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  1. #41
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Don't try to force him into admitting vulnerability. Most INTx guys I know are particularly afraid of external shows of emotion, and especially of open shows of emotional vulnerability. If you try to force it, they just retreat further and further into super-logic mode.

    This isn't terribly uncommon for ENTs either, but I tend to think they grow out of it a little bit quicker because they need interpersonal connection more than INTs do.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  2. #42
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuneBugGemini View Post
    My bf is an INTP and very emotionally blocked. It was fine with me for a quick minute, but now it's starting to strain the relationship a bit.
    Should I just ask him to try to open up a bit more, or wait it out a little more? (we've been together for about 3 months)
    ...
    Well, see the thing is, he can tell me what he's feeling, but it's just so strange in the way he does it...like he's not really feeling it at all.
    You're very judgmental. Three months in and you're banging your head because he isn't writing you nightly sonnets? Doesn't bode well.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #43
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I have a very hard time expressing emotions or admiting personal things in front of people. I can only do it if I've built a sense of intimacy with someone. Intimacy requires trust, and which takes a long time.

    I should also say that if someone presses me to open up, I tighten up more (in the short term and the long term). If you press for the response when I'm not ready, I just get annoyed, and even suspicious. Trust will actually reduce at that point, and you'd be further away from your goal.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  4. #44
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    I have a very hard time expressing emotions or admiting personal things in front of people. I can only do it if I've built a sense of intimacy with someone. Intimacy requires trust, and which takes a long time.

    I should also say that if someone presses me to open up, I tighten up more (in the short term and the long term). If you press for the response when I'm not ready, I just get annoyed, and even suspicious. Trust will actually reduce at that point, and you'd be further away from your goal.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Azseroffs's Avatar
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    I remember my first girlfriend in HS..

    She just kept pushing me to express myself to her. It wasn't enough that I showed her I cared, she somehow felt like I didn't because I never expressed it. When she asked me to express myself to her, I couldn't because I honesty didn't have a lot to express. She started being a bitch on purpose to test me(I didn't know at the time) until I just exploded. She came out and told me that all she wanted was an emotional reaction and was happy that I got so pissed. Needless to say, I thought she was crazy, and our relationship declined afterward, but I have been more in touch with myself ever since that relationship so it wasn't all bad.

    moral: Don't keep pushing him to open up emotionally.

    If you want him to warm up to you, you have to connect with him on an intellectual level. I've heard it put that love starts with the head and moves to the heart for us. I think it's very true.
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  6. #46
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azseroffs View Post
    I remember my first girlfriend in HS..

    She just kept pushing me to express myself to her. It wasn't enough that I showed her I cared, she somehow felt like I didn't because I never expressed it. When she asked me to express myself to her, I couldn't because I honesty didn't have a lot to express. She started being a bitch on purpose to test me(I didn't know at the time) until I just exploded. She came out and told me that all she wanted was an emotional reaction and was happy that I got so pissed. Needless to say, I thought she was crazy, and our relationship declined afterward, but I have been more in touch with myself ever since that relationship so it wasn't all bad.

    moral: Don't keep pushing him to open up emotionally.

    If you want him to warm up to you, you have to connect with him on an intellectual level. I've heard it put that love starts with the head and moves to the heart for us. I think it's very true.
    Oh, how you are singing sweetly to the choir!

    It is so hard being a female NT, and being expected to want all those things. And how hard it is to be looked at with such condescension and apprehension when I couldn't be "that" girl. All the things I do to show my love mean nothing unless I can say the words. I punished myself for so long because I really thought I was incapable of emotional expression, but now I realize that emotional expression is just one of the many ways in which we deal with life. I can't even tell you how many times I faked the funk upon receiving flowers, sonnets and all that other bullshit - when all I really wanted was someone to challenge and inspire me. Still waiting...

  7. #47
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Add some LSD and convince them that humanity isn't made up by robots.
    Then you might actually see some tears.

    Nowadays, I'm fucking paranoid about robots. -.-'''


    EDIT: Is this just slightly out of topic or not? Feel free to flame written lines.
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  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    could u please stop describing not being an emo as some sort of terrible flaw?

    please?
    I think you're actually right, to a certain extent.

    The fact of the matter is that NT's function differently. They're not going to show the strong emotions that an NF might be used to dealing with, and we can't exactly treat that as a flaw.


    Think about what you can do differently. Perhaps analyze his actions and words, and interpret his emotions from those rather than looking for an intense outward display.

    As somewhat of a subdued F (I guess), I sometimes drive other feelers crazy because I don't have the same outward emotional intensity that they do. And as an F at all, I sometimes get really, really impatient when I can't figure out how someone else is feeling

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    You're very judgmental. Three months in and you're banging your head because he isn't writing you nightly sonnets? Doesn't bode well.....
    ....

    hmm....guess you're right.

  10. #50
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    I am an ENFP and share this same struggle with an INTP. (And btw I am only a slight F and have well developed T - so I can only imagine how this must impact someone who scores even higher on F)!

    We have AMAZING and PALPABLE chemistry intellectually and sexually (clearly apparent to even outsiders who say they can see and feel our smoldering intensity good God) - we can engage in witty banter and talk with one another for literally hours upon end. And yes, the physical/sexual chemistry is out of this world. We both agree on this.

    The problem? After these wonderfully intense rendezvous, the INTP WITHDRAWS. Usually for a couple of days at a time, during which I have NO idea what she is thinking or feeling. I initially thought she was playing games with me or something, blowing so hot and cold. After a looonnggg time, she has finally admitted she has feelings, but her own feelings scare her, and although she craves them (and me) - she also has to withdraw because of the intensity.

    WTF INTPs?! LOL!! I guess I just want to know then - how can you tell if an INTP likes you when they don't like to talk about feelings??! Does this person truly care for me, or is it just lust and mental stimulation?! I cannot tell...

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