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  1. #11
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Thank you all This has been a question that puzzled me about xNFPs. I personally found that it's much easier dealing with problems when I have somebody to share it with... in a way as a sounding board, or to bounce ideas off of... It's also the occasion to release pent up emotions. But most XNFPs I talk to rarely do so. I look at them and I know something's up but I have to fight them to get it out. I can see INFPs strong introversion might dislike talking about things but it puzzled me that the fairly sociable ENFP will do the same.
    I'm glad that my explanation helped. In fact, I can be very very private as a person. I quite "E" (over I) on the Myers Briggs but I find that my personal life is pretty personal to me. I'm open but to a point. I'm open about things that aren't really all that personal to me. I often feel that I'm holding back the waters of my internal reality, if that makes sense.

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Just my two cents on the privacy matter:

    a) totally agree on the judgement thing

    b) I learned not to share everything. I used to, and it got thrown back in my face...a lot. Now, I'm still an open book on most subjects, but sensitive topics...I stay away from. Only my SO gets to push those buttons. The reason is very simple: I know he can handle what will follow. Most of the time, I don't wanna burden people with my intense rants which I cannot control when I get insecure. I won't refuse to answer your question if you were to touch upon those insecurities. But you have to ask me directly, and be able to circumvent my evasive manoeuvres, and even then you'll get a two sentence explanation as I don't wanna overwhelm you and I wanna pace myself. And I need to trust you and know you can handle it...
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #13
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Why ENFPs usually have so much problems with idea of conflict?
    My answer to this may sound weak, but it's about as deep as I can go. ENFP's have an unpleasant physical reaction to conflict. When I am around conflict, a sickening heaviness wells up inside of me. Imagine a situation where someone says something like "Is that why your wife divorced you?" jokingly, and the person responds "No, she died of cancer..." and as everyone sits there in silence, nonplussed, and your stomach begins to turn...(INTPs, I don't know if this applies to you ) I get a similar reaction to conflicts of all sorts and degrees of importance. Hence, I avoid them at all costs.

    But let's take this one step further. Why would an ENFP react that way? In all situations with wiggle room, an ENFP's Ne is comfortable. If something goes awry, he has confidence in his ability to improvise a solution. As an F, he is a pansy and must internalize interpersonal conflicts. In such a conflict, the Fi is automatically stressed. This discomfort is compounded by an Ne that is totally unable to rectify the situation. Therefore, in working toward a solution, the ENFP is forced to resort to a Tertiary Te, or other intelligences which are not natural or comfortable.

    A comparison may be drawn between this and any situation that binds the primary functions of a given type. I cannot think of an actual example, but I'll edit this post if I do.


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Where do babies come from?
    Come over to my place and I'll show you.
    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Why doesn't ENFP confide things that matters to them and they feel as "personal" to even those who are close to them unless they feel as if they don't have a choice?
    This syntax is really fucked up. But I think you're asking why an ENFP would resist opening up to someone close to them. Honestly, I think this is a problem more for INTJ's than ENFP's. Maybe your ENFP friends just don't trust you. Or maybe I misunderstand the question.



    My question is:
    Where can i find ENFPs? How will they seem at first?[/QUOTE]

    That's a good question. Wherever they are, they will probably stand out a bit- or look like they're trying to. I wouldn't be surprised if they find you. If you are in highschool, check the theater department. If you are in college, check the psychology department. If you aren't in school, look for them at some local protest. Hugging trees, opposing The Man, and very likely having no clue what they're talking about if you really grill them.

    ENFPs are really friendly. They'll probably seem like they have their "heads in the clouds," unconcerned with the present reality and gushing about some hot new thing that they haven't been able to stop thinking about for the past few days and that they believe other people would be interested in hearing them talk about (so long as they are animated enough when they talk about it to excite those around them.) If it is an ENFP you don't know, say a friend of a friend, and there are a few strangers around, the ENFP will probably be quite reserved, in stark contrast with his usual self. An ENFP likes to be goofy and eccentric, but he doesn't want to be ridiculed. So he will probably wait to come out of his shell until he has gotten a "good read" on the people around him. However, if he is indicated, or if someone requests he tell a story, you will probably witness something funny and clever. They tend to make strong impressions regardless of howmuchthey say. That is, when they speak, a lot of themselves comes out with the words.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Why doesn't ENFP confide things that matters to them and they feel as "personal" to even those who are close to them unless they feel as if they don't have a choice?
    Ok. Judging by the responses you got, I believe I understood your question the first time. Like I said in my previous post, I did not know that this was a problem with ENFP's. That it is troubles me. I would imagine the ENFP yearning for others to know exactly who they are and accept it. This apprehension would be self-destructive to such a person.

    Anyone who knows me knows just about everything about me. I would like nothing more than to have a loving relationship with everyone I know, and to be able to build more and more of these. This appeals to my F and appears to be the best possible situation. If someone disagrees with the way I see things, or my Fi, then I like to hear exactly why that is. They are not a threat, because if they are wrong, our discussion or debate will lead them to understand that. If they are correct, then it is I who must change, and through this I may grow to be something better than I was before. Either way, Te will save the day because my Fi will either stand strong in the face of the external standard or go up in flames before it. An apprehensive ENFP is an ENFP who is not comfortable enough to analyze and explain his feelings in a calm and objective manner. Perhaps he fears that because of this, he will be unable to justify his feelings in the case of a disagreement, and in turn, he will be forced to cling to his own beliefs irrationally, which would lead to more ridicule, or else admit that he is at fault. This can be explained again by a weak Te, and I can recall feeling more like this when I was a child. A healthy and balanced ENFP should be able to check his self against the world and feel comfortable admitting that he is at fault, if that is the case.

  5. #15
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Thank you all This has been a question that puzzled me about xNFPs. I personally found that it's much easier dealing with problems when I have somebody to share it with... in a way as a sounding board, or to bounce ideas off of... It's also the occasion to release pent up emotions. But most XNFPs I talk to rarely do so. I look at them and I know something's up but I have to fight them to get it out. I can see INFPs strong introversion might dislike talking about things but it puzzled me that the fairly sociable ENFP will do the same.
    Yeah, the bolded part. A friend I know, it's like a constant thing, and I'm forever saying, "there's something missing" or "what the hell's going on?!"

    Possibly not the best approach.

    On the other hand, if it's true that "it is often hard to assign words to the values used to make introverted Feeling judgments since they are often associated with images, feeling tones, and gut reactions more than words", then maybe, basically, they don't know how to articulate it on the spot.

    Another friend, who is fairly open these days, it's still true that there's missing parts in what he says. Looks like he's protecting things. And my Te (possibly a little more than Ni) goes ahead and spots absences in the way he's used his Te to express the Fi. It looks like fear or worry or strategising, because the question is always, "but what are you not saying?"

    So, articulating the feeling vs having the feeling.

    I speculate Te sometimes (often?) gets the better of Fi. The genuine judgment is supposed to be discrimination between feeling tones and a resulting evaluation of things and people, but Te as a management tool is easier on the nerves.

    Works for me.

    And, to some important degree, I think, frustrating though it is, it's okay. If Te's going to be the voice of Fi, then perhaps it's always going to be partial. You do, to some extent, just gotta trust that the hidden Fi's honest. Maybe you do build the trust by screwing with their Te, and maybe you just trust. Who knows.


    I don't know which answer made sense. Someone tell me and we'll exchange sawbucks.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Into It View Post
    Come over to my place and I'll show you.
    I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

    Scandalous.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

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