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  1. #1
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs - Question of Consolation

    When my sister is really truly horribly upset, I find myself at a loss to comfort her. "It's going to be all right" rings hollow when things have NOT been all right nor is there a guarantee of anything of the sort. It's been a very bad year. Very bad. It's always been difficult to help her get calm when things have gone from really bad to terrible, the "last straw" as it were. There's no quiet place to put her mind at ease, no easy sure method to help. Nothing I try seems to work, at least not enough.

    What can I do? What do you do to help restore balance in the worst of your dark places?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #2
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Let her rant, tell her that she's right, life does suck, but remind her that it usually only sucks for a little bit
    Let her crusade against everything dark and evil and be a sounding board. Then hug her tightly. Press repeat till the ENFP turns into a quiet, sad bunch of cuddles/silent pissed of ENTJ-version (determined to right the wrong). Allow time to heal.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #3
    Senior Member scattershot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Let her rant, tell her that she's right, life does suck, but remind her that it usually only sucks for a little bit
    Let her crusade against everything dark and evil and be a sounding board. Then hug her tightly. Press repeat till the ENFP turns into a quiet, sad bunch of cuddles/silent pissed of ENTJ-version (determined to right the wrong). Allow time to heal.
    Yep, Amargith's got it covered right there. There's not much you can do until the explosion of Fi is over with 'cause we really can't think straight at that moment.
    "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    when i'm upset i either want to be left alone or i want someone to sit with me but not talk or i want someone to make me laugh...there are very few times words of support have actually helped...i tend to feel best when i work through it myself...i don't really know your situation but have a very vague idea and if it's to do with a situation that cannot be changed the best thing imo...for her would be to take a spiritual approach...comforting discussions about that together may help...or just let her know...you're going through it together....and cake...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I tried hugging her for awhile, talking her through the worst, reassuring her that her feelings were okay, that it was okay to be upset. It was just so much upset, the kind I know has to come out, but it's so awful that I tend to internally panic.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #6
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's why i like to be alone.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Don't panic
    We're like an erupting volcano at that point, but don't take whatever it is we say at that moment personal. It's not intended to be personal..its just that our internal filter for putting things correctly has broken down. Trust that the storm will pass once all the emotions that were bottled inside are gone. And don't worry, she won't eat you alive, on the contrary, she'll be glad someone is there to catch her as exhaustion is bound to be the end result. Note: this only works if she fully trusts you, otherwise we tend to lick our wounds in private (though seeing as you are her sister, I don't see that being a problem).
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Me too, Erin. I think I should have left her alone, but she was so upset that I was worried and afraid. She only does this when she's exhausted, so I went into savior mode.

    I tend to internalize what's happening. I felt like I was being squeezed all through it.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #9
    Senior Member scattershot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Don't panic
    We're like an erupting volcano at that point, but don't take whatever it is we say at that moment personal. It's not intended to be personal..its just that our internal filter for putting things correctly has broken down. Trust that the storm will pass once all the emotions that were bottled inside are gone.
    Yeah, I'm sure it's alarming as hell for those watching it, but we're usually much better after all of those emotions have gotten out of us. It's probably even more disturbing because we often won't show that anything is wrong until it gets to that meltdown point.
    "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well...i've been through it...for real... and if it hurts that much honestly i just retreat and doesn't much matter who's there because i'm not...i just look like a vacant shell of a person...i don't really let much of it out...i just think you can ask her if she wants you to stay...but don't feel like you have to do/say anything...especially if she seems beside herself...wait until she's calm and coherent to talk...because she probably won't hear you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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