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Thread: Do NFJs tend to be the most private types?

  1. #31
    Senior Member Array the state i am in's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    i think Fe in general is more aware of the situation/context. we will withhold saying something even when we want to more frequently than Fi types. and quite unlike them we almost ALWAYS want to.

    i think Fi types tend to reveal themselves at seemingly more random and less socially determined moments than Fe types. perhaps it is more about how they feel right now and if they can hold it in than it is for Fe, which pretty much always feels the need to express itself.

    i don't tend to reveal myself that often bc i am extremely aware of the socially appropriate inappropriateness of the occasion, bc the people around me won't understand anyway, and bc i am tired of hearing myself talk talk talk. i do not want to burden other people with my problems unless they can truly help me in a way more significant than giving me a sounding board for my own voice (ie provide some insight, etc), or for just opening the dam and letting me talk myself into coma. it's pretty shitty to make other people listen to you all the time, tho secretly i think that's what i want to do.

    Fi types, in my experience, often feel they need to work thru it on their own. they just don't feel the need to share when they won't get anything sent back to them over the net that helps clarify their own feelings, position, etc. it will be translated once, and then they'll have to translate it again before they can use it. and most of the time it's very frustrating bc it doesn't take into account their specific subjective values that are shaping the conflict in the first place.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Array Cronkle's Avatar
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    Mar 2009


    ^^ I agree; I am super Fe and it totally depends how you phrase it and how you act and what you want to know and for what purpose!

  3. #33


    Yes I can say I'm a very private person. I'm an Introvert afterall.

    Although paradoxically, I tend to be more open in private circumstances - especially with very close friends, with whom I've built considerable amounts of trust and intimacy with.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Array hokie912's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    The two INFJs I know well (one of them for 10 years) are both very private. Neither of them volunteers any information. Fortunately I ask a lot of questions and like others here have said, when asked they do open up.

    They seem to put up walls, not so much to protect themselves as to protect everyone else. I'm not sure why, maybe because of being introverted, but they believe they need to protect other people from their 'emotional intrusiveness', for want of a better phrase. Or their emotional expressiveness, maybe, I don't know how to describe this. They hold back part of themselves. Their own emotions get tangled up with other people's and they try and avoid that by putting up defensive walls to keep their F contained.
    I think there's a little something to this. I've avoided sharing things about myself with people because I worry about how they'll react. If it's something really upsetting, I don't want to make people uncomfortable if I really care about them. So that's half of it. The other half is that I know how important it is to me that they are interested and, hopefully, sympathