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  1. #11
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by scattershot View Post
    Yeah, I'm sure it's alarming as hell for those watching it, but we're usually much better after all of those emotions have gotten out of us. It's probably even more disturbing because we often won't show that anything is wrong until it gets to that meltdown point.
    Exactly.

    That's what got me.

    But also, she in particular will send me into panic mode because I know her so well and can't stand to hear her rattling apart. I guess you could say I'm too close to be helpful.

    I called our ENTJ bff for help. I hope she'll call tonight.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    True, Erin. Usually bodylanguage will indicate though if we're looking for support or if we just wanna be alone. If she does wanna be alone, be nearby but like in the next room, to be able to check up on her when needed.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #13
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    you know...she can hear you talking about her.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
    Senior Member scattershot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    But also, she in particular will send me into panic mode because I know her so well and can't stand to hear her rattling apart. I guess you could say I'm too close to be helpful.

    I called our ENTJ bff for help. I hope she'll call tonight.
    Good idea bringing in reinforcements. I'm guessing it's even harder for you to watch, being Fe-primary on top of being so close.
    "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass

  5. #15
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    probably also the reason that your sister doesn't wanna bug you with it till she can't keep it in anymore
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #16
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    She tries to contain herself and tries not to worry us. Of course, I'm so nervously sensitive to her moods, I pick up on it immediately. Twin brain. Even when she goes off alone. ESP if she's alone. She's not a solitary type. It alerts me to trouble.

    Yes, there are those few people in the world I care so much about that watching them descend into a level of distress I can't snatch them out of really frightens me. My Fe feels like a knife is being driven into it over and over.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #17
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Yeah... when things are legitimately bad, it's hard to know what to do. Talking to my mom (ENTP) always helps to calm me down, but it's hard to say why. She doesn't really solve anything. Just knowing that I can vent and she will be calm helps a lot. She never says "it's going to be fine." She just says, "I am so sorry" and I know she is.

    I read something on the INTJ site about overwhelmed ENFPs that said:

    Advice for dealing with your ENFP when they are in this state includes simply understanding that we're feeling our way through rather than reasoning our way through, and that it is not a blow to our understanding but an assault on our entire paradigm. Your natural understanding of how to reconcile a J and P rift can be extremely helpful to us if you reason from a perspective of how we feel about it. One of my INTJs has caught on to this, and now reflexively opens his help with questions like "How does this make you feel?" and "Why do you feel that way?" which helps me focus on my paradigm from a somewhat detached perspective. From there, he can usually help me bridge gaps of logic in my philosophical reasoning, and is especially adept at getting me to understand that what I have perceived may not be so intrinsically tied to the subject I have such strong feelings about. Lastly, he's also very careful to not invalidate any of my feelings or ideals in the process. More than anything, this makes it possible for him to help, even if there is nothing he can do, because this prevents him from making his attempts to help seem antagonistic to me while I am irritated from the foundation of my being. Gentle compassion and patience always disarms an ENFP. If you've ever tried to help an ENFP in this state and got snapped at, it was because you were not gentle enough in trying to adjust our most sensitive area which was already hurting at the time, and caused it to hurt more. Even if we do snap at you, you need to know that we greatly appreciate the help you're trying to offer, even if it really isn't helping. The worst thing you can do is mistake our reactions for anything other than us hurting and escalate the moment into a personal argument. When our paradigm is in jeopardy, the one thing that normally keeps us behaving in a conscientious manner is not available to us, and we will likely 'cut loose' on you without being able to explain what has caused the reaction or why.
    Even though it is relating to INTJs-ENFPs in relationship specifically, I thought this was pretty helpful and accurate in dealing with an upset ENFP in general. We need to know our feelings are valid and that we are loved regardless. I think it is best when whomever I'm talking to is not freaking out, but just listening to me and loving me anyway -- acknowledging that I'm not ALWAYS like this and that it is just one of those really hard times. Although, yeah, there is really nothing that can be done and we just need space until we feel it has gone enough for us to cope around other people.

  8. #18
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    exactly...just being there and understanding without disqualifying or trying to fix it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #19
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I've had to learn to "not fix it". I just listen. But I still go under a great deal of strain wanting to make the bad thing stop so she can be all right again.

    As an NJ, I'm looking for something to blame and destroy for making her unhappy, but when that thing is intangible, my internal justice system goes a little nuts.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #20
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Yup yup. That's how I feel about it too.

    EDIT: Removed the OOT.
    Last edited by Serendipity; 03-26-2009 at 03:03 PM. Reason: It may sound harsh.
    Open for interpretation.
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    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

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