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[ENFJ] Ask an ENFJ

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I seem to be pretty dern rare, judging by post titles; feel free to take the opportunity to talk to one of us ENFJ caught in the wild.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
what importance has a coherent worldview to you, and what do you do or avoid to maintain or grow your worldview. do you seek inspiration rather from people and situations (eg humor, satirical observations) or from more concrete sources like the internet, books about psychology, philosophy etc.

why are you so shy or disinterested in exposing your current hold on ideas in a group discussion, unless you finally want to insert an appeal. yeah, you are a feeling type and therefore sensitive about having your position attacked by ignorants, you would not be able to defend your position spontaneously as conflict distracts you from depth of insight and you would have to fight your way out with shallow dialectic/rhetoric. but that is true for introverted feeling types and they cant be stopped by it.

are you anywhere close to sanity? how can one develop an independent personality, when one is living his whole live in the field of remote-perception (how others see you)? how can you ever allow yourself to face and publish negative traits, without glorifying them and demonstratively acting them out, to prove that they are either beyond your influence altogether, or totally in your control - both of which creates the illusion that you are not at fault. how or where can you hide from the accusing and demanding eyes of others, without hiding from yourself?
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
please dont hurt yourself while answering these questions. :)
in fact you don't have to answer them at all.
but these are the "enfj questions" that are generally on my mind, when i think about enfj
i am NiFe by the way, so we are alike in theoretical ways, but the priorities are very mixed up, which usually leads to very different perspectives.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
Fulfilling relationships and passion give my life meaning and I greatly enjoying helping people on a one-to-one level, so I'm going to do Americorps, the domestic version of the American program Peace Corps.

I've read much about nearly everything, I literally wear down library cards--checking out staggering amounts of books, music, and movies--I'm just as likely to read poetry as neuroscience. Lately, I really enjoy non-fiction: essays, autobiographies, biographies; learning about a person or something practical about the world is key.

In High School, I kept track of what I was checking out from the library, here are some of the books, it may be an interesting insight into how ENFJ minds work

http://evan.redraccoondog.com/books

Coherent worldview: probably some sort of manifestation of humanism, insofar as I'm exceedingly kind to everyone I meet! I really identify with existentialism; specifically, this video. YouTube - Existentialism - Waking Life excerpt I also think I'm sort of a pantheistic deist; however, sometimes that seems pretentious to say aloud and I just say freethinker, since its as accurate without having to explain a lot.

Reluctance to volunteer opinion: I think its because I value tact and am a very sensitive person so I try to do what I would want others to do to me. The Sermon on the Mount, Golden Rule, Categorical Imperative.

Seeking Inspiration: definitely people are great to talk about ideas I’ve read in books. For example, I have three books checked out on personality type right now, and eagerly apply it to day-to-day interaction. I feel sort of empty if I’m not around people for long periods.

Sanity: Well, maybe; I do definitely take other's opinions into consideration, but I don't live by them. I'm tactful, but feel a bit empty when I have to hesitate from showing my true, authentic self.

Negative traits: I don't hide from these, I openly ask people for what my negative traits are to try to grow as a person.

"I am wiser than they in this small respect: that I know that I do not know, whereas they think they know something when they really don't." --Socrates

"I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me."
--Waking Life
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I have read in a (non-serious) book that it is speculated that if one was to type a utopian society it would most likely be ENFJ. What are your thoughts on this? If the world was nothing but ENFJs could you as an ENFJ survive in that world happily?

In High School, I kept track of what I was checking out from the library, here are some of the books, it may be an interesting insight into how ENFJ minds work

http://evan.redraccoondog.com/books
You're a little weird, but I like that. Have you thought of using Good Reads? I have an ENFJ friend who uses it.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I have read in a (non-serious) book that it is speculated that if one was to type a utopian society it would most likely be ENFJ. What are your thoughts on this? If the world was nothing but ENFJs could you as an ENFJ survive in that world happily?


You're a little weird, but I like that. Have you thought of using Good Reads? I have an ENFJ friend who uses it.

I'm not sure, since each person plays a part in the world. I'm definitely a intuitive, friendly (NF) person, but I see the benefits of NT rationality, SJ structure and, SP artistic achievement.

Nonetheless, I do get giddy when I meet a fellow idealists since we tend to get along swimmingly.

I would use it, but it seems tedious and clerical to put in all the books I've read.

P.S.Only a little weird? You must not know me ;]
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'm not sure, since each person plays a part in the world. I'm definitely a intuitive, friendly (NF) person, but I see the benefits of NT rationality, SJ structure and, SP artistic achievement.
Yes we NTs are great at playing the role of taking over the world. And it wouldn't be managable without the blind faith of the SJs to assert our oppression, the NFs to spread our idealistic propaganda, and the SPs to make everything asthetically pleasing.

P.S.Only a little weird? You must not know me ;]
And you do not know how wierd I am! :D
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
a reading list of verry impressive volume. i dont know most of the stuff. "Killing yourself to Live" is a theme that strongly resonates with me. my Fe-personality is not friendly or attentive towards my individuality. i dare to expose the weirdest traits in theory, but never in action. there is this overprotective samurai who "protects" a starved child that is locked into a cage.... rather than being an advocat for it's live.

a different thought:

i have been wondering about what kind of violence (external force) could make an extroverted child develop in such a way, that it forms an apparently introverted behavior and self image. no answer could be true for all extroverted types alike.

since enfj-extroversion is based on emotionality and energetic space, i theorized that strong open emotional abuse (through parents) would craze but also sensitize that extroversion, so the child would rather become a rebel than suppressed. an enneagram two who lives in disintegration which is eight, according to theory.

so my next thought is, that suppression of enfj-extroversion might be "achieved" (sorry, if I sound like an INTJ *g*) by total removal of social/empathic response, rather than active emotional abuse. if the parents were perfectionists (eg STJ temperament) who are both emotionally and psychologically "unavailable" (like: non-existant) the enfj child may turn into something, that resembles and isfp. any thoughts?
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yes we NTs are great at playing the role of taking over the world. And it wouldn't be managable without the blind faith of the SJs to assert our oppression, the NFs to spread our idealistic propaganda, and the SPs to make everything asthetically pleasing.


And you do not know how wierd I am! :D


Very well said! I agree. When given the opportunity, NFs use their charm to be put in positions of presige, but need NTs to make sure they aren't making irrational mistakes. The SJs and SPs are more for smoothing out bureaucracy and entertainment.

NT & NF love :hug:
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think I was much more introverted in high school, since I didn't want to offend anyone, coupled with being insecure, not to mention the horror of pimples and undeniable appeal of boobs. I think I'm far more confident, since I'm living on my own and in college where I'm around like-minded people.

I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you're asking; my mom is an ESFJ and my dad is an ENFP, and I had a happy childhood. Nothing traumatic happened. Does that help?
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you're asking

its okay, i did not really expect that you would have any experience about how total deprivation of emotional response would affect an enfj child, since you are obviously not seriously broken.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I could still volunteer my opinion; I simply couldn't get a firm grasp on what your question was asking.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
I could still volunteer my opinion

are you asking for permission? sorry, i am lost with finesse in communication, since english is a foreign language to me. thanks for answering my questions so far, btw :)
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
Sorry, I'll try to communicate with you more simply because of the language barrier.

If you express your question in clear terms I could answer it easier.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
its not a question, just a theory i am playing with.

i assume that you have heard of functions and their abbreviations. Fe is for extroverted feeling, Ni is for introverted intuition. these are our first two functions.

well, my basic understanding is, that an enfj gets somewhat angry, if he has to deal with someone, who ignores the needs that are related to Fe tact. you send signals and your opponent refuses to respond at all or sends signals that turn out to be random and insincere.

but if parents would be without exception completely ignorant about a child's attempt at forming an Fe based bonding, the child would not even know what it's missing and therefore it could not develop a conscious anger about being ignored. a child could not be constantly angry, after all.

without healthy anger (courage), it could never develop the insisting attitude that constitutes pro active Fe-extroversion: that spontaneous insisting on a response from anyone. the child would not even expect a response (or miss it). so it would eventually turn out to be introverted. (shy to the bone)

my mother had this thing: she needed to appear selfless. she would care for me, but ignore any attempt of me, at caring for her. any proactive Fe-behavior got frustrated. so i could never form the expectation, that anyone (else) would appreciate a pro-active Fe-motivated contribution from me. not only did that stop me from contributing anything to anyone (ie children at the kidnergarden). it had the ironic effect of making me cling to such a Fe-style, that would actually lead to a response: my mothers willingness to care for me, created in me a dependence on caring, a practically faked but believed story of endless neediness and dependence, because this earned me a positive response.
when in reality or originally I only depended on any kind of bonding, not only on "care".

so: i have no idea if i was born as NiFe or FeNi person. i just know, that i did not have a chance to develop a pro-active variation of Fe. also i know, that i was angry a lot, as a child. angry about my parents ignorance and inability to see me.

i believe that inborn type will still be engraved authentically in physiognomy and i believe that i am probably not an inborn enfj.

but still, i have empirical interest in finding out about broken insecure enfj.
for gooey random intuitive comparisons. what causes it and how do they deal with it.
 

ColonelGadaafi

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2008
Messages
773
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
Si
Ive never meet an ENFJ in person, however if they anything like there S cousins, i'd gladly skip such an experience.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
its not a question, just a theory i am playing with.

i assume that you have heard of functions and their abbreviations. Fe is for extroverted feeling, Ni is for introverted intuition. these are our first two functions.

well, my basic understanding is, that an enfj gets somewhat angry, if he has to deal with someone, who ignores the needs that are related to Fe tact. you send signals and your opponent refuses to respond at all or sends signals that turn out to be random and insincere.

but if parents would be without exception completely ignorant about a child's attempt at forming an Fe based bonding, the child would not even know what it's missing and therefore it could not develop a conscious anger about being ignored. a child could not be constantly angry, after all.

without healthy anger (courage), it could never develop the insisting attitude that constitutes pro active Fe-extroversion: that spontaneous insisting on a response from anyone. the child would not even expect a response (or miss it). so it would eventually turn out to be introverted. (shy to the bone)

my mother had this thing: she needed to appear selfless. she would care for me, but ignore any attempt of me, at caring for her. any proactive Fe-behavior got frustrated. so i could never form the expectation, that anyone (else) would appreciate a pro-active Fe-motivated contribution from me. not only did that stop me from contributing anything to anyone (ie children at the kidnergarden). it had the ironic effect of making me cling to such a Fe-style, that would actually lead to a response: my mothers willingness to care for me, created in me a dependence on caring, a practically faked but believed story of endless neediness and dependence, because this earned me a positive response.
when in reality or originally I only depended on any kind of bonding, not only on "care".

so: i have no idea if i was born as NiFe or FeNi person. i just know, that i did not have a chance to develop a pro-active variation of Fe. also i know, that i was angry a lot, as a child. angry about my parents ignorance and inability to see me.

i believe that inborn type will still be engraved authentically in physiognomy and i believe that i am probably not an inborn enfj.

but still, i have empirical interest in finding out about broken insecure enfj.
for gooey random intuitive comparisons. what causes it and how do they deal with it.
Totally true, I'll tend to take something against my values very personally.

Yes, unless the child was adequately socialized in some way. Public school maybe? I think the role of schooling on socialization is more important than family, which teaches more values.

I dunno: but this site's test is very accurate, give it a shot
Personality Test and Types (Jungian Psychological Typology)
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
If you were romantically interested in someone a lot more reserved, private and shy, how would you show it?
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
If you were romantically interested in someone a lot more reserved, private and shy, how would you show it?

Personally, I would be very obvious and flirty. I would try to bring them out of their shell and try to get them to talk about things that matter: what they care about, what they like to do, what they are doing with their live, stuff like that. I might get irritated if someone was shy to the extent that they wouldn't share how they feel about anything. Hopefully I would remember that some people are not as immediately comfortable as I am and let the relationship grow over time.
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
Thank you. Will keep that in mind. :)
 
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