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  1. #11
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    J conforms and promotes conformity, that's why it's evil.
    seriously? nfj promotes communication/community. there's a difference. we didn't invent the a-bomb.

    many of us are masters of form and dialect. we are shape-shifters and chameleons. we ourselves are often in between one form and the next, shedding old skins and growing new ones.

    j takes in new information too, it is just more directed and focused. j focuses and p does the opposite. haven't we figured this out? this is what judging is, pairing down to a verdict, weighing, etc. we do this externally vs internally, watch the results/outcomes present all around us, etc.

    but yes Je/extraverted judging probably does have more desire to harmonize and mobilize, commune and conquer. so there is that. march! it likes to connect with the world outside of itself, to merge, to blend its will with that of the world. and as such it IS more OUTWARDLY judgmental. but it can listen too and admit when it is wrong, when it needs help, when it needs to give in and move on to something new, better, more pure. when it itself needs to change.

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Wow, invaderzim says a lot of things I really identify with. People often believe we are too stupidly "nice" (that is such an insulting word) to know what is going on under the surface. It's very true that we give off a generic niceness to make everyone feel comfortable and make things work. That is a very uninteresting mode to operate in all the time though, which is why I think INFJs anyway do not enjoy large groups of people. That and there are too many people's emotions/opinions and interactions to be concerned with.

    I think about the people that I trust enough or care enough about to get angry at, honest with or cry in front of and still carry on the friendship and they are the people that are in my inner circle. At first glance it may seem like we are just being picky or mean with you and not with other people, but is actually a significant compliment. We like you well enough to show you who we really are and trust that you will understand and behave respectfully.

    There is one sense that could be perceived as being concerned with fitting in. That is a fear of social rejection and hypersensitivity to any signs of not being wanted. My internal filter for what I say is turned up much higher the larger the group or the less I have in common with them and so I overrehearse what I want to say or how I am going to interact or choose not to even go to the social event. Often if I make myself bother to go, I have fun, but need some sense of comfort with the situation. I also am interested in how other people perceive me. Because I don't express my opinion unless it is solicited and respectfully received, many people think that I agree with them or that I am different than I really am. Sometimes I think it is funny how people see me, but sometimes I am frustrated that they think that the polite exterior is all that is there. INFJs are quite opinionated in some regards, but most people never bother to find out what they think because they are good listeners.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    I'm pretty sure I quit "trying to fit in" about the time I graduated second grade. Whatever it is you observed on NFJ behavior I believe you jumped to an incorrect conclusion.
    Definitely.

  4. #14
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Because I don't express my opinion unless it is solicited and respectfully received, many people think that I agree with them or that I am different than I really am. Sometimes I think it is funny how people see me, but sometimes I am frustrated that they think that the polite exterior is all that is there. INFJs are quite opinionated in some regards, but most people never bother to find out what they think because they are good listeners.
    Yes, agreed.

    One thing that is irritating to me is that I'm just being polite to people and not wanting to hurt them, and they take it as me being a close friend to them. It's amazing to me how I can reveal very little of myself, and suddenly someone with poor boundaries will assume that we are of like minds. Ick.

  5. #15
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    "Fitting in" seems more like a myth for most anyone. I see fitting in as knowing how to reshape your public image to appear more like a norm. I have some doubts as to whether or not people in general ever "feel" like they belong.

    If I say "I don't fit in", i typically mean that my thoughts and motivations tend to be misperceived and/or not particularly valued. It tends to be associated with a feeling of not being able to contribute something of value because the raw materials of myself are not particularly seen as useful in the context.

    If i were to fit in, I think it would feel like those around me were predisposed to not judging me in a negative light. I am going to a Scifi convention with my Sweety in August, and I might just get a little of that vibe.
    Last edited by labyrinthine; 06-06-2009 at 08:41 PM. Reason: shortened post
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    Non-conformity just seems so passe. What is there to rebel against when rebellion is the only thing universally admired? I may not always naturally fit in, but I also don't get a boost of noble authenticity from viewing myself as fundamentally different from most other people. It's just pointlessly isolating.

  7. #17
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    But it only wants to love you... come closer... clooooserrrr...
    Hold me closer PinkPiranha.
    Count the headlights on the highway.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

  8. #18
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    seriously? nfj promotes communication/community. there's a difference.
    Communities are evil. There

    Give me freedom to run naked on the streets of Cairo people!

  9. #19
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Communities are evil. There

    Give me freedom to run naked on the streets of Cairo people!
    much of the reason you want to do this (run! be free!) is based on the values of the community that you want to use to define yourself, relate to, transgress, etc. you are nothing without community and these actions would be meaningless. have fun scratching tally marks on trees in your own little silent film. or perhaps playing the "maverick" in the next political thriller. next.

    with that said, next time you run thru the streets of cairo naked, bring me along. it sounds like fun

  10. #20
    Member Decon's Avatar
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    I agree with this. More so the chameleon part the state mentioned. My aunt told me that she could see my a skate park the way I was dressed at the moment. But she also said that she could see me running around wearing a suit and tie and hang with the buisness crowd.

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