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Thread: Ask an ENFJ

  1. #51
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloud View Post
    So your F is more dominant than your J?
    what is your F score on the mbti test?

    I thought you guys are most similar to INFJs and ENFPs, and are kind of a mix between these two.
    Uhm, personally, everything I do is very friendly. But I'm also very directive. I don't know how to answer this.

    I've read I'm most similar to ESFJ, since we both have Extraverted feeling (Fe)

  2. #52
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Alright, question for ENFJs.

    Do you think that one of the problems in identifying ENFJs in the wild is because Fe can focus in so many different directions? I've often thought that Fe is like water and can be flavored with anything. Like a powdered drink mix that is distinctly one taste that everyone can agree it is. This is cherry flavored and this is grape.

    I don't feel like a particularly romantic or lovey dovey type of Fe dominant full of poetry with a sunny face to the world. Nor do feel very motherish or like I need to look after people to make sure they're OK or take care of their feelings that much.

    I feel like my Fe is more politically and socially focused. Not politics in the sense that I'm following governmental politics because honestly I don't know WTF is going on. Or social in that I'm organizing parties for friends to get together. Social in terms of social justice or social movements and political in the sense that I want to understand how we organize ourselves together, what forces are at work, how we decided what is beneficial/pernicious to the Group, and how to navigate through oceans of humanity.

    Maybe part of the problem with finding ENFJs is because people are looking for the benevolent mother/father figure which seems to be the most prominent stereotype of ENFJs (and ESFJs) and miss the other flavors because of this.

    Which flavor of ENFJ do you think you are? Do you identify with the mother/father figure type of ENFJ or something else?


    Yes, I can easily take the form of any stereotype: I know how to dress and act like a generic college student, a jock, nerd, artist, social outcast, etc etc. Don't know about other ENFJs, but I'm constantly analyzing myself and everything I do has already been thought out and planned; essentially, if I want you to think a certain way about me I can do that.

    Me neither, but I can write very passionate love letters when I'm in the mood. However, I do take care of people's feelings.

    I'm not political either, although I did work for Obama's campaign, but I focus more on interpersonal communication. I don't care so much about social justice and so on, but I will be doing Americorps after my degree. I just like helping people out on a 1-on-1 basis.

    What it boils down to is that I'm in control of how I'm perceived; and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I come off how I want. (There's that J)


    I don't know what flavors there are. What do you mean?

  3. #53
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I come off how I want.
    yes, for me being an underachiever is the key to ensure control. it gives me space to hide AND surprise.

  4. #54
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cronkle View Post
    Yes, I can easily take the form of any stereotype: I know how to dress and act like a generic college student, a jock, nerd, artist, social outcast, etc etc. Don't know about other ENFJs, but I'm constantly analyzing myself and everything I do has already been thought out and planned; essentially, if I want you to think a certain way about me I can do that.
    I feel you. Hence proteanmix.

    I don't know what flavors there are. What do you mean?
    I don't know either, that's why I'm asking! There's one other ENFJ at my job and it took me forever to type her, well over a year. The reason why I had difficulty is because she wasn't coming off in the cliched forms of Fe I was using to type FJs, but I was getting this persistent Fe feeling from her. The personality trait that I think describes her best is wry. She's sarcastic but not in a mean way, it's like she spoils her sarcasm with smiling at you or by saying she's just playing. She pulled back enough for me to see that she wanted to make it clear she wasn't trying to be a jerk but that undercurrent was there and a very natural place for her to go.

    Like I thought this was hilarious. We decided to give the receptionist at our job orchids and lilies when she retired. When we were giving her the flowers the other ENFJ said right after the receptionist finished fawning over them. "Yeah, these are such lovely flowers! Too bad they'll be dead in a week!" And then she started laughing and I thought it was funny too so I was laughing. The receptionist was sitting there with the most horrified expression, so we stopped laughing. Basically, when you talk to her she twists up very happy things, laughs, and then goes back to her baseline smiley self.

    So that's an example of what I mean when I say different flavors of Fe. Make sense?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #55
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I feel you. Hence proteanmix.



    I don't know either, that's why I'm asking! There's one other ENFJ at my job and it took me forever to type her, well over a year. The reason why I had difficulty is because she wasn't coming off in the cliched forms of Fe I was using to type FJs, but I was getting this persistent Fe feeling from her. The personality trait that I think describes her best is wry. She's sarcastic but not in a mean way, it's like she spoils her sarcasm with smiling at you or by saying she's just playing. She pulled back enough for me to see that she wanted to make it clear she wasn't trying to be a jerk but that undercurrent was there and a very natural place for her to go.

    Like I thought this was hilarious. We decided to give the receptionist at our job orchids and lilies when she retired. When we were giving her the flowers the other ENFJ said right after the receptionist finished fawning over them. "Yeah, these are such lovely flowers! Too bad they'll be dead in a week!" And then she started laughing and I thought it was funny too so I was laughing. The receptionist was sitting there with the most horrified expression, so we stopped laughing. Basically, when you talk to her she twists up very happy things, laughs, and then goes back to her baseline smiley self.

    So that's an example of what I mean when I say different flavors of Fe. Make sense?
    Yes, but I think sarcasm is too harsh; in fact, I rarely say anything negative at all. I think I'm so keen at analyzing what is appropriate that I just rarely offend anyone, ever.
    I think I act like a diplomat, trying to work out a happy medium between people.

  6. #56
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Alright, question for ENFJs.

    Do you think that one of the problems in identifying ENFJs in the wild is because Fe can focus in so many different directions? I've often thought that Fe is like water and can be flavored with anything. Like a powdered drink mix that is distinctly one taste that everyone can agree it is. This is cherry flavored and this is grape.
    Good question.

