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  1. #11
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    You're putting too much emphasis on type and not enough on the things you share interests with her.

    Why should face to face be any different than on the phone in terms of understanding the other? I think it's just nerves talking.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  2. #12
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    shinzon you describe my experience perfectly.

    i could see it working better for an infj than an enfj. the emotional openness and intensity of esfj warms us up really easily. my attraction to an esfj i know is that she gets into my space, just like glides in really playfully, is really physically affectionate, thaws me out almost immediately. i can be in a pissy mood and she'll just nudge me out of it immediately. bring me back to earth. the physical excitement and energy between us is ALWAYS high.

    i find that infj is really helpful at balancing things for esfj, who is very scattered and diffuse. Ti is their inferior and i'm a guru when it comes to deconstructing ideas people are afraid to tangle with. i can nudge her out of bad thinking as effortlessly as she can nudge me out of bad feeling. not to mention she is excellent at holding down the fort, taking care of practical things, being responsible and reliable, whereas i am decidedly NOT.

    i probably am more concerned with image than her, so it works similarly to how shinzon mentioned but in reverse. i am more focused on self-definition, on adopting cultural expressions that fit my experiences, ideals, beliefs. as such i generally am endorsing aspects of the cultural margins prizing independence, creativity, experimentation. gimme somethin' fresh! she sings beautifully but she doesn't care about what it means only how singing itself makes her feel. this at times annoys me, at other times her example frees me from my hyper-judgmentalism.

    meaning is an abstract area where we do not AT ALL meet in the middle. symbolic understanding is not her forte, and it is where i spend most of my life. i love that she takes me out of that, but it can be frustrating knowing you can't show someone else where you really are on the map.

    for enfj and esfj the crux of the relationship/attraction is that you both share the same dominant and inferior. as such there is a big initial punch to the interaction, you both deeply get how the other works, can communicate very powerfully in your default language (affect! physical gestures! flirtation! etc). but it won't pull you apart and stretch you in new ways, and your Ni playfulness is often more of a novelty depending on her balance of sensing and intuition (in her case aux Si and ter Ne). which can be wildlly different and dependent on individual development, cultural experience, etc.

    in my experience she'll like it (Ni) but it will be like, you'll just be hitting random areas of nonsense and noise that will be fun and amusing and quirky, whereas someone more intuitive would be excited, the connections made and discovered are impregnated with meaning, are like bombs detonating, etc. which is really fun for highly developed intuitives (god how we loooove to talk, write stories, challenge each other, etc). it depends tho, i know isfps who have pretty damn good tertiary Ni and who i feel like we have a weird satellite mental connection when we are together. development, context, experience, and particularity are key.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    You're putting too much emphasis on type and not enough on the things you share interests with her.

    Why should face to face be any different than on the phone in terms of understanding the other? I think it's just nerves talking.
    Why I rationals.

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