[ENFP] ENFP's deep, intense empathy: a gift and a curse?

[Lauren Ashley]

ENFPs have deep, intense empathy?

 

[Amargith]

yup.

 

[Moiety]

ENFPs have deep, intense empathy?

No. That's why we are called "champions" or "advocates".

 

[Emectar]

Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......

when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage

but back to reality i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

does anyone identify with any part of this?

i totally relate, it got to the point that i wondered if i was an infp for how powerful that feeling gets

im glad to know im not alone, it takes some of the pain out of it

 

[You]

Its weird being a guy and having dreams about that special woman. Romance sucks. Grrr...grr...lol

 

[angell_m]

So, you want to fix... me? That is sweet and all. But, personally. Speaking typology; As a rather dark/sad/pathetic INFP; My sadness/darkness fades once I feel loved by that special someone (parental love won't suffice). And I think most of us with dark personalities might share common ground with me on that. So it sounds to me like a lame reason to be attracted to someone, because you are bound to be disappointed once you realize you make them happy.

 

[skylights]

The only thing is, I need to connect to other people and the larger world to be fully activated.

this is exactly how i feel about this issue.

it's about being connected and contributing to the big picture in some way. i feel like life is a give and take, and it's not fair, productive to the world, or beneficial to me to only take. circle of life and all that.

i do feel like one of the gifts of NFPs is to see hope where others see none. sometimes this can be dangerous - as in abusive relationships - but when tempered with a good deal of Te and self-esteem, it can be used in a way that is safe to us. for instance, if my brother (god forbid) ever got addicted to something really harmful, i would make sure his ass got thrown in rehab and i'd support him every step of the way. it's slightly less comforting a thought than "talking it out", but it's way more likely to be effective in the long run.

My post was not designed to be right (or wrong) since it was a provocation.

What I was trying to see is how NFs will react if you attack them directly in so crucial area.

NTs, always a step ahead in intellectual matters. though i think sometimes yall say things like this after-the-fact when you don't want to be wrong.

Basicly this is nothing more then need to be needed. [...]

I think that in many cases you are the ones that really need help/support and you probably know it.

As for gift/curse: I think that is more of a curse.

actually, AO, i think you are spot on in talking about an unhealthy NF. we can get dependent, and it hurts both ourselves and others. we rely completely on someone else to fuel our self-esteem. in that case, it certainly is more of a curse.

but when used in a healthy way, i see it as a gift. (aren't all abilities really both gift and curse?) i can talk to an NFP (and i'm specifying NFP here because i think what i'm about to talk about is very identity-centered, and has a very "Fi" ring to it) about my most ridiculous hopes and dreams and fears, and they still value me as a person. a huge emphasis in counseling is on something called "unconditional positive regard" - acceptance of the other regardless of what they have done, or thought, or felt.

This is an attitude of grace, an attitude that values us even knowing our failings. It is a profound relief to drop our pretenses, confess our worst feelings, and discover that we are still accepted.

it's seeing you at your worst, and still not giving up on you - and that can be profoundly grounding, because the attitude is not "doing harmful things is okay", it's you as a person are okay, whatever you are is fundamentally worthy of love - and i know you have the balls to deal with this, so let's get going. of course it's slightly different in the case of clinical psychiatric cases, but the basic human respect is still there.

i see that as the natural gift of NFPs. regardless of everything, we still love each and every individual.

 

[Vamp]

I have empathy for a lot of situations. I can't stop thinking about the reality of human trafficking. Dark thoughts 24/7.

 

[Nonsensical]

Its weird being a guy and having dreams about that special woman. Romance sucks. Grrr...grr...lol

It happens to me a lot. and it's not even always a specific person. And then you wake up and you have that sick longing feeling deep inside you and you can't describe it.

 

[ameshkin]

Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

we INTJ men can certainly use a woman like you.