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  1. #31
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    I'm an ENFP, and I'm empathically blind. This may be more useful in another thread...

  2. #32
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I identify only with the need to feel useful.

    If people are well, it is all the better for me, and I am genuinely happier when people are happier. When they are not though, I am not upset.. I work with them as best as I can and do what I can to help lift them up, as people help lift me up when I need it.
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  3. #33
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    If people are well, it is all the better for me, and I am genuinely happier when people are happier. When they are not though, I am not upset.. I work with them as best as I can and do what I can to help lift them up, as people help lift me up when I need it.
    in contrast to the op, i've seen this a lot too from very healthy and mature enfps.

    i think there is a very wide range in how romantic (read: gushing, yearning etc) an enfp can be. the nf idealism can be more youthy and lyrical and full of adornment, drama, excitement, etc. or it can be more grounded in practicality, immediate circumstances, and helping initiate solutions in the here and now. maybe it is based on a reliance of tertiary Te vs inferior Si (drippingly sentimental).

    i tend to like both directions. from my perspective enfps maximize their strengths when they are somewhat balanced with introverted and extraverted functions. they kind of check themselves a bit and develop a profound depth of understanding to compliment their maneuverability.

  4. #34
    Junior Member thesilvercord's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I identify only with the need to feel useful.

    If people are well, it is all the better for me, and I am genuinely happier when people are happier. When they are not though, I am not upset.. I work with them as best as I can and do what I can to help lift them up, as people help lift me up when I need it.
    This is so true. The reality, at least to me, is that most people are seemingly unhappy and so it feels like the ENFP's work is never complete.

  5. #35
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?

    there are days when i just feel such a strong and personal yearning to connect. sometimes it's just an overwhelming desire to cheer someone up (writing encouraging letters, calling an old friend), or a desire to engage in an exciting or spiritual or complex conversation with someone..... but sometimes it's that dreamy, almost whimsical, longing to change a life, touch a soul, mend a heart.......

    when you're bored and alone on a late night, some people have dreams of money and fame and power.... this is my dream: to randomly meet someone who is interesting, dynamic, kind, and broken... together we would explore the world, explore the mind, explore the heart, and i would be able to heal, inspire, entertain, and love them.... forever, complete with our own soundtrack and movie montage

    but back to reality i feel like everyday is an opportunity. i love helping people and talking with them in almost any and every way.... but there are those days when everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....

    i hate those days it makes me feel useless, boring, awkward, and restless... almost paranoid sometimes....

    does anyone identify with any part of this?

    No, no, no, no, no.

    I absolutely do not want to meet broken people, I absolutely do not want to fix anyone.

    I want to be complete as me and be happy and whole.

    The only thing is, I need to connect to other people and the larger world to be fully activated. You could blame it purely on extraversion (I'm a pretty strong extravert who spends long moments alone, which basically means I don't sleep well, lol and apparently we're a rare bunch).

    So yes, yes, yes, I do have a strong fundamental desire to connect with people in particular and humanity and the world in general. I don't feel fully alive otherwise. Yes, I do thrive on intimacy and connection.

    That's why I (usually) practice careful discernment and good judgement. I want to connect with people who are able to connect with me in a healthy, ethical way.

    I'm not sure if what you are feeling is pure fantasy, and we all have fantasies that don't rule our everyday lives and we reserve for daydreamy sighs - but I really strongly hope you don't have this romantic desire to 'save people' and partner with a broken soul who needs you. You are leading yourself into highly troubled and messy waters. A full blown dysfunctional relationship that will rule over your life and color every other relationship you have.

    If you want to save someone, channel your energies into larger causes - domestic violence, education children, feeding the hungry, stopping war, saving the environment.

    And learn to value yourself no matter what kind of person you are. Learn to base your own happiness and self-worth on internal guidelines, not on other people needing you or telling you how much you mean to them.

    There is a very fine line between a healthy desire for connection and something deceptive or dysfunctional. I'm sorry I can't put it more eloquently.
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  6. #36
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    Does anyone else experience this sort of intense feeling of wanting to connect with people, wanting to understand them, wanting to help them and love them and change their lives.... and a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
    Ok, I can relate to this. I'm not so much the 'Mother Theresa' type the way it seems like you are but I want to feel needed for sure. Interesting.... I'm really thinking a lot about what you said because my life lately has lacked that quality and I find myself longing for it so much.

