[MBTI General] Which opposite pairings work?

[mwv6r]

Do certain opposite pairings work better than others?


The website LoveType has info about a book that recommends particular Myers-Briggs matches based on marriage satisfaction rates between partners. I was surprised that a couple of the opposite pairings seem to have high success rates but not others.

The opposites that this author's research claims are supposed to mesh well are:

INFJ + ESTP
ENFJ + ISTP


[See LoveTypes INFP Love Tips, LoveTypes ESTP Love Tips, etc. for more info. The website gave some caveats about gender but I won't go into all that here. The website also gives several "top matches" for each Myers-Briggs type.]


I'm an INFJ and my partner is an ESTP, and the opposites attracting thing is definitely true for us. I know a couple other pairings of opposites (female ISFJ + male ENTP, male INFP + female ESTJ). The ISFJ + ENTP pairing doesn't seem ideal, though of course that could just be the personalities involved rather than the Myers-Briggs types -- he cheats on her and just doesn't appreciate her in general (makes me really mad because she's a great girl!). The INFP + ESTJ pairing seems better, although I don't know them well enough to make more than a surface observation.

So I'm curious what you all think -- anyone out there want to share their experiences about dating their opposite? Do you think there's something to the INFJ+ESTP and ENFJ+ISTP pairings in particular, as the website above suggests?

Thanks!

 

[Udog]

INFJ - ESTP and ENTJ -ISTP immediately came to mind. There is something electric about those matchups.

ESFJ - INTP could possibly be the candidate for the worse opposite pairing. I don't know about ENTP - ISFJ, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's not optimal either.

ENFP - ISTJ. I know that they tend to adore each other, but I don't often see the overpowering chemistry as xNFJ - xSTP.

INFP - ESTJ. A good business relationship and frustrating romantic relationship.

No clue on the others.

 

[garbage]

My nextdoor neighbors were EnFP (weak N) and ISTJ, an artist and an accountant, and it seemed to work very, very well for them.

Being a ENFP guy, I don't think I'd get on well with a T in the long term. Something about the odd swapping of gender roles and the need to feel needed and appreciated would likely get in the way. I guess I'd rather be the T in the relationship and this odd website even seems to agree with me

I read somewhere that joint NF couplings report one of the highest satisfaction rates.


But then, using MBTI to find or limit matches might not be the best idea in the world. Speculation is fun, though!

 

[speculative]

Speculation is fun, though!

Why yes, it is.

 

[violaine]

I haven't dated an ESTP. I don't know how true the description of ESTP is as set out in that link:

IF YOU ARE A WHEELER-DEALER:

You are someone who:
*Craves excitement, stimulation, and variety in everything, including relationships.
*Can be an expert seducer.
*Believes in action, not theory.
*Is often a master promoter.
*Can be manipulative if you want to be.

INFJ tips for ESTPs:

*Join them on any of their favorite fun activities: dancing, gambling, diving, jet skiing, and so on.
*Don't be overly possessive: they love to flirt and can't stand anyone who doesn't allow them to be social.
*Put your foot down, however, when they are being too flirtatious; they respect a mate who won't let them get away with excessive
extra-curricular flirting that may lead to an affair.
*Encourage them to do what they do best: entertain you and make you laugh until you cry.

^Confining myself just to that description and those tips... do not want!

I would never feel safe with someone like that. I can't see how those traits seem like they would go well with your garden variety INFJ. i.e. I do not want to be on the lookout for extra-curricular flirting. If someone is relying on me to rein them in, sooner or later they will "hang" themselves, so to speak.

 

[OrangeAppled]

My first introduction to MBTI was through that book, LoveType. My sister had it and I picked it up and read it, and it left a very bad taste in my mouth. I felt that most of the IN descriptions were very, very negative. From that book, I tested as an INTP and I found that description (along with INTJ) to be overwhelmingly negative (and I very much like INTPs & INTJs in person), and I sensed a huge bias towards E & S types. Anyway, I think the person who wrote that book is an ESTJ or something

It took me awhile to give any consideration to Myers-Briggs types after that. I am glad I got past that book and got much better insight into the different types and how it all works.

