it totally depends on the amount of time i was with that person & how close we were during that time perioud . . . a lot of factors are at work here . . . only once was i broken up with before i was ready to end it . . . and i had a really hard time with it. usually i am the one to end it first . . . or i am the one to be mean, cold, distant, bitchy for a few weeks or months & then the poor sucker is forced to dump me due to my "emotional abuse" . . . i'm not proud of this . . . but during this time period i guess i am trying to assess my feelings etc etc etc & i am in deep thought / deep angst & hate making decisions but also hate not making decisions . . .
anyways, what's going on with you cheerchick? are you thinking about dumping someone?
I've only been dumped a couple of times and the first time I reacted really badly (violently infact) mostly because of the betrayal behind it (cheating with a BF) rather than the being dumped.
The second time I showed no emotion at all, even if it hurt inside, I mourned for a few days and then moved on.
In my younger days I dumped alot of guys, not proud of the way I went about getting rid of guys I had grown bored with, I mostly just avoided them until they got the message, the few who managed to corner me into a response would plea for me to change my mind, and I would feel guilt and sometimes agree to another round, only to find another way to ditch them after.
Dumping my ex husband required me actually dealing head on with the problem and verbalising it, alot, and with iron will against the emotional blackmail being used back at me. (not an easy feat for a soft touch like me)
Now I have yet to see whether the new, more mature and improved way of dumping people will stick, should the need arise again.
I usually hold on for a retardedly long time, but I've also allowed others to "choose" me for relationships.. and holding onto horrible matches is about the worst thing one can do. I end up taking the blame for the relationship's failure onto my own shoulders, thinking about what I could've done differently, despite how horrible the relationship was and how bad a match the other person was.
I don't think I've ever actually dumped anyone, but I've taken the cowardly route and strung people along while I reached a stage of dissatisfaction and loss of interest. That, of course, is not good.. but given my parents' horrible marriage, I thought that that's what a relationship was doomed to be like.
Now that I have become more selective, seen hope in others' successful marriages, and learned to trust my people-intuition more, I don't really run into that problem. I'm only holding onto the good matches, and I'm choosing them myself.
eta: i'd like to explain that actually...you know what the deal is...at least how i see it. is that i hold a high opinion of everyone, myself included. i don't think that's narcissism exactly...so shush. :P
There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
Anyways I cant hurt others so I let my one LTR stay forever until he really, really dug out my soul after months of being cruel. Funny how nice he got the day I told him he needed to find his own apartment.
We broke up for four years while I had my first son and was in college, then when I went to grad school I didnt have the balls to tell him not to come along. Misery for about five more years till we moved back home and broke up again.
Now we have been broken up for about two years but I think he would come back again if given the chance. So I now have two cats, two dogs, a turtle and two children in a 900 sq ft condo. I also fill the house with houseplants and flowers. I have fortified my defenses so I should not have to worry about any man ever wanting to live with me again.