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  1. #51
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    WTF INTPs?! LOL!! I guess I just want to know then - how can you tell if an INTP likes you when they don't like to talk about feelings??! Does this person truly care for me, or is it just lust and mental stimulation?! I cannot tell...
    She likes you. This is evident by how she spends time with you, and especially if she's said it outright. We don't say things like that lightly.

    But extraverting, especially of an emotional nature, drain us. So we need time to recharge. A long time, as you've seen. She isn't trying to hurt you, but we need plenty of time to ourselves.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
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  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I am an ENFP and share this same struggle with an INTP. (And btw I am only a slight F and have well developed T - so I can only imagine how this must impact someone who scores even higher on F)!

    We have AMAZING and PALPABLE chemistry intellectually and sexually (clearly apparent to even outsiders who say they can see and feel our smoldering intensity good God) - we can engage in witty banter and talk with one another for literally hours upon end. And yes, the physical/sexual chemistry is out of this world. We both agree on this.

    The problem? After these wonderfully intense rendezvous, the INTP WITHDRAWS. Usually for a couple of days at a time, during which I have NO idea what she is thinking or feeling. I initially thought she was playing games with me or something, blowing so hot and cold. After a looonnggg time, she has finally admitted she has feelings, but her own feelings scare her, and although she craves them (and me) - she also has to withdraw because of the intensity.

    WTF INTPs?! LOL!! I guess I just want to know then - how can you tell if an INTP likes you when they don't like to talk about feelings??! Does this person truly care for me, or is it just lust and mental stimulation?! I cannot tell...
    She probably really cares for you a lot. you just can't fake that sort of chemistry and I'm certain she feels it just intensly. But you mention rendevous and I saw your posting on a different thread about this too. If you told her from the start you weren't able to go there towards a relationship, she's not going to cross that line. if you addressed her in a way that makes it non threatening, and just lead with how you feel, you will probably get good results. She's probably just doing everything she can to protect her inner domain, though it's already been crossed into with her interaction with you.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    INTPs do a lot of shit to show you they care. ENFPs are really good at making people feel incredibly cherished and cared for but it just plain unfair to expect this kind of emotional attentiveness from NTs.

    There is actually an example of this in one of the Kiersey books (I'll get the book from my roomate when he gets home and post the reference) where an INTP wife calls every night while away on a business trip. She asks her ENFP husband how everything is; how the kids are, did he pay the bills because they were due yesterday, how the situation is with that coworker he doesn't get along with and he eventually asks "Well, aren't you going to tell us you love us?".

    As far as the INTP was concerned, she WAS telling them she loved them. She was trying to ascertain logically what their needs were and ensuring that those needs were met. If your INTP is showing what seems to be a genuine interest in you when you are together, chances are they probably like you. So keep up whatever it is you're doing and don't stress out about what she is feeling. Plus, you can always just ask her but if you do remember to give her a couple of days to come up with the answer. INTPs need time alone to asses their feelings about anything and additional pressure will just set them back.

  4. #54
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Thank you, everybody. =)

    It can be tough for my ENFP "powers" to decipher! My (N)Intuition is extremely well developed - and tells me she likes me. But, my (F)Feelings tell me she doesn't - because my feelings say something like "if she truly liked me, she would want to spend more time with me - she wouldn't be able to help herself!" Turns out, she CAN help herself!! LOL! And, fittingly, she is EXTREMELY protective of her personal time!

    And yes, the times she has scratched the surface of her emotions, PANIC ensued... As if she felt an overwhelming sense of vulnerability... That she needed to flee.

    She says she wants freedom to date others... but doesn't. The ONE time she did it never went anywhere and she came back to me. She said it was "boring." Would an INTP take up with another type where the emotional intensity wasn't so high, just to get relief?? I'm trying to understand the mixed messages. It's almost like she is afraid I will take away her autonomy if she says she wants to date just me.

    I guess she has a funny way of showing she likes me.

    My assumptions are/were:

    1) IF she liked me, THEN she wouldn't say she wants to date others and wants me to feel free to also.

    2) IF she liked me, THEN she would not withdraw after encounters of strong connection.

  5. #55
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Ruffled - I see your point. We both told each other we weren't ready for anything serious. But did we really mean it?! I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe we both just need to lay it on the line. We are both in self protection mode. She always says things to me like "I can't believe you like me, you are out of my league, are you just using me, you are going to leave me for someone more attractive etc." She won't believe I like her!

  6. #56
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    My assumptions are/were:

    1) IF she liked me, THEN she wouldn't say she wants to date others and wants me to feel free to also.
    Not sure on this one. We are big on autonomy. It could be that she isn't sure of her feelings yet. However, the fact that she even seriously considers you means she likes you. But she is probably confused as to how much she does, and what she wants to do with her life, and all that stuff. I think the only solution to this is to just give her time.

    2) IF she liked me, THEN she would not withdraw after encounters of strong connection.
    That's a horribly bad assumption.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  7. #57
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Aw man, labels ain't even important. You get to spend time with her (albeit not as much time as you would like but lets face it, we extroverts need pretty much constant attention and stimulation) and it seems you two really enjoy talking to one another. You seem to be doing fine! Just keep it up until she's more comfortable and then bring it up.

    Welcome to the ENFPs dating INTPs club. It is time to sack up and find something to do to pass the time while your INTP is in her Ti cave (I joined this forum for pretty much this exact reason).

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Ruffled - I see your point. We both told each other we weren't ready for anything serious. But did we really mean it?! I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe we both just need to lay it on the line. We are both in self protection mode. She always says things to me like "I can't believe you like me, you are out of my league, are you just using me, you are going to leave me for someone more attractive etc." She won't believe I like her!
    You can always tell her "Hey, I want to talk about my feelings for you". Give her forwarning so she is prepared for the conversation. She is as intuitive as you but she will go with what you have said outright. You might as well just say outright what you really feel. If you are still present i her world, she wants you there.

  9. #59
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    You guys are all making me giggle because you sooooo "get it." =)

    Very true on if she didnt want me in her world, I would not be there. She is extremely selective about who she will spend time with, much less return phone calls. When she does do her withdrawal thing - she won't even respond to texts - there is like a 24 - 48 hr lag time if she even bothers to respond...
    All of my other friends always respond right away so it's a different experience for me - I have had to learn not to take it personally.

    And yes, we E's have to learn what to do with ourselves when the I's in our lives need their hermit cave time! Thank you for all the support. I'm just going to continue letting her set the pace and not read too much into what I perceive as her lack of "pursuit" of me. She does not keep many people in her personal orbit so I recognize I am lucky to even be there - much less be told that she DOES have feelings for me - intense feelings that scare her.

  10. #60
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Ruffled - excellent point on both of us having high intuition (we both intuit the other likes us), yet also both stating something outright (we don't want anything serious) that confuses the situation! INTPs will definitely go by whatever has been said OUTRIGHT as far as I can tell - even despite all other signs pointing to how big of a crush we have on each other.

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