I think it's fun to speculate too, but I wouldn't use that source to do it...

 

[Azseroffs]

All I know is keep me away from ESFJs

 

[violaine]

I'm an INFJ and my partner is an ESTP, and the opposites attracting thing is definitely true for us. I know a couple other pairings of opposites (female ISFJ + male ENTP, male INFP + female ESTJ).

I'm so curious now, how do things work for you and your partner? I think INFJ + INTP are a good match as the website suggests. I think INFJ + ENTP is a match too, it's odd that it isn't mentioned.

The ISFJ + ENTP pairing doesn't seem ideal, though of course that could just be the personalities involved rather than the Myers-Briggs types -- he cheats on her and just doesn't appreciate her in general (makes me really mad because she's a great girl!).

Aww, ew. ISFJ + ENTP sounds like a difficult pairing to me.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

No ESTPs for me, please.

 

[JocktheMotie]

The best part of that website is this guy:

 

[JocktheMotie]

Wow, this site is hilarious. I love some of the "tips" for INTPs. Apparently my best match is an INFJ "Mystic Writer."

And the ENTP "suggested activities" tips are fantastic.

*Don't try to talk them out of an idea that appears foolish--if you give them enough space, they will likely talk themselves out of it.

*Share in the fun as this risk-loving, spontaneous person takes you on spur-of-the moment gambling trips and other adventures.

LOL! If the book is filled with gems like this I may buy it for entertainment value.

 

[cascadeco]

It's truly going to depend on the individuals themselves and their needs out of the relationship, as to whether it'll be successful in the long run. (Also depends on how self-aware each is when the relationship starts - i.e. maybe neither knows yet what they really do need out of a partner)

I know there's an INFJ on this board (she hasn't posted recently) who's been married to an ESTP for a long time and it's worked well for them. But then I have a close INFJ friend who is going through a divorce with her ESTP, after having been married for about 5 yrs, and the reason was simply vastly different approaches/needs out of life, which became apparent over the years, and inability in the end to effectively communicate with each other. Other things too, but I don't want to get into that here.

Boils down to whether BOTH people are respectful of the others' differences, and whether both want to work for it and maintain it.

 

[Halla74]

No ESTPs for me, please.

Ohhh, how close-minded of you, Lauren! Not all ESTPs (men) are bad guys! We are a handful though...
--------------------------------------
My wifey-poo is INFJ, and I am ESTP. |
--------------------------------------
- This is not a boring relationship.

- At times it is very gratifying, at times very frustrating.

- Bottom line is we truly love each other in many fundamental ways and that makes up for the MBTI differences in the end.

The hardest thing from my perspective is dealing with the NF idealism. ESTPs, me included, are very pragmatic. Get it done now and move on! Ideallism often seems to slow down my problem solving skills/creativity, which is frustrating.

INFJ sensitivity is also hard for an ESTP to deal with.

"E" vs "I" in general can be an issue for this pairing too. As soon as I learned what an introvert was (I am not kidding, this is only about a year ago) and that they need "down time" I started to figure out why I seemed like a terror to her at times.

For her, my sporadic randomness can be a pain in the arse. There are times when I want to sit back and goof off talking about non-sense on the TV or just BS-ing in general, we are a fun loving type you know, and she is "out of energy" or has things to do. So, then I have to find another outlet for my social energy or go the gym and tire myself out and give her some peace and quiet.

Communication in general needs to be constantly monitored, as if not, INFJ will bottle up and then explode, and ESTP will disassociate and be absent.

-------------------
THE GOOD STUFF:|
-------------------
I've always got an audience.
She always has an entertainer to lift up her mood.

She always has a knight in shining armor to tackle real world bothers.
I always have a damsel in distress.

I've always got someone to keep things grounded.
She has someone to keep things fun.

