[MBTI General] How to deal with thinkers emotional blocked-ness?

[entropie]

- Darling, how do you like the woman shown on TV ?

- Well she is nice, not all girls can have a freaking awesome butt as you have

(you have to let her mind work, with a word puzzle, if she asks that questions, then she forgets what she wanted to rant about )

 

[Fluffywolf]

- Darling, how do you like the woman shown on TV ?

- Very flat and two dimensional.. *continues reading newspaper*


Seriously though, if my girl asks me such questions, she will most definatly get silly answers.

 

[entropie]

Ya my intp friend used to say, when the circle of males was going whacko about the hot pornstar on television: "She is nice but her nose is bent !"

He always had got the eagles-eye

 

[Fluffywolf]

Aye, such things generally don't peak the INTP's interest. We really don't give a shit what some random unknown person looks like.

 

[Rachelinpa]

Very flat and two dimensional.. *continues reading newspaper*

I get those responses all the time! It's a game. Will I be interesting to the INTP today... I never know!! It's terrible because eventually I start sounding redundant. But it works out in the end because the INTP is entertained by my trying so hard to entertain, and I am entertained by him being entertained... if that makes sense.

 

[Riva]

the title should be -

How to deal with IXTPs and IXTJs emotional blocked-ness?

other thinkers don't have a emotional wall.

this is how i feel. but maybe cus i don't need anything more.

 

[ergophobe]

Help understanding an ENTP

I met an ENTP woman recently and had a few whirlwind dates and felt completely swept off my feet. I felt really strong chemistry - physical and intellectual and it seemed like it was mutual. She was very attentive and listened carefully and hours would go by without either of us noticing. I'm an ENXP - probably lean more towards F on most days so of course, I'm really excited about the prospects of what might be at this point.

Soon after, she had to go away for work and I figured we would keep in touch (certainly not all the time, freedom is important to me too) but about once a week or so until she came back. I heard once and it was a rather controlled email but nice. I respect differences in expression so didn't mind - figured as long as we were both ourselves, it would be okay. I responded in more NF fashion than I should have, showing a lot of emotion and asking a lot of questions about her. I didn't hear back. Eventually, I wrote asking simply if there was interest at her end too.

I heard back after a while and we met and talked. I'm just trying to understand what she said and believe it as genuine. I'm having a hard time with that. She essentially said that she felt strong emotions and was afraid of them and didn't feel like she could handle them. The surprising part was hearing that she didn't want to, out of fear. She said she needed to pause and understand what she was doing. So we're not seeing each other anymore.

I don't know if there's hope for us in the future (the hopeless romantic in me hopes there is because it felt so good when we spent time together, even our last conversation which was essentially for closure). I am just having a hard time understanding how someone can feel strong emotions and not want to explore them. Could this be genuine? Is this an ENTP trait or is it really a sign of greater emotional unavailability? Just trying to understand what happened. When I like someone, I just can't resist being with them. I assume most people feel the same way even though the desired pace might be different. This withdrawing altogether is strange and I can't decide if the connection was real or imagined and just at my end.

Any light shed on this would be helpful especially by the NTs in the group. I'm really glad I found this forum and it's been a learning experience reading through previous posts.

Thanks.

 

[Synarch]

I don't know if there's hope for us in the future (the hopeless romantic in me hopes there is because it felt so good when we spent time together, even our last conversation which was essentially for closure). I am just having a hard time understanding how someone can feel strong emotions and not want to explore them. Could this be genuine? Is this an ENTP trait or is it really a sign of greater emotional unavailability? Just trying to understand what happened. When I like someone, I just can't resist being with them. I assume most people feel the same way even though the desired pace might be different. This withdrawing altogether is strange and I can't decide if the connection was real or imagined and just at my end.

In my experience, ENTPs are very concerned with control. Maybe because they are so secretly fragile and sensitive or maybe because they are truly mavericks or maybe because they do not trust easy or maybe because they are afraid to be vulnerable. But, whatever the reason, they seem to be concerned with control and fearing the lack of it. Emotions are powerful and dangerous, and love, being the strongest emotion, is even more powerful still. So, we do not enter into this bondage easily lest the prison door lock behind us.

My recommendation. If you love her, give her space. Tell her you care for her and enjoy her and whenever SHE feels like she might want something more that you would be happy to spend more time together. And, that you can take things slow and that you have no expectations of her other than to enjoy her while you can. Space is very important. Let her feel as if she is safe and in control. Do not chase, do not push, do not force.

 

[Ardea]

Love... true love... really hurts.

I don't blame her.