  7. #37
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    a sort of restless desperation when nobody needs your help?
    Hmmmmmmmmm... do you think this is ENFP's witchy/6th Fe function coming up to trip them up?

    ENFPs act way more healthy and awesome when they're exercising their Fi rather than dwelling in Fe. You seem to be actively searching for a codependent relationship... that ain't good!

    Listen to CzeCze, kyuuei and LittleLinguist. Connect deeply, but resist the urge to help people to buttress your sense of self-worth. Help them when they need help. Or help them because you're bored and looking for something to do that involves making the world a better place according to your vision (healthy Ne + Fi), rather than because it will fill up some gap in your life. Retain your sincere and warm detachment. That is what is gold about Fi--it's caring but it's not vampiric.

    In short, helping someone because you feel the need to help is ultimately about you, not the other person... and that may not be particularly helpful in the end.

    I really strongly hope you don't have this romantic desire to 'save people' and partner with a broken soul who needs you. You are leading yourself into highly troubled and messy waters. A full blown dysfunctional relationship that will rule over your life and color every other relationship you have.
    I cannot agree more.

    everyone is having fun, everyone is happy and content on their own, there's no drama to mediate, no conflicts to settle, no advice to give, no explanations to provide, no gloomy faces to brighten.....
    This sounds rather nice!

  8. #38
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Wanting to connect with others sure, that is a natural process, yet positive individuals help forge the boundaries with the negative individuals. For trying to save or find people who can't be fixed will drag you to the bottom so easily and then your self worth dies a bit each time you try to spend energy in saving them.

    I have to echo what has been said because I tried teaching my family that their behaviour is incredibly wrong, I became self destructive for not being able to help. I can't imagine I'd have been pleasant to be around four years ago, I absorbed the negative energy and what I thought I could fix ended up affecting my relationships with others. I think to save yourself all kinds of hell and sanity spend time dealing with positive energy that will support your self than get lowered to the level of the person you get in your head you think you can save. But of course isn't ENFP, still an ENFP girl wanted to help me but I was too out of it at the time to notice and distanced myself at the time.

  9. #39
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I'm not sure if what you are feeling is pure fantasy, and we all have fantasies that don't rule our everyday lives and we reserve for daydreamy sighs - but I really strongly hope you don't have this romantic desire to 'save people' and partner with a broken soul who needs you. You are leading yourself into highly troubled and messy waters. A full blown dysfunctional relationship that will rule over your life and color every other relationship you have.

    If you want to save someone, channel your energies into larger causes - domestic violence, education children, feeding the hungry, stopping war, saving the environment.
    Yes, yes and yes! Don't go into romance hoping to 'fix' someone. You will destroy yourself. My ex fiancee desperately needed fixing (Don't know her type but I strongly suspect ISTJ) and when I couldn't I'd get depressed or she'd have a go at me for not minding my own business and get depressed. Not good mojo people.

    I still meet people who I really like then I find something they want to change and end up helping them there, but I don't meet them on the basis that 'ohh you need help, I'll be your friend'. It's really bad to only want to meet broken people.

    Although, because I've gone from I to E in the last few years, via a massive course and self-help and self-training, I tend to show people how to be more E. It's a natural tendency of mine. I have 3 friends who have expressed an open interest in becoming more confident so now they have me training them, teaching them social sciences, teaching them better self-awareness and confidence techniques like better body language and better communication. However at no point do I claim 'I'm so confident, I'm such an expert', I just show them that I've done it, give them examples (like stopping random people on the street to just chat to them) and them encourage them relentlessly to be their best self.

    But these aren't the only relationships I have, these are just ones that help me fulfil my desire to be helpful and useful. i couldn't have a whole circle of people needing my help. Even I don't have the energy to cope with that!!!

    You'll burn out with that approach and feel like a failure to all your friends when you realise you can't save them all.

  10. #40
    Member cheerchick23's Avatar
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    hahaha i totally just read my op.... wow i must have been high or loopy or something that night! idk what i was thinking while writing all that. i think i was like depressed and needy that night and instead of eating my feelings... i typed them :-P wow. anyway.

    sorry folks for such a weird awkward thread.... i was being retarded about all of that. i agree with everyone else's responses. hahaha my bad, people! my bad!

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