She has an action oriented workhorse to help out around the house/yard/with kids/etc.
I have a gourmet genius in the kitchen.

-----------------
GOOD TO KNOW:|
-----------------
The key to making a realtionship like this work is to KNOW each other's differences and CAPITALIZE on them.

Be patient with other's eccentricities.

When you do step on each other's toes, remember the concept of forgiveness.



P.S. One last little note. I read somewhere on an INFJ profile page that INFJs sometimes take on behaviors of their opposite, ESTP, before settling into their INFJ-ness. This actually somewhat happened with my wife and I as in college, she basically went along with whatever my bizarre schedule was and we ended up hanging out alot and having alot of fun. But as life went on and domestic responsibilities increased her INFJ-ness solidified and then it became apparent that there were real differences between us. Kind of wild!

 

[ColonelGadaafi]

ESFP-INTJ would not work well, not when it comes to indepth relationships.

Other diffrent working pairing:

ESFP-INFP should work well, provided the ESFP is well developed and has a well developed Fi and a common intreset with the INFP. A bonus would be if the ESFP is idea-oriented and divergent.

ESTP-ENTJ should also work well.

ISFP-INFJ

and so on.

Opposite letter codes do not work well, what does work however are nearly diffrent types with one letter or two letters in common(teritary or auxilary functions). Enough to provide certain diffrented perspectives but still have mutual understanding.

 

[Halla74]

It's truly going to depend on the individuals themselves and their needs out of the relationship, as to whether it'll be successful in the long run. (Also depends on how self-aware each is when the relationship starts - i.e. maybe neither knows yet what they really do need out of a partner)

VERY TRUE! I did not know about my type or hers until 15 years after we met. We have benefitted from MBTI. Knowing YOUR needs and YOUR PARTNER'S needs is HUGE in any successful relationship.

...But then I have a close INFJ friend who is going through a divorce with her ESTP, after having been married for about 5 yrs, and the reason was simply vastly different approaches/needs out of life, which became apparent over the years, and inability in the end to effectively communicate with each other.

I can see where this is totally possible if things go awry for too long, and if neither person is willing to make/find a compromise to the issues that are problematic in the relationship. Also, if kids are involved, I think the couple will inevitably try harder to make things work, just my .02. It's alot easier to end a relationship because of a deal breaker, like abuse or infidelity, then it is to end one out of incompatibility.

The bottom line is that if you love someone, you don't want to lose them and figure out what you must do to stay with them, and if it feasible for you. If you don't love someone then free yourself and free them to move on to happier pastures...

 

[cascadeco]

I can see where this is totally possible if things go awry for too long, and if neither person is willing to make/find a compromise to the issues that are problematic in the relationship. Also, if kids are involved, I think the couple will inevitably try harder to make things work, just my .02. It's alot easier to end a relationship because of a deal breaker, like abuse or infidelity, then it is to end one out of incompatibility.

The bottom line is that if you love someone, you don't want to lose them and figure out what you must do to stay with them, and if it feasible for you. If you don't love someone then free yourself and free them to move on to happier pastures...

Yeah...I could write a lot more about it but don't think that's 'right'.

I added this to the end of my post though -- Boils down to whether BOTH people are respectful of the others' differences, and whether both want to work for it and maintain it.

 

[Halla74]

Yeah...I could write a lot more about it but don't think that's 'right'.

When you stated..."but don't think that's 'right'." Do you mean that leaving a relationship due to compatibility issues is not 'right' or something else? Just wondering. If one party of a relationship is miserable for any reason, that is a problem, isn't it? Just curious.

I added this to the end of my post though -- Boils down to whether BOTH people are respectful of the others' differences, and whether both want to work for it and maintain it.

Thou art correct. Well put.

 

[cascadeco]

When you stated..."but don't think that's 'right'." Do you mean that leaving a relationship due to compatibility issues is not 'right' or something else? Just wondering. If one party of a relationship is miserable for any reason, that is a problem, isn't it? Just curious.

