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  1. #1
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Default NFJ's and fitting

    Something i've noticed from NFJ's is their urge to fit in. This urge is not apparent in their P equvalients. While this is understandble considering the fact that they use Fe, but i still can't grasp why exactly, that this function is drive to that goal..

    Can anyone elaborate?.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  2. #2
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I think it's less about fitting in and more about making people around them feel comfortable and harmonious. They want to make situations so much so they could drive people away. That causes guilt and in turn causes the NFJ to ignore their own feelings or needs. That would cause them to try even harder to fit in or at least it would appear that way.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #3
    Member invaderzim's Avatar
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    ^^^This is true. I want everyone to get along or at least be civil to one another. Whats the point in being hostile or a douche to another? People rarely change. But I think everyone should get along in the "moment" and respect each others boundaries. And if you don't like certain people's personalities then ignore them. Unless confrontation is unavoidable, then one quick, brutal "crushing"/ airing of their insecurities is enough to get your point across. But I hate endless drama, it messes with my moods.

    My desire for social haramony is self serving. I'm like a litmus for human emotion. I have a hyper sensitivity to facial expressions, mannerisms, and motives. I've bluntly told people what I thought they were up to, when I got a bad feeling about their future actions....and they just had this wide-eyed look of horror that I could see through them. I hate "knowing" people are going to do bad stuff. I hate being able to see through people's bull crap. But I hate it even more when people believe I'm too stupidly "nice" to know what they are up to. It's just the idealist in me I want to believe that people will do the right thing. But even when you make it impossible for some people to do the wrong thing, they still find a way screw it up or try to screw some else over.

    When "the group" is in harmony and I really get a chance to understand people, I am feeling sooo good inside. It sends good vibrations through my soul. Now, I can act as crazy or silly as I want. If some one is in crisis, oh crAP. I can feel it too. I'm there with them I can empathize. I can't stop thinking about: What if I was in that situation? I feel sick inside. I have to help you.

    In general, I don't want to fit in. Most of the time, I feel indifferent to everyone. Everyone gets the same "generic" brand of my niceness. You're only close to an NFJ when they "explode" on you and your still friends afterward. Only people I'm close to see my dark moody/cynical side. I'll be the first person to wander off and disappear by myself. Most of the time, I don't even want to be bothered with people. Unless, I'm giving them advice or trying to help them understand themselves. Otherwise, I like to be left alone.
    (Except on that rare occasion, i meet someone so fascinating I have to be around them---ENFP)

  4. #4
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    It's not about fitting in. Like said above it's wanting everyone to feel comfortable around them. We really love to be in harmony with everyone around us, and if there is just 1 person we have conflict with, we will not feel right.

    Fe is all about connecting with other people and making them feel good about themselves. We aim to avoid hurting people at all costs. That's why we're usually quite gentle, calm, and mannered, because we know that these things make others around us feel comfortable.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure I quit "trying to fit in" about the time I graduated second grade. Whatever it is you observed on NFJ behavior I believe you jumped to an incorrect conclusion.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  6. #6
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    we derive more subjective meaning, value, emotional response in our connections with others than in our inherent(-seeming) introverted Fi values, beliefs, impressions, senses of self. we shape-shift more, constantly refining ways of creating impressions of ourselves that will communicate something to others, who are constantly changing based on context, social activities, new faces, etc.

    our emotions are located more on the in-between. the relationship we have toward the world and vice versa, more than what we just in our heart of hearts KNOW (Fi).

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    J conforms and promotes conformity, that's why it's evil.

  8. #8
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    J conforms and promotes conformity, that's why it's evil.
    But it only wants to love you... come closer... clooooserrrr...
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    I tend to get along with people easily, I am just simply not a very confrontational person. But on the inside I am pretty independent, I have my own opinons but I don't necessarily air them, I do my own thing but I don't shout or argue about it.

    So as the above posters have said it might seem like we try to fit in but we are just trying to build bridges and make people get along with each other but that doesn't keep us from being very opinionated and strong-willed once you look a bit deeper.

  10. #10
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I'm not saying to myself: "Okay, time to fit in!" but "Time to not make a fool of myself and make people uncomfortable!"
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

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