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[MBTI General] How to deal with thinkers emotional blocked-ness?

JuneBugGemini

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
My bf is an INTP and very emotionally blocked. It was fine with me for a quick minute, but now it's starting to strain the relationship a bit. :doh::BangHead:
Should I just ask him to try to open up a bit more, or wait it out a little more? (we've been together for about 3 months)
 

A Schnitzel

WTF is this dude saying?
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
1,155
MBTI Type
INTP
Could you give more specifics? What's the actual problem you are dealing with?
 

Cool

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
50
MBTI Type
ENTP
Noooo. I'm not in the position to give you advice but I'm surrounded with emotional people. Ts relate to people by reason and thinking. Stir up a conversation about global pollution, the freaking goverment, or space colinization. Something that would make his brain think; NT love those stuff.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
With INTPs, you access the feeling/emotional level at a very late stage since it's their weak point. The best way to engage them is with cerebral brainstorming/truth (Logical truth) finding ventures that crank up their Ti. Since they enjoy those types of conversations/debates, they'll grow more fond of you for that, slowly they might open up more.

It's all about having a lot of patience.

Noooo. I'm not in the position to give you advice but I'm surrounded with emotional people. Ts relate to people by reason and thinking. Stir up a conversation about global pollution, the freaking goverment, or space colinization. Something that would make his brain think; NT love those stuff.

More topics:
3 Words: Dungeons and Dragons

2 Words: Diablo 1/2/3

Anything that can be power gamed, he will powergame it until it cannot be powergamed.
 

JuneBugGemini

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
Could you give more specifics? What's the actual problem you are dealing with?

Well, see the thing is, he can tell me what he's feeling, but it's just so strange in the way he does it...like he's not really feeling it at all.
And just the fact that he doesn't show emotion in general, just not even a lil'. I mean, I'm not gonna force him or anything (and prolly won't be able to, him being a typical stubborn INTP >.>) it's just really frustrating, trying to get close to him on an emotional level. :sadbanana:
 

JuneBugGemini

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
With INTPs, you access the feeling/emotional level at a very late stage since it's their weak point. The best way to engage them is with cerebral brainstorming/truth (Logical truth) finding ventures that crank up their Ti. Since they enjoy those types of conversations/debates, they'll grow more fond of you for that, slowly they might open up more.

It's all about having a lot of patience.

QUOTE]

I figured as much. Oh, the impatience I have as an ENFP...:BangHead:
thanks, anyway, tho.
:3
 

professor goodstain

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
1,785
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7~7
I thought it was because they experience emotion/feeling at an early age and deem it irrelavent. Games however, are things that (others) find intriguing. Once intp notices that, they further investigate these games (already deemed trivial). Then get lost in the moment. A moment that could very well last a lifetime. If you know what i mean.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
damn we are impatient lil twits aren't we...i imagine that is something really important to work on when with an intp.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
damn we are impatient lil twits aren't we...i imagine that is something really important to work on when with an intp.

Impatient you ENFPs may be, but it's fun to watch you folks prance about :D


Patience is basically the key in most relationships, anyways.
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Well, see the thing is, he can tell me what he's feeling, but it's just so strange in the way he does it...like he's not really feeling it at all.
And just the fact that he doesn't show emotion in general, just not even a lil'. I mean, I'm not gonna force him or anything (and prolly won't be able to, him being a typical stubborn INTP >.>) it's just really frustrating, trying to get close to him on an emotional level. :sadbanana:

Well first, realize that a lot of times, we really aren't feeling much of anything. Second, we don't connect with people on an emotional level. As pointed out above, we do it on an intellectual level. A lot of the times, emotions don't even cross our minds. Experiencing emotion is not our natural state, so if you ask us what we're feeling, our honest answer would be something like "not much". When we do experience emotion, it takes some private analysis to figure it out, and furthermore, we don't particularly enjoy expressing our emotions. We like to keep them to ourselves. They're a very private thing for us, and it simply doesn't cross our minds to show em to others, and when we do, it feels unnatural. We're basically exploring uncharted territory whenever we do it.

However, this doesn't mean at all that we don't like you. I suggest learning to recognize how he shows his appreciation, which is basically just by spending time with you, interacting with you, and letting you in on our interests.

But clearly, you have your emotional needs. It wont come naturally, but we can learn to recognize and reciprocate emotions. It'll be a slow process, and likely feel very unnatural and uncomfortable for him. You could help by being open with your wants. Don't try and be subtle, it's quite possible he will miss it entirely. Just spell it out what you want, and (assuming its a reasonable request) he'll probably be glad to oblige, and relieved because the uncertainty is gone. Eventually, and very (very) slowly, he'll feel comfortable with sharing his emotions with you openly, but even then, remember that we don't experience them as often.

imo
 

professor goodstain

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
1,785
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7~7
damn we are impatient lil twits aren't we...i imagine that is something really important to work on when with an intp.

Thus the animated/generated games. If you know what i mean. Emotionless instant gratification. Do i feel more for grany who was ran over by a car thief in Grand Theft Auto, or a sophomore in high schools intp boyfriend?

Upon further thought/feeling, i feel/think more for Tacos right about now.
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
I'm not an INTP, but close enough to be able to relate, in that our feeling is our weakest preference.

It takes a lot of time and patience to develop.

I'm in my 20s now, and it's only just becoming clear to me how good it feels to connect with people through Fe.

I've always felt alive, as in connected with my reality which is things, but I largely avoided connecting with people because I didn't know how. Thus, my reality was incredibly empty and lonely.

Once you discover the usefulness of Fe, and the beauty of connecting to humanity, you'll never go back.
 

Tiny Army

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
EN?P
Enneagram
7
I have a live-in INTP boyfriend and, yes he does that as well. Thing is, he just doesn't feel the same way I do. It takes a lot for an INTP to trust you enough to even tell you their feelings. The way they express them is completely different. It can feel strange and ingenuine a lot of times but I've learned to take his word for it when he tells me how he feels.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
you really think he can't feel it like you tiny? or he just can't express it?
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Well first, realize that a lot of times, we really aren't feeling much of anything. Second, we don't connect with people on an emotional level. As pointed out above, we do it on an intellectual level. A lot of the times, emotions don't even cross our minds. Experiencing emotion is not our natural state, so if you ask us what we're feeling, our honest answer would be something like "not much". When we do experience emotion, it takes some private analysis to figure it out, and furthermore, we don't particularly enjoy expressing our emotions. We like to keep them to ourselves. They're a very private thing for us, and it simply doesn't cross our minds to show em to others, and when we do, it feels unnatural. We're basically exploring uncharted territory whenever we do it.

However, this doesn't mean at all that we don't like you. I suggest learning to recognize how he shows his appreciation, which is basically just by spending time with you, interacting with you, and letting you in on our interests.

But clearly, you have your emotional needs. It wont come naturally, but we can learn to recognize and reciprocate emotions. It'll be a slow process, and likely feel very unnatural and uncomfortable for him. You could help by being open with your wants. Don't try and be subtle, it's quite possible he will miss it entirely. Just spell it out what you want, and (assuming its a reasonable request) he'll probably be glad to oblige, and relieved because the uncertainty is gone. Eventually, and very (very) slowly, he'll feel comfortable with sharing his emotions with you openly, but even then, remember that we don't experience them as often.

imo

Bubbles finds this quite helpful, and quite accurate with regards to INTP friends of hers. NFs and NTs can find a wonderful middle ground if you try. They're good give-and-take relationships, and good for growth of both parties. It's just important to see how each side sees differently.
 
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