 

[Synarch]

I met an ENTP woman recently and had a few whirlwind dates and felt completely swept off my feet. I felt really strong chemistry - physical and intellectual and it seemed like it was mutual. She was very attentive and listened carefully and hours would go by without either of us noticing. I'm an ENXP - probably lean more towards F on most days so of course, I'm really excited about the prospects of what might be at this point.

Oh, yea, that's the intensity when we choose to focus only on you. Reality distortion field.

Ironically, I don't like it myself when people try to use it on me.

 

[Synarch]

Love... true love... really hurts.

I don't blame her.

You have to feel hurt to feel anything else.

On a related note (feeling very associative today), Waylon recited this quotation on an episode of The Wire:

"You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid." - Franz Kafka

 

[ergophobe]

Thanks Synarch. Your advice is very insightful and helpful.

Oh, yea, that's the intensity when we choose to focus only on you. Reality distortion field.

You're absolutely right. I was a little suspicious of the extreme charm and attention because I do that myself (ENXP) and am good at it too. It was strange to meet someone who was as good or even better at the charming. That's partly why it felt like such a good match.

 

[ergophobe]

Originally Posted by FemmeUrbane View Post
Love... true love... really hurts.

I don't blame her.
You have to feel hurt to feel anything else.

I like the Kafka quote - very apropos.

Isn't love or deep emotion the greatest thrill of all? As a thrill-seeker myself, I was surprised that she would shy away from what I see is the greatest ride of all.

 

[Synarch]

Isn't love or deep emotion the greatest thrill of all? As a thrill-seeker myself, I was surprised that she would shy away from what I see is the greatest ride of all.

Maybe she doesn't want to be on your ride? Or be your ride?

 

[Ardea]

You have to feel hurt to feel anything else.

On a related note (feeling very associative today), Waylon recited this quotation on an episode of The Wire:

"You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid." - Franz Kafka

Ooo! I like what you're saying!!!

I see love a bit differently. I see falling in love as something that... should be a bit more... holy. Set apart. From normal emotions.

I allow myself to feel horror, disdain, disgust, sadness, joy... everything. It connects me to humanity (it is usually in response to mankind as a whole - treatment, interaction, etc).

But love... we shouldn't go willy-nilly, allowing ourselves to grow connected to people we could not possibly love. The difference between love and infatuation. Love is way too multifaceted. We should connect with care, and purposefully. Deliberately. Not on a whim. It is a heavily weighed choice. Your life happiness depends on it.

Broken hearts heal in days, months. A broken life may never be whole again. ((I'm thinking long term here - a so-so relationship --> a bad marriage --> a nasty divorce --> POSSIBLE broken life))

I really don't blame her...

 

[ergophobe]

Maybe she doesn't want to be on your ride? Or be your ride?

Fair enough -- that's exactly what I'm afraid of. This actually made the slight ENTP in me laugh out loud a little. Thanks for the perspective. I needed that!

If that's what would have been stated clearly, I think I would have been able to move on more easily. It's the 'I do feel something but am afraid to act on it' that's confusing.

 

[Ardea]

Maybe she doesn't want to be on your ride? Or be your ride?

Sometimes, a temporary thrill isn't worth it at all!

Sometimes, there is too much to lose.

 

[Synarch]

Sometimes, a temporary thrill isn't worth it at all!

Sometimes, there is too much to lose.

Oh, I wasn't talking about a temporary ride. Just the idea of adventure.

 

[Ardea]

Oh, I wasn't talking about a temporary ride. Just the idea of adventure.

Adventure with the heart?

No thank you!

 

[ergophobe]

I allow myself to feel horror, disdain, disgust, sadness, joy... everything. It connects me to humanity (it is usually in response to mankind as a whole - treatment, interaction, etc).

But love... we shouldn't go willy-nilly, allowing ourselves to grow connected to people we could not possibly love. The difference between love and infatuation. Love is way too multifaceted. We should connect with care, and purposefully. Deliberately. Not on a whim. It is a heavily weighed choice. Your life happiness depends on it.

Broken hearts heal in days, months. A broken life may never be whole again. ((I'm thinking long term here - a so-so relationship --> a bad marriage --> a nasty divorce --> POSSIBLE broken life))

I really don't blame her...

That was quite enlightening. It's such a different perspective. It's not that I would take the adventure lightly, not at all. There's a reason I'm suffering a little now - I take all my adventures seriously. But you are right, in matters of the heart, once convinced of the potential (it's rare that happens), I will jump in and take the risk. In that sense, I am far less deliberate once the initial screening is done. The ENFP in me says "it feels so good, how could this go wrong?". Clearly, the logical consequences could be considered more fully. I appreciate the NT input in that regard.