User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 31

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default Attachment Prone (ENFP)

    It says in the description of ENFPs that we are "attachment prone." I know this is definitely true of me. Understand that of course it applies only to a select few special people. And, I almost always care more about the relationship than they do (passion, baby!).

    I am in a very transitory period of life and find that my relationships change a lot. It's interesting because while I really like change (and get bored otherwise), I still value the stability of certain people (I like) in my life. It's really hard on me when they leave, especially when it dawns on me that I am almost always more invested than they are.

    Also, I have noticed a pattern that this is really only with Ts. Is it because of the challenge? I'm not sure. I do really usually prefer the company of Ts and I adore the ones who are detached. However, it always ends up hurting me in the end! It seems so stupid. I hate being attached and really do envy that detachment/apathetic quality, and I feel almost like my attachment is a negative quality or one that I wish I did not have. I don't like feeling weak and vulnerable! It's gross.

    It seems like it's harder than it should be. And, it makes me wonder if it's a ENFP thing that I should accept or if it is something that I can get rid of. Practically, I know how I should be able to be healthy in this area of my life (assuming that how I attach now is not) and I can tell myself it, but I don't really believe it.

    What do you think?

  2. #2
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    And, I almost always care more about the relationship than they do (passion, baby!).
    yes

    It's really hard on me when they leave, especially when it dawns on me that I am almost always more invested than they are.
    yes

    Also, I have noticed a pattern that this is really only with Ts. Is it because of the challenge? I'm not sure. I do really usually prefer the company of Ts and I adore the ones who are detached. However, it always ends up hurting me in the end! It seems so stupid. I hate being attached and really do envy that detachment/apathetic quality, and I feel almost like my attachment is a negative quality or one that I wish I did not have. I don't like feeling weak and vulnerable! It's gross.

    It seems like it's harder than it should be. And, it makes me wonder if it's a ENFP thing that I should accept or if it is something that I can get rid of. Practically, I know how I should be able to be healthy in this area of my life (assuming that how I attach now is not) and I can tell myself it, but I don't really believe it.

    What do you think?
    I know the feeling of, well, feeling weak and vulnerable when it seems like nobody else around you is, and admiring those who don't seem to be so affected by their emotions or their environment, or otherwise don't seem to need other people.

    But there are those out there who actually value traits that arise from your mindset.. namely, loyalty, understanding, and warmth. The best thing you can do is find people who value you for you, your tendency to give love, your ability to share your vulnerabilities and all. To that end, I find that I can usually get closest to NF's, but I still do have plenty of T friends.

    A somewhat contrasting point.. being around an NT environment for so long, I've somewhat learned to detach and take an objective view of certain situations, although I've recognized that it's harder for me to do than it is for them. My T friends' tendencies do rub off on me, and vice versa. I'm all about learning from the people around me.

  3. #3
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    2,830

    Default

    Attach yourself to an ISTJ. If you become friend with a good ISTJ, you will not be let down and your friendship will probably last indefinitley. Like any friendship though, you will have your arguments.

    Feeling weak and vulnerable is just part of being friends. If you aren't weak and vulnerable how do you know if the other person is truly your friend or not? It's a risk to see if they will betray your trust. If they do betray your trust, obviously stop trusting them. If they don't, then they are truly your friend.

    My best friend is an ENFP and we have been friends for a VERY long time. I notice I have outlasted alot of his other friends (i.e. they move away and dont keep in touch) and he has outlasted almost all of mine.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    But there are those out there who actually value traits that arise from your mindset.. namely, loyalty, understanding, and warmth. The best thing you can do is find people who value you for you, your tendency to give love, your ability to share your vulnerabilities and all. To that end, I find that I can usually get closest to NF's, but I still do have plenty of T friends.
    Yeah, absolutely! I'm always keeping an eye out for the faithful. And, I find that a lot of them do definitely appreciate me. But, it's still like when it's time to say goodbye, it's not that big of a deal to them -- no matter how loyal they are. And, it's so hard for me. Although, I would say that SFs I have met have a harder time seeing me go than I them... but, I would think it is not to the same level of intensity I feel.

