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  1. #1
    Member cheerchick23's Avatar
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    Default ENFP's deep, intense empathy: a gift and a curse?

    Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

    there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......

    when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage

    but back to reality i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

    i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

    does anyone identify with any part of this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....
    There's nothing I'd wish for more

  3. #3
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    paranoid that things are actually going well?

    dude that's a little messed up

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I totally get what you are saying. We like to feel needed, useful and appreciated. Thing is though, there are really always people who need love. You just have to look for them. And, if everyone is really truly happy as you say, you can experience that emotion with them as well and it can be just as fulfilling and probably even more so. Maybe the searching for a connection is healthy, but the desperate desire to be needed is not. I think they are two separate thoughts.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i relate to the first part of wanting to connect and get to know people but not the second part...i love to just live in the moment when life around me is pleasant...i get in some weird zen mode and just soak it all up...i love it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
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    At the very least, feeling useless is about the worst feeling in the world for me.

  7. #7
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    hahahha.... identified completely!!! it was the cause that led to my mental mess right now..... *_*
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  8. #8
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    I COMPLETELY relate to what you said too . . . I recommend a job or career where you work very closely with needy people ie. human services / social work - that helps a lot to quench that "thirst" . . . but not completely . . . & I also relate to IEE623 too . . . because I messed up my life pretty bad as well . . . being drawn to people I can help / sad people / depressed, dark people . . . why do we have to be the sunshine? I'm getting back on track though . . . woo-hoo! Life is beautiful!!!

  9. #9
    Te > Fi > Ni Shaula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
    I think this is common for ENFPs.

    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......
    I lived with an ENFP for a long time and when she couldn't 'connect' with anyone she kept bothering me. She'd frequently ask how I was and I'd tell her that I was fine. It was like she was searching for something to fix and jumped on any opportunity. But I was stubborn and didn't fully accept her advice which annoyed her and caused us to fight a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage
    No offense, but I HATE this about ENFPs. Because in practise I've seen them getting involved with the wrong kind of crowd because they are able to see the good in everyone but then may potentially rationalise the bad aspects of these individuals as acceptable. I have an ENFP friend who believes if you stay long enough with an abusive person they will eventually change even if it takes a lifetime.

    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    but back to reality i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

    i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....
    Cherish these days because it was probably in part due to you helping someone. Maybe you said something that brightened a person's day which started a chain reaction. Healthy environments are good.
    Is not to be held accuntable for peeling errors.

  10. #10
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    i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

    LOL!

    To think it is the INFJ who gets accused of trying to fix the world! You ENFPs are so funny, always wanting some drama...

    Even your whining about feeling useless, boring and awkward sounds sooo schweet in a funny way!

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