Oh, sorry.

It's more I don't think it's 'right' for me to post all of the details of my friends' relationship, even though there are interesting type-related discussions that could come out of it. It seems rather like gossiping; I just don't think it's my place, and it seems kind of...rude/disrespectful...or something, even though she probably would never come across the post.

I think leaving a relationship due to ultimate lack of compatibility is fine..in fact, I would probably do the same myself, because life is awfully short for one or both to be in a rather miserable or resigned state (but only after exhausting other avenues, and really trying various things to try to make it work). But I think it's a hard thing to face as a couple, and it's a lot 'harder' in a sense to end a relationship due to that, even though the love very well may still exist. It's a lot 'easier' to end the relationship due to some very tangible fact - i.e. infidelity, abuse, whatever. And, friends/family/society might accept and understand the latter more readily than the former, as I think it's engrained in many that anything can work if there's love and there's a will on both sides. (and to an extent, I agree! But, when is too much work simply too much? That's sort of rhetorical, but also is something interesting to consider. And the will isn't something you can magically create in yourself - you have to fully believe it and fully want it. And that's where both would need to have it. Have that intense drive/desire to make it succeed and last. And that goes for any relationship, really - type doesn't matter).

 

[BlackCat]

That website is hilarious. The ONLY match for INFP males is the INFJ, who I would rather not pursue romantically personally. Where are the ENTJs and ISTJs? Why aren't they recommended?

None of the INFJ tips are really good... Not at all. The INFJs I know are absolutely NOTHING like what that website says rofl. Also all of what these websites say about INFPs is the same, it's stereotypical and doesn't give you any REAL advice as to how to get along with the person. You can't just throw out advice based on type, you figure out how to treat someone by being around them. The only feasible type advice is very vague usually, but there are some good bits of advice out there that go for everyone of a particular type.

If one thing makes me mad about typology is when they over generalize the types. This is what it says about INFPs- Adjusted for me.

Enjoys the arts, philosophy, and psychology. That isn't ALL I enjoy, the arts aren't really that great anyway.
Needs to have a crusade (or mission) in life. Not in particular, I think everyone of every type has something that they would like to accomplish in life.
Is sensitive. Well yeah, but I'm not overly sensitive. Being overly sensitive isn't a good thing.
Is idealistic. Sure.
Is generally easy-going until your values are violated. I hate how these websites always say "values." I'd say this also includes pet peeves, which are I guess values.
Tends to have high expectations regarding your loved one. No. There are things I want but people are imperfect.

Remember, take everything with a grain of salt. A personality type theory can't explain a person totally, not at all.

 

[Halla74]

Oh, sorry.

It's more I don't think it's 'right' for me to post all of the details of my friends' relationship, even though there are interesting type-related discussions that could come out of it. It seems rather like gossiping; I just don't think it's my place, and it seems kind of...rude/disrespectful...or something, even though she probably would never come across the post.

OK, I interpreted your original remark from a totally different perspective. Gotcha!

I think leaving a relationship due to ultimate lack of compatibility is fine..in fact, I would probably do the same myself, because life is awfully short for one or both to be in a rather miserable or resigned state (but only after exhausting other avenues, and really trying various things to try to make it work).

But I think it's a hard thing to face as a couple, and it's a lot 'harder' in a sense to end a relationship due to that, even though the love very well may still exist.

It's a lot 'easier' to end the relationship due to some very tangible fact - i.e. infidelity, abuse, whatever. And, friends/family/society might accept and understand the latter more readily than the former, as I think it's engrained in many that anything can work if there's love and there's a will on both sides.

(and to an extent, I agree! But, when is too much work simply too much? That's sort of rhetorical, but also is something interesting to consider. And the will isn't something you can magically create in yourself - you have to fully believe it and fully want it. And that's where both would need to have it. Have that intense drive/desire to make it succeed and last. And that goes for any relationship, really - type doesn't matter).

Wow! Very well put, I agree completely. Each block above has a gem in it.