    Frankly, I have no idea - I have the worst time typing other ENFJs, though it's easy enough for me to say "No, that's NOT right"... Striking a positive is more difficult. I tend to see more of a tendency to mistype ENFJs strictly because someone is detecting a well-used Fe, like ISFJs. They can be warm, witty and inclusive too.

    N gives the Fe a bit of an icier, more immaterial feel. To me, an ESFJ is pretty obvious - they're electric, physical, someone who uses their environment masterfully, sharp and grounded. The grounding is the most important aspect between N and S. No matter how ethereal the ESFJ is, they still manage to bring that magic down out of the clouds and make it real in the here and now. ENFJs don't have that capacity. Terra firma doesn't exist. I'm the lightning, not the lightning rod.


    I don't feel like a particularly romantic or lovey dovey type of Fe dominant full of poetry with a sunny face to the world. Nor do feel very motherish or like I need to look after people to make sure they're OK or take care of their feelings that much.
    Agreed. I don't relate to the mushy definition of ENFJs. I *am* incredibly idealistic and harbor secret thoughts of marvelous warm fate crossing paths with 11th hour rescues and redemption. I suppose that could be considered romantic. I do consider "people" as an amorphous blob to be my "charge", but looking after them not so much like a mother, but an attack dog. I see injustice and it triggers a terrible need to right the wrong. Like the suffering people in Zimbabwe. I can't hardly look at it without wanting to cry, I feel so badly for the innocents suffering such brutality with little or no ready help.

    I don't feel the need to help EVERYONE though, nor do they rate my sympathy. I can be very hardened and unsympathetic sometimes.

    I'm a very burnt person - I don't expect other ENFJs to behave like me. I've got edges ground into me that aren't good for anyone. It does color my temperament.

    I feel like my Fe is more politically and socially focused. Not politics in the sense that I'm following governmental politics because honestly I don't know WTF is going on. Or social in that I'm organizing parties for friends to get together. Social in terms of social justice or social movements and political in the sense that I want to understand how we organize ourselves together, what forces are at work, how we decided what is beneficial/pernicious to the Group, and how to navigate through oceans of humanity.
    I like to be apprised what those in power are doing. Mama didn't raise no fool.

    Maybe part of the problem with finding ENFJs is because people are looking for the benevolent mother/father figure which seems to be the most prominent stereotype of ENFJs (and ESFJs) and miss the other flavors because of this.
    ESFJs are usually pretty prominent people. Why hide? ENFJs have a tendency to blend with the group. Chameleon quality? We're not clad with the bullet-proofing of the ESFJs.

    Which flavor of ENFJ do you think you are? Do you identify with the mother/father figure type of ENFJ or something else?
    I identify with Pele. White hot inside even when not erupting. I'm not motherly, but I am a caretaker. The need to see others safe is partly my own safety. Less torture for my psyche.

    On the cooler side, anyone else feel the "Aragorn" complex? I know he's INFJ but does any other ENFJ feel his presence internally?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #57
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I feel you. Hence proteanmix.
    I don't know either, that's why I'm asking! There's one other ENFJ at my job and it took me forever to type her, well over a year. The reason why I had difficulty is because she wasn't coming off in the cliched forms of Fe I was using to type FJs, but I was getting this persistent Fe feeling from her. The personality trait that I think describes her best is wry. She's sarcastic but not in a mean way, it's like she spoils her sarcasm with smiling at you or by saying she's just playing. She pulled back enough for me to see that she wanted to make it clear she wasn't trying to be a jerk but that undercurrent was there and a very natural place for her to go.
    You pretty much just described me perfectly. I honestly couldn't add or take away anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I feel like my Fe is more politically and socially focused. Not politics in the sense that I'm following governmental politics because honestly I don't know WTF is going on. Or social in that I'm organizing parties for friends to get together. Social in terms of social justice or social movements and political in the sense that I want to understand how we organize ourselves together, what forces are at work, how we decided what is beneficial/pernicious to the Group, and how to navigate through oceans of humanity.
    I can definitely relate to this as well. Both politically and socially I am very much abstract in thinking. I have to almost zoom out and look at the abstract form of something in order to understand how it works. ..Hmm..that makes sense in my mind but on paper (err..Screen :>) it just doesn't sound right. But besides that I also agree with the group mentality part at the end. I always feel like I am playing a Shepard-like role within the group-not in a smothering sense- but almost leading the group to the most beneficial conclusion.

    Do you think that one of the problems in identifying ENFJs in the wild is because Fe can focus in so many different directions? I've often thought that Fe is like water and can be flavored with anything. Like a powdered drink mix that is distinctly one taste that everyone can agree it is. This is cherry flavored and this is grape.
    Ok, I've just decided to answer random questions now . I can honestly say that I haven't been able to identify another ENFJ. Most of my friends are T's ( I goto a tech school (1 month left!)) so I would think that another ENFJ would potentially stand out even more...

    I've starting to think that we have natural cloaking devices that activate when we sense the presence of another ENFJ in the vicinity haha.


  8. #58
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    I have given the test to a few people and have gotten 3 other guys as ENFjs. One I didn't know for too long and he came across more as an ENTJ. The other one was more quiet and reserved but I can see a lot of me in him, as for the other one well he is a complete goof ball loud and funny but I don't see him no more, so far none of us behave anything like each other. May be some mistyped? I am not all that good at typing people just yet.
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  9. #59
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    there are just 16 types for the whole of humanity. picture that.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Almost 80% are the eight types of SJ and SP

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