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  1. #31
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post

    NFs are also quite unlikey to attack the other persons belief system.

    Do you feel uncomfortable doing that or you are afraid that you will be depressed if you do that? Or you are afraid of destroying a friendship (or whatever)?
    I would not attack another person's belief system as I find it fundamentally wrong to do so unless they are someone very close to me. Trying to influence them I would do but not so much that it would sound offensive.

  2. #32
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    If you're breathing, someone, somewhere is offended.

  3. #33
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    When I say belief system I also mean values.


    I don't have problems with idea of questioning others position when I notice inconsistency or deficit of logic. Which is in many cases.




    However I am too detached to be a real antagonist.

  4. #34
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    I've said this before but I think sugar coating things and being "non offensive" is actually more offensive in the long run
    I think the key is personalising your tactics when dealing with individual people.

    With my sensitive friends I take care that what I am saying is said in a way I know will work for them best, whereas with my estp sister it feels GOOD to be able to just be straight up and say it like it is without beating around the bush.

    Honestly I am only careful in what I say when dealing with people who I know already will take it in a bad way. It's necessary and it's called being tactful, something everyone needs a little bit of.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  5. #35
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Tries to be fair, if that entails being diplomatic rather than abrasive then that'll work depending on the situation. I prefer to be tactful. I do not like to step on peoples toes on purpose to get my point across or need to. This may happen unintentionally, however when the reaction happens it is usually about the other person than something I did to upset, although I'll still try to tone it down even when I don't have to.

    When you tell it like it is all the time, it is usually too confronting, offensive or taken like an attack. And puts the other person into instant defense and trust goes. The same applies if you have a tendency to sugar coat all the time because then you do not know the facts and wonder is it okay or worse, its like a shiney balloon that is iching to burst someday.

    I think it is better to take each person on their history and what they are able or capable to deal with or hear rather than attacking to get your views across, its discretion.

  6. #36
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    no.

    if someone attacks my belief system then i do not carry on a conversation with them. there is no point. if they are not open enough to consider my belief system, then they can screw themselves. if they do consider it and they make valid points against it, im comfortable enough with myself to question my beliefs and change them if need be. i like having discussions, not necessarily debates. i think debating is stupid if the whole point isn't to come to some sort of universal truth or a truth that both parties can accept, but is to just prove the other person wrong.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

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  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I think the key is personalising your tactics when dealing with individual people.

    With my sensitive friends I take care that what I am saying is said in a way I know will work for them best, whereas with my estp sister it feels GOOD to be able to just be straight up and say it like it is without beating around the bush.

    Honestly I am only careful in what I say when dealing with people who I know already will take it in a bad way. It's necessary and it's called being tactful, something everyone needs a little bit of.
    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I prefer to gently tell people my opinions and the truth. As Luke put it...
    It's more like how blackcat put it, theres a difference between telling someone in a sensitive way and "sugar coating" it

    In a way they are essentially BSing you

    Example Question: "Have I gained weight?"

    Sensitive answer: Why do you ask? Do you think you need to? Are you still doing your exercise and diet that you were telling me about?

    Find out WHY they asked first, its actually important... if they ask for your opinion still after asking them that (which I doubt because I bet they were just looking for support) then tell them the truth and it will go down a whole lot better after they know you've talked about an actual solution to loosing their weight rather than a blunt... yeah you're fat and all hope is gone.

    Blunt answer: honestly, you could loose some kgs... heres how... and what works for me... blah blah blah

    Sugar Coating answer: Don't worry you're beautiful (notice how being pretty has nothing to do with the original question)

    After they say that they follow up with a distracting questing such as "btw are we still going to that party tonight?"

  8. #38
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    It's more like how blackcat put it, theres a difference between telling someone in a sensitive way and "sugar coating" it

    In a way they are essentially BSing you

    Example Question: "Have I gained weight?"

    Sensitive answer: Why do you ask? Do you think you need to? Are you still doing your exercise and diet that you were telling me about?

    Find out WHY they asked first, its actually important... if they ask for your opinion still after asking them that (which I doubt because I bet they were just looking for support) then tell them the truth and it will go down a whole lot better after they know you've talked about an actual solution to loosing their weight rather than a blunt... yeah you're fat and all hope is gone.

    Blunt answer: honestly, you could loose some kgs... heres how... and what works for me... blah blah blah

    Sugar Coating answer: Don't worry you're beautiful (notice how being pretty has nothing to do with the original question)

    After they say that they follow up with a distracting questing such as "btw are we still going to that party tonight?"
    Ah, I thought sugar coating was being sensitive, not an outright liar lol I would and have told my friends the truth in a gentle way when they have asked about weight since I can't stand people lying to me over the same thing.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Ah, I thought sugar coating was being sensitive, not an outright liar lol I would and have told my friends the truth in a gentle way when they have asked about weight since I can't stand people lying to me over the same thing.
    lol yeh, they don't see it as lying though and I guess technically it isn't... I'm not really good at thinking of examples of it but its just making things seem better than they actually are for the sake of it... very sad !

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    In a way they are essentially BSing you
    Agree

    But in some cases, such as...

    Example Question: "Have I gained weight?"
    ...they might really be asking a different question, such as.. oh, "Do you still find me attractive?" But then they might really be asking the question you've posed.

    It really takes knowing what the other person is trying to communicate to you in order to form an appropriate response.

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