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  1. #41
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Yea, but is it possible for an ENFJ to think someone is coming to them for help when all they're really doing is venting or talking?

    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  2. #42
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    An interesting point, a common pothole NFJs fall into. I've learned to rein in that knee-jerk response. Having an ENFP around has helped to temper that.

    The language must be "Help me", "I need your input", "I can't think straight, what should I do?", "Does this sound wrong/right?" et al.

    If it relationship trouble, I reserve any advice. I just listen and try to reinforce the person I love as opposed to "you had to know X was a creep/harpy"...
    I think ENFJ's are fine most of the time. They just need to be careful with more impressionable types as they can be so forceful. This is the way ENFJ show their love, though, so it's understandable. I tend to operate more from the point of view of questioning assumptions and kicking people in the ass so they do their own thinking and acting.

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    That pot needed some stirring. Things were sticking to the sides. It was pretty gross.
    I'm a horrible cook, though.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #43
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Yea, but is it possible for an ENFJ to think someone is coming to them for help when all they're really doing is venting or talking?

    Thanks for saying you're glad to see my back. I'm just stirring the pot a bit.
    I'm totally happy you're stirring the pot because this is something I think when I see these types of threads. And I hate to say it, but sometimes people like to get others dependent on them as an egotrip. This is the dark side of being an ENFJ. I implore ENFJs to ask themselves that question. How much of your help is wanted and necessary? How much can you really do that will effect change?

    I have watched Fe-dominants get themselves embroiled in situations (and got myself caught up in a couple) because of stepping in to handle a situation when we should have stayed on the sidelines or "helped" in a less intrusive way.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #44
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I think ENFJ's are fine most of the time. They just need to be careful with more impressionable types as they can be so forceful. This is the way ENFJ show their love, though, so it's understandable. I tend to operate more from the point of view of questioning assumptions and kicking people in the ass so they do their own thinking and acting.
    Part of being a {healthy} ENFJ is trusting our instincts about people and taking appropriate action. I've had people limping to my side since I was a teenager. If it's just disappearing into warm safety to collect yourself, I don't mind offering abeyance. Do I stifle the urge to destroy whatever is causing the hurt? Yes. Doesn't mean I act on it.

    People come to me specifically FOR that. Otherwise, they could choose someone else.

    For example, when my ENTJ bff Athena is really upset. She gets understanding from me, reinforcement of her perceptions, but with my ENFP sister, she gets that certain something I don't have. My sister is very comforting to her. Sometimes when the phone rings and Athena is in bad shape, I go find Jaye.

    I'm a horrible cook, though.
    You so are. What is that... chick peas and cold broccoli?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #45
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Part of being a {healthy} ENFJ is trusting our instincts about people and taking appropriate action. I've had people limping to my side since I was a teenager. If it's just disappearing into warm safety to collect yourself, I don't mind offering abeyance. Do I stifle the urge to destroy whatever is causing the hurt? Yes. Doesn't mean I act on it.
    See, though. There is something that smacks of presumption in the bolded part. As if your help is what is needed or best, even presuming people limp over to your side for help with their wounds.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #46
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    See, though. There is something that smacks of presumption in the bolded part.
    Are you trying to steer this somewhere?

    Also, tossing the word "presumption" at me is kinda low. Implying that I think a lot/too much of myself. I don't get calls to fix roofs, to give practical advice, or to solve a lawn and garden mystery. I get calls for personal understanding and safety.

    As if your help is what is needed or best, even presuming people limp over to your side for help with their wounds.

    People DO come to me for help. I can't say why or what their motives are, but they do. You're assuming that I'm wrong. Luckily, I don't have questions about that part of my life. When someone says, "Pink, I need you", "Pink, help me", that's the green light.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #47
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Are you trying to steer this somewhere?

    Also, tossing the word "presumption" at me is kinda low. Implying that I think a lot/too much of myself. I don't get calls to fix roofs, to give practical advice, or to solve a lawn and garden mystery. I get calls for personal understanding and safety.
    Presumption is not a loaded word to me. No insult intended. It is easy to presume to know something. I do it all the time. Probably now.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #48
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Presumption is not a loaded word to me. No insult intended. It is easy to presume to know something. I do it all the time. Probably now.
    Presumption would be me giving parenting advice or correcting logic. I leak like a sieve. That would be an intrusion.

    My certainty on solid ground is not open to question. Whatever instinct propels me safely up the rock face on my little goat hooves - it is what it is.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #49
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Presumption would be me giving parenting advice or correcting logic. I leak like a sieve. That would be an intrusion.

    My certainty on solid ground is not open to question. Whatever instinct propels me safely up the rock face on my little goat hooves - it is what it is.
    To me, certainty demands question. When you find answers you stop digging.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #50
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    To me, certainty demands question. When you find answers you stop digging.
    You can't ever fully understand instinct. Ne is pretty delusional on that score - that everything can be understood. It can't. There are grey areas that will defy you. And my instincts may defy your reason as well.

    Oh to hijack the brain of an ENTP and use it for my devices.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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