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Thread: Ask an ENFJ

  1. #11
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you're asking
    its okay, i did not really expect that you would have any experience about how total deprivation of emotional response would affect an enfj child, since you are obviously not seriously broken.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    I could still volunteer my opinion; I simply couldn't get a firm grasp on what your question was asking.

  3. #13
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    I could still volunteer my opinion
    are you asking for permission? sorry, i am lost with finesse in communication, since english is a foreign language to me. thanks for answering my questions so far, btw

  4. #14
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Sorry, I'll try to communicate with you more simply because of the language barrier.

    If you express your question in clear terms I could answer it easier.

  5. #15
    a scream in a vortex nanook's Avatar
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    its not a question, just a theory i am playing with.

    i assume that you have heard of functions and their abbreviations. Fe is for extroverted feeling, Ni is for introverted intuition. these are our first two functions.

    well, my basic understanding is, that an enfj gets somewhat angry, if he has to deal with someone, who ignores the needs that are related to Fe tact. you send signals and your opponent refuses to respond at all or sends signals that turn out to be random and insincere.

    but if parents would be without exception completely ignorant about a child's attempt at forming an Fe based bonding, the child would not even know what it's missing and therefore it could not develop a conscious anger about being ignored. a child could not be constantly angry, after all.

    without healthy anger (courage), it could never develop the insisting attitude that constitutes pro active Fe-extroversion: that spontaneous insisting on a response from anyone. the child would not even expect a response (or miss it). so it would eventually turn out to be introverted. (shy to the bone)

    my mother had this thing: she needed to appear selfless. she would care for me, but ignore any attempt of me, at caring for her. any proactive Fe-behavior got frustrated. so i could never form the expectation, that anyone (else) would appreciate a pro-active Fe-motivated contribution from me. not only did that stop me from contributing anything to anyone (ie children at the kidnergarden). it had the ironic effect of making me cling to such a Fe-style, that would actually lead to a response: my mothers willingness to care for me, created in me a dependence on caring, a practically faked but believed story of endless neediness and dependence, because this earned me a positive response.
    when in reality or originally I only depended on any kind of bonding, not only on "care".

    so: i have no idea if i was born as NiFe or FeNi person. i just know, that i did not have a chance to develop a pro-active variation of Fe. also i know, that i was angry a lot, as a child. angry about my parents ignorance and inability to see me.

    i believe that inborn type will still be engraved authentically in physiognomy and i believe that i am probably not an inborn enfj.

    but still, i have empirical interest in finding out about broken insecure enfj.
    for gooey random intuitive comparisons. what causes it and how do they deal with it.

  6. #16
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Ive never meet an ENFJ in person, however if they anything like there S cousins, i'd gladly skip such an experience.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  7. #17
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanook View Post
    its not a question, just a theory i am playing with.

    i assume that you have heard of functions and their abbreviations. Fe is for extroverted feeling, Ni is for introverted intuition. these are our first two functions.

    well, my basic understanding is, that an enfj gets somewhat angry, if he has to deal with someone, who ignores the needs that are related to Fe tact. you send signals and your opponent refuses to respond at all or sends signals that turn out to be random and insincere.

    but if parents would be without exception completely ignorant about a child's attempt at forming an Fe based bonding, the child would not even know what it's missing and therefore it could not develop a conscious anger about being ignored. a child could not be constantly angry, after all.

    without healthy anger (courage), it could never develop the insisting attitude that constitutes pro active Fe-extroversion: that spontaneous insisting on a response from anyone. the child would not even expect a response (or miss it). so it would eventually turn out to be introverted. (shy to the bone)

    my mother had this thing: she needed to appear selfless. she would care for me, but ignore any attempt of me, at caring for her. any proactive Fe-behavior got frustrated. so i could never form the expectation, that anyone (else) would appreciate a pro-active Fe-motivated contribution from me. not only did that stop me from contributing anything to anyone (ie children at the kidnergarden). it had the ironic effect of making me cling to such a Fe-style, that would actually lead to a response: my mothers willingness to care for me, created in me a dependence on caring, a practically faked but believed story of endless neediness and dependence, because this earned me a positive response.
    when in reality or originally I only depended on any kind of bonding, not only on "care".

    so: i have no idea if i was born as NiFe or FeNi person. i just know, that i did not have a chance to develop a pro-active variation of Fe. also i know, that i was angry a lot, as a child. angry about my parents ignorance and inability to see me.

    i believe that inborn type will still be engraved authentically in physiognomy and i believe that i am probably not an inborn enfj.

    but still, i have empirical interest in finding out about broken insecure enfj.
    for gooey random intuitive comparisons. what causes it and how do they deal with it.
    Totally true, I'll tend to take something against my values very personally.

    Yes, unless the child was adequately socialized in some way. Public school maybe? I think the role of schooling on socialization is more important than family, which teaches more values.

    I dunno: but this site's test is very accurate, give it a shot
    Personality Test and Types (Jungian Psychological Typology)

  8. #18
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    If you were romantically interested in someone a lot more reserved, private and shy, how would you show it?

  9. #19
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    If you were romantically interested in someone a lot more reserved, private and shy, how would you show it?
    Personally, I would be very obvious and flirty. I would try to bring them out of their shell and try to get them to talk about things that matter: what they care about, what they like to do, what they are doing with their live, stuff like that. I might get irritated if someone was shy to the extent that they wouldn't share how they feel about anything. Hopefully I would remember that some people are not as immediately comfortable as I am and let the relationship grow over time.

  10. #20
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Thank you. Will keep that in mind.

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