, of course. :ranting:
 

Domino

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I love to swear-sing! I esp liked it in my own truck where I could burn a wheel out of a parking lot!
 

cascadeco

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Hmm...since the OP doesn't really resonate with me, the short answer would be I can't really relate.

There are certainly times when I have been in what I call prolonged 'funks' and I just don't LIKE aspects of reality and/or my life, and often-times this is combined with my not having a plan anymore or not knowing what the hell I'm doing with my life or what I want to do with it. But it's more of a blah-grim feeling...just kinda hunkering down mentally, kind of gritting my teeth as I'm not pleased to be in this frame of mind, but still functioning in day-to-day life and doing things with people. It's certainly not pleasant for me, but the entire time my mind's analyzing things and trying to figure out my next step and trying to find my way out of the funk. Sometimes it might take a while for me to navigate through all of it. But thus far I've always been fairly proactive in trying to address everything and address whatever's causing me grief. Might just be a slow process depending on what I'm working through.

It's really hard to give a GOOD answer though when we're just talking in such vague terms without a specific example - but I guess this would be the general process/mindset when I'm struggling with some element of reality: trying to solve the 'problem' - whether it be a tangible/physical one, something to do with relationships, or an emotional problem.
 
Last edited:

Nonsensical

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When things are really going the wrong way, I relaize I need to start doing things different. It's all about adapting yourself to your surroundings, as you can't maniupulate your surroundings (sorry J's). I take it persaonlly, sometimes, as I'm an F, but I move on with a different view on it. I usually do go into my own little world when things are pretty bad, but I can re-energize with people and after I've had time to think.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
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May 4, 2008
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When reality is clear, fighting back is probably a sign of selfishness or emotional immaturity.

I guess there are sometimes though when that is not the case. For example, "going down fighting."
But that's very subjective. And I'm sure we cannot judge that without knowledge of the events you are going through.
Talk to someone about it.
 

mlittrell

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reality never hits, it just bounces off.
 

Kyrielle

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Hmm...since the OP doesn't really resonate with me, the short answer would be I can't really relate.

There are certainly times when I have been in what I call prolonged 'funks' and I just don't LIKE aspects of reality and/or my life, and often-times this is combined with my not having a plan anymore or not knowing what the hell I'm doing with my life or what I want to do with it. But it's more of a blah-grim feeling...just kinda hunkering down mentally, kind of gritting my teeth as I'm not pleased to be in this frame of mind, but still functioning in day-to-day life and doing things with people. It's certainly not pleasant for me, but the entire time my mind's analyzing things and trying to figure out my next step and trying to find my way out of the funk. Sometimes it might take a while for me to navigate through all of it. But thus far I've always been fairly proactive in trying to address everything and address whatever's causing me grief. Might just be a slow process depending on what I'm working through.

It's really hard to give a GOOD answer though when we're just talking in such vague terms without a specific example - but I guess this would be the general process/mindset when I'm struggling with some element of reality: trying to solve the 'problem' - whether it be a tangible/physical one, something to do with relationships, or an emotional problem.

:yes: This.
 

Wild horses

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Reality, in my experience, doesn't pack much of a punch... Reality represents the things that are temporal! :D I too retreat into my own world... it's a nicer place for me
 

Domino

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reality never hits, it just bounces off.

lol! :yes:

Last night, my sister asked me to mop up the water around the bathroom sink. I went up there with a roll of paper towels. I thought I was doing all right with it, but she walked by, stopped, said, "What is the matter with you?!", took the roll away and did it herself. LOL Apparently not only was I going way too slow - one sheet at a time - but my water-removal method was lacking. haha!!

I was thinking about something else!
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
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I have a seriously strange defense mechanism. Every single time something is going awfully wrong in my life or the one of someone I care about I go into what I call "smoke screen shield" mode.

I just get a complete blockage of any piece of information from the outside that could trigger a negative emotional response. Usually it's a creepy little laughter and a light feeling when things are seriously going wrong. It's either accompanied by the thought that everything will be alright soon or by the feeling that this is all a "bad dream". The worse the situation is the stronger the belief that everything will improve gets and that I will get through it somehow. However, that belief is empty because the feeling accompanying it betrays it. It's "desperate hope".

Basically, an unhealthy dose of denial. Most of the people around me get over it rather quickly, get themselves together and act but I just stagnate for a long period until all hell breaks loose inside my mind. (aka: breakdown, depression, etc...)
Afterward I'm able to move on.(not always entirely though)

Well, sometimes reality blows that smoke away and I'm just dumbstruck on the verge of thinking about jumping out the window. I feel "dead inside" could be the perfect sentence but it's not exactly the same because I feel like I'm "about to die". I've thought about it and I realize it could also simply be emotional immaturity disguised as "sensitivity".

Anyone here feel the same about "reality attacks"?
I mean everyone goes through denial when some things go wrong. That's got absolutely nothing to do with type. I just wonder if NFs are more prone, if it's more pronounced or If I just need a " healthy good kick in the butt".

I'm trying to remember the last time I reacted like this, Dwigie. The only time I remember recently was when I got fired a couple of years back, but even then I had been furiously applying for jobs, and blocking the company's attempt to blacklist me. It was a relief (and in a funny way they did me a favour) when they finally gave me a ultimatum.
To this day, I've never truly worked out what happened, and it's something I don't look back at too closely. I didn't ever have time to work it out either, as I was exceptionally lucky to get a new job within two weeks of being escorted out there, and I had an interview the day after I got fired. I just thank the heavens I had the foresight (premonition) to start applying for other jobs almost as soon as I started, and I was lucky enough to cross paths with an employer who dealt with past "victims" of that company. She was great, she threw me in deep end so I didn't have time to get scared, or think. It was do, or die.
The numbness helped in a way 1. It stopped me accessing righteous anger which probably would have turned into a vendetta (wasting my time and energy).
2. It protected me from what could have been permanent emotional and mental damage.
3. It help me present myself as cool, calm and stable after being fired, and oddly gave me clarity in the here and now which was what I really needed.
For me, the only option is to take action, no matter how numb I feel.
 

bearette

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I can relate, generally. I don't have the exact same response although I do often block things out that are going to hurt badly. Sometimes I think I even have selective hearing or sight.

sometimes it works to live in a protective bubble when experiencing something difficult. however sometimes reality has a way of piercing through the bubble.
 

Dwigie

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Aug 25, 2008
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Well, in response to cascadem and kyrielle: the example is too personal to be laid out in the open. I haven't "digested" well to be honest and now, I'm about to "vomit"all over the place. That's about the best way to describe it.
 
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