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  1. #11
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    My mom is ENFJ and she has this problem a lot. She will do anything for anyone, and eventually people (including us, her children) start taking her for granted. She is always exhausted because she's so damn self-sacrificing. She needs to learn to say, "No" sometimes. But it's hard to do that...I know. I'm sorry you ENFJs have this problem... From now on I'll make sure to let all of you know how much I appreciate you, through words and actions.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey View Post
    My mom is ENFJ and she has this problem a lot. She will do anything for anyone, and eventually people (including us, her children) start taking her for granted. She is always exhausted because she's so damn self-sacrificing. She needs to learn to say, "No" sometimes. But it's hard to do that...I know. I'm sorry you ENFJs have this problem... From now on I'll make sure to let all of you know how much I appreciate you, through words and actions.
    Good insight Lacey. Im sure your mother is a great lady. You would think I would have it figured out by now.....
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  3. #13
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    I somewhat understand this feeling. While I don't feel that I over-extend myself in terms of helping others (not usually) I often have felt that when I really need someone, no one will be there for me in the way that I was there for them.

    I hope that my ENFJ friend knows how much I appreciate him. Maybe you guys feel this way because you have given the impression that you like to help (and I know you do). Others may feel they are not as good at it as you are. Which is true...but it doesn't feel good if you are left out in the cold.

    Once I asked a friend (not the ENFJ) why he wasn't there for me when I needed him, when I was willing to be there for him, and he said, "you are better at that than I am"

  4. #14
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    I somewhat understand this feeling. While I don't feel that I over-extend myself in terms of helping others (not usually) I often have felt that when I really need someone, no one will be there for me in the way that I was there for them.
    That sums it up. I've just had it. For some reason, it hit me hard today. I never have anyone step up and treat me the way I've treated them. I'm just burnt out and think I need a life change.

    I know I can't help who I am....but I sense myself pulling away from everyone. I don't trust anyone.....and feel....well......used.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  5. #15
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    i see this happeneing from the outside... all the time. *affinity for enfjs increases*

    Quote Originally Posted by Desperado44 View Post
    That sums it up. I've just had it. For some reason, it hit me hard today. I never have anyone step up and treat me the way I've treated them. I'm just burnt out and think I need a life change.

    I know I can't help who I am....but I sense myself pulling away from everyone. I don't trust anyone.....and feel....well......used.
    yes, go and distrust everyone. people suck. its the truth and youve finally come around to it. good for you, enfj person.

  6. #16
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    also remember that an an ENFJ you are an expert at sensing when others are upset and need help. Even if you ask others for help they may not be able to sense how upset you are or how much you need them at the time.

    as an example i have an INTP friend who is very nice, but I don't think she would be able to sense what I needed when I was upset, unless I spelled it out for her clearly, at which point she would probably be willing to help me in whatever way she could (probably helping me to analyze a situation and see things objectively more so than co-miserating with me).

    I know ENFJs are probably reluctant to ask for help, right? so others literally may not be aware you need it.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Enh....there are those that don't necessarily need help...but would like it if someone was actually compassionate.

    I've found that the typical ENFJ can't possibly 'ask for anything'....those around them have grown accustomed to them always having it together, rising above the problems, helping everyone else.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  8. #18
    Senior Member lecky's Avatar
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    ENFJ's make the best friends ever! They are so strong and stick to their guns and give the best advice...they are my favorite personality by far, I want to be an ENFJ!

  9. #19
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperado44 View Post
    Wow...that all sounds so familiar. I can't seem to learn to detach....I just get worn to the bone....and then I get resentful (?).....and then I alienate and hide....

    Ugh....I must be having a bad day.....
    : / Couldn't have said it better myself. I think due to our Fe we must absorb so much that we can't put up any walls to defend against the onslaught of emotions.

    Best way I have found to deal with it is to just have a hot bath with no lights on and just try and process everything. Taking an analytical approach to emotions and just life situations in general I find to be very helpful than just Fe'ing the crap out of everything.

    As far as your original point about being used I think that it all comes back to us wanting to please everyone. Even if there is the slightest possibility of completing the task we will go for it- even if it breaks us

  10. #20
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    : / Couldn't have said it better myself. I think due to our Fe we must absorb so much that we can't put up any walls to defend against the onslaught of emotions.

    Best way I have found to deal with it is to just have a hot bath with no lights on and just try and process everything. Taking an analytical approach to emotions and just life situations in general I find to be very helpful than just Fe'ing the crap out of everything.

    As far as your original point about being used I think that it all comes back to us wanting to please everyone. Even if there is the slightest possibility of completing the task we will go for it- even if it breaks us
    Well said. I'm contemplating how to attain more of a balance. I've gotten to the point where I just have to let calls go to voicemail....some I never return. I've stopped showing up at some events, I basically.....well, hide.

    I need to strike a balance.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

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