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  1. #111
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Thanks, Sanveane
    That's exactly correct. My point wasn't to justify the actions, just to help her understand the potential reasoning because she said that it wasn't logical and didn't make sense. For matters of the heart, logic is always in the eye of the beholder. And this is what I see with my eye. Life is a balance of feeling emotions and then rationalizing them.

    Also, lately people have been up in arms about type generalizations... I spoke about the people that I know personally but I'm aware that there are different types of people, and I should have made that more clear. Sorry if I offended.

  2. #112
    violaine
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    Nah, not offended. Just being particular for posterity.

  3. #113
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    I am zeroing in on a point. I think taking relationships seriously has everything to do with personal values and very little to do with being an 'F type' or not. The way you've described how/why you break up ultimately doesn't sound all that different in the end to what you take issue with with 'F types' if it's done regularly. Take for example those people who are addicted to personal freedom in place of the rush of love/infatuation... the behavior will look quite similar in the end. Commitment and taking things seriously is definitely more about personal values than being T or F.
    Really well said. Thank you. You articulated what I had mulling in my head today. Being an intellectual or emotional dilettante is certainly more about personal values than a T or F type. Jenocyde, your view was interesting to read as I had never considered how being able to take risks and allowing myself to feel passion could be perceived as understanding the whole interaction as less serious. Something the ENTP said when we had our last conversation really stuck in my head and I was a little offended. She said, in response to my 'why would you not want to experience this, the greatest of adventures' spiel which now in retrospect sounds corny even to me, "it depends on how much you care about the consequences". That kind of attacked a core value on one hand, that of caring about people and my interactions with them. On the other hand, maybe she was highlighting what Jenocyde said earlier about perceiving this emotional rollercoaster as short-lived and not sustainable and reflecting (in her view) less investment, strangely enough.

    As an aside, not directed at you and just because it's been on my mind lately, 'F type' is kind of a misnomer too. As is 'T type'. There are dominant Feelers and then those for whom the Feeling preference is a secondary function. I think that brings a very different flavor to things.
    I agree.

  4. #114
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    On the other hand, maybe she was highlighting what Jenocyde said earlier about perceiving this emotional rollercoaster as short-lived and not sustainable and reflecting (in her view) less investment, strangely enough.
    We definitely take risks and feel passion, too. Multitudes, 10 times over. But when you are talking about real love, things become a bit more serious. And commitments should be taken seriously, imo. We all have our stereotypes (I mean, c'mon, read the thread's title, for crying out loud!!) but hopefully you can show her that you are not only fun, but also secure.

  5. #115
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    We definitely take risks and feel passion, too. Multitudes, 10 times over. But when you are talking about real love, things become a bit more serious. And commitments should be taken seriously, imo. We all have our stereotypes (I mean, c'mon, read the thread's title, for crying out loud!!) but hopefully you can show her that you are not only fun, but also secure.
    +1 , but remember the penguins:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI6DJ0VkBMQ"][/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #116
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    We all have our stereotypes (I mean, c'mon, read the thread's title, for crying out loud!!) but hopefully you can show her that you are not only fun, but also secure.
    I've been thinking about this since yesterday. I respect the ENTP fears and can understand them. However, having to convince someone that I am worth their time and effort seems a little loathsome. I'm feeling resistant to that.

    Bottomline: I really like this ENTP and the great chemistry and connection we share. Part of me wants to call or write and say, "Hey, it's okay. Take your time and call me when you're ready, if you want. I'm here for you which I am, without question. I'm also going to be here and not tire in a few months. You should feel safe around me". On the other hand, I feel like she should know I care. She should be able to trust my sincerity without me having to prove it in this fashion. I should be able to sense all of these things from her as well. As an ENXP, long-term commitment scares me as much as it does her except I crave it more so am more willing to take risks.

  7. #117
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    I think my T portion is rising to the fore, self-preservation first. Matters of the heart seem like too much work and too turbulent. Perhaps best saved for others who have the gumption. Back to intellectual puzzles - so much more reliable as a source of satisfaction.

    The penguins rock. I don't know how to award points but if I did, I would give you a few. Made me laugh and think of Madagascar 2. Those cigar smoking, anti-pinko, union-busting, corporate penguins were just hilarious.

  8. #118
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    I've been thinking about this since yesterday. I respect the ENTP fears and can understand them. However, having to convince someone that I am worth their time and effort seems a little loathsome. I'm feeling resistant to that.
    That seems fair enough. But if this girl is worth it, you'll just have to make an effort. All relationships are work and I'm sure that she'll have to do her part (however loathsome...) to do what makes you feel secure, as well. Not even us ENTPs expect to get it all without giving anything. I just gave you general guidelines and now you have a heads up. She unfortunately probably has no idea what you need, so maybe you should just tell her what it is.

    If you tell her that you're sincerely in it for the long haul but you need to know that she won't just shut you out, then maybe you guys can still find a way... If you give up so quickly, you'll just confirm her fears (if that's what the fear is...) Either way, do what makes you happy. Best of luck!!

  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    I've been thinking about this since yesterday. I respect the ENTP fears and can understand them. However, having to convince someone that I am worth their time and effort seems a little loathsome. I'm feeling resistant to that.

    Bottomline: I really like this ENTP and the great chemistry and connection we share. Part of me wants to call or write and say, "Hey, it's okay. Take your time and call me when you're ready, if you want. I'm here for you which I am, without question. I'm also going to be here and not tire in a few months. You should feel safe around me". On the other hand, I feel like she should know I care. She should be able to trust my sincerity without me having to prove it in this fashion. I should be able to sense all of these things from her as well. As an ENXP, long-term commitment scares me as much as it does her except I crave it more so am more willing to take risks.
    You have absolutely nothing to lose by just putting yourself out there and telling her how you feel. If you tell her, just as you said above, then it at least leaves the option there. If you just say nothing, you will wonder what could have been. Of course, it is very important to be true to yourself. Ultimately, you are just giving her the chance to be with you as much as you are showing your desire to be with her. If she doesn't get there with you in, say, 4 monthes, then move on and just keep on with your life. Sometimes these things turn into the stuff really great love stories are made of. Or they turn into a nice learning experience

  10. #120
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    .
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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