[ENFP] ENFPs: having too much hope

[revolve]

I think this is a question mostly for ENFPs . . .

but NF's have you ever "stuck it out" with someone early on in "dating" due to his / her MBTI type???

basically I have been "seeing" an unhealthy INFJ on & off for about 5 months now and I see soooo much good in him, even though he is unreliable, distant, inconsistent, an alcoholic & has bipolar . . . yep . . . it's all true. maybe ya'll think I'm crazy, but I am very attracted to him & where the hell is an ENFP girl to meet INFJ guys . . . there is no changing my mind . . . i decided that INFJ is the only thing that will work for me in the long haul . . . and I liked him for a long time before I administered the lovely test to him . . . in hopes that he wouldn't be INFJ because if he turned out to be something different I would've psyched myself out of liking him (i can do that, you know . . . )

anyhow . . . thoughts / comments / stories . . .

 

[Laurie]

Yikes. INFJ's are difficult without all that stuff going on. Run. Fast. Far.

I think you will find other INFJ's because they naturally agree with you as enfp. Try to find yourself a healthy one though.

 

[phoenix13]

Well lemme tell you... everytime I've stubbornly stuck to a path that reason says is bad, but which I really really want to follow for god knows what reason has ended badly for me.

You haven't mentioned anything truly deep in your commitment to him. Your best argument is the fact that INFJs are rare, and that's a very very weak argument for spending the rest of your life with someone who will at best hinder or slow down your growth and at worst pull you down to an equally unhealthy state.

I say end it.

Disclaimer: I'm a random internet person who knows jack squat about you and your situation... consider my advice accordingly.

 

[Clownmaster]

This thread hasn't been touched for awhile, but neither has any NF private forum thread, and this one at least has april replies, so I'm going to go ahead and throw my 2 cents into the ring.

I think this is a question mostly for ENFPs . . .

but NF's have you ever "stuck it out" with someone early on in "dating" due to his / her MBTI type???

Never, and that's almost even a childish thing to do, in my opinion. Personality type is more a loose rule of thumb on people rather than any set of rules or guidelines. So its like the speed limit on the highway when there are no cops around

I see soooo much good in him, even though he is unreliable, distant, inconsistent, an alcoholic & has bipolar . . . yep . . . it's all true.

You see so much good in him, sure. But do you see any improvement? If he was in rehab while trying to get rid of his addiction to alcohol, seeing a therapist to filter his issues and learn to be a more productive member of society, or something along those lines, I could see following up on this person being a potential good move. Even then, I'd be wary for a few months though.

 

[Wild horses]

Yep my hope has got me into a whole bunch of troubles before now... I am soooo stubborn with it too and just wont give it up, won't let my hope die a death along with whatever it is I am hoping in...

 

[Bubbles]

I'm an INFP, but I know I'd totally hold onto a bad relationship, so instead of getting in a sticky situation I'm just really careful about who I date. I have friends who date whomever whenever and, uh, I hear way more negative stories than positive ones. A handful of those people are ENFPs, too.

 

[LadyJaye]

I'd rather be single by a mile than struggle with someone in a bad relationship. Why make yourself miserable? Why make someone else miserable? Maybe it goes against the typical ENFP grain(?) to say it, but I can't deal with the idea that I have to wrangle with someone. If they aren't adult enough to modify their own behavior, then I'm sure as heck not gonna do it for them. I'm not going to be their mother or their boss.

 

[nameBRAND]

I can't say I've stuck by someone because of their "type". But I guess the overall premise is the same. I held on to someone early in a relationship because I felt they had a quality about them that people rarely had. By doing this, ignoring the obvious warning signs of " GET OUT QUICK ". But as I later began to realize, you fall in love with someone not based on a single rare quality but the entire package. This single quality then became the entire package without actually being the entire package. You know the warning signs as you've stated them yourself. I say, find a person who you genuinely like even if their "type" isn't your projected match. As it'll open more doors for you meeting someone awesome.

 

[BerberElla]

Well lemme tell you... everytime I've stubbornly stuck to a path that reason says is bad, but which I really really want to follow for god knows what reason has ended badly for me.

Totally. If only I could listen to my reason before my feelings lol.

 

[Rachelinpa]

can't say I've stuck by someone because of their "type". But I guess the overall premise is the same. I held on to someone early in a relationship because I felt they had a quality about them that people rarely had.

Definitely. It's really hard not to get caught up on that one quality.

 

[seeker22]

Yup! We ENFPs have this tendency BIG TIME... I think it's because:

a) We have this thing called "Vision." We easily see what *COULD* be and not what *IS*

b) We focus on the best in people - no matter what.

Example: John Smith has two DUIs, bad credit, and a drinking problem.
ENFP: "But's he's sooooo sweet and well-intentioned... and he has a brilliant mind and an amazing sense of humor!!! He's really trying hard to make improvements and I admire his efforts!!"

c) We slide into fantasy rather than staying grounded in reality.
I actually had to come up with a mantra for myself to help with this:
"Facts are friends. Repeat, Facts are friends."
That's for when I catch myself fantasizing over how it "could be/if only..." I have to remind myself of the REALITY of the situation.

These qualities can endear us to others - and also be our Achilles heal by keeping us involved in unhealthy situations.

Another tool I have started utilizing: what would I say/think/feel/do if a FRIEND came to me and described the situation I myself am involved in right now. For some reason, when I take MYSELF out of it - my objectivity returns. However, when I am emotionally involved, I find myself almost "too close to it" to have perspective.

Reading the first post - rationally and objectively - it is clearly an unheathy situation. But I completely understand that you're already involved emotionally and therefore it does feel genuinely confusing to you. From the outside looking in it seems obvious.

Damn that ENFP MISGUIDED HOPE thing!!!!!