    A somewhat contrasting point.. being around an NT environment for so long, I've somewhat learned to detach and take an objective view of certain situations, although I've recognized that it's harder for me to do than it is for them. My T friends' tendencies do rub off on me, and vice versa. I'm all about learning from the people around me.
    Me too. I like the balance... but! It still leads to me recognize that it's not natural for me and it is for them.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    I know the feeling of, well, feeling weak and vulnerable when it seems like nobody else around you is, and admiring those who don't seem to be so affected by their emotions or their environment, or otherwise don't seem to need other people.
    Yeaaaaaaaah. Waaaaaaah! I want to be like that!!

    Detachment wins because you get hurt less.

  6. #6
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,460

    Default

    i don't actually invest more, but i feel like i get attached way stronger than others generally do. i feel like i have a desire to connect more, when it breaks off or goes the wrong way it hurts me more than others. sparse intermittent connection doesn't really work for me, i need something intense and electric.

    but at the same time, i feel like someone else could easily step in and replace them. i get disappointed and sad and woe is me, but it has more to do with having something surgically removed and missing its absence in the time it takes to find a new donor.

    if i were an enfp i would be a total relationship slut. but i'm too introverted for that to work out well, along with my lack of the great agility of Ne dom. i find enfps can put everything they have into something, but for the most part, they can move on quickly bc they see so many possibilities tactile and present smoking off their fingertips. at least you don't get hurt easily and then feel stuck for a long time bc you can't see a new way, re-route, create and open up a myriad of possibilities around you.

    dwelling on the meaning of what has transpired and allowing that to limit your options for the future creates way too much emotional conservatism. which prevents you from living your life the way you are meant to live it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    at least you don't get hurt easily and then feel stuck for a long time bc you can't see a new way, re-route, create and open up a myriad of possibilities around you.
    See, that's odd... and maybe part of when I'm not like my personality type. You'd think that because I would assume that there would be more possibilities for NEW relationships that I would be more willing to let go of the ones I already have. Thing is, I want both! I want to hold onto the ones I have and add to it... I feel like I can make space for people if I really like them, but that could also just be because right now I have an overwhelming amount of acquaintances and not enough (of what I would consider to be) real friends. Being "stuck" is my worst fear. And, I do go into a panic every time I get hurt... I throw myself into the world and hope I'll run into someone who is awesome, which... happens enough that I guess I really should trust my own pattern.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    i don't actually invest more, but i feel like i get attached way stronger than others generally do. i feel like i have a desire to connect more, when it breaks off or goes the wrong way it hurts me more than others. sparse intermittent connection doesn't really work for me, i need something intense and electric.
    Yeah... I kind of know that feeling, but true... as an introvert it does seem like yours is intense in a different honed sort of way. I think I am like an introvert only with lots of acquaintances. Does that make sense? I value the intensity and electric relationships far more than the other relationships... but at the same time, I need the other ones to balance out my intensity or I will go crazy. SJs and SPs are like my breath of fresh air. Whereas, perhaps, you and other INTs and INFs are more willing to not have those outside relationships and just have the inner ones. (not really profound, but I process externally... haha)

  9. #9
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    6,075

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    And, I almost always care more about the relationship than they do (passion, baby!).
    True, that.

  10. #10
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    6,075

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    See, that's odd... and maybe part of when I'm not like my personality type.
    No, ENFP get hurt easily and feel stuck. You sound like your personality type

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!
    By findthejake in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 1133
    Last Post: 12-08-2017, 02:44 PM
  2. [ENFP] ENFP's are PARANOID! Hahahaha...um...
    By CzeCze in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 73
    Last Post: 07-30-2009, 09:33 AM
  3. [ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction
    By targobelle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 458
    Last Post: 05-24-2009, 03:07 PM
  4. [ENFP] INFP vs. ENFP
    By arcticangel02 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-21-2009, 04:19 AM
  5. [ENFP] The ENFP Paradox
    By autumn in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 83
    Last Post: 01-15-2008, 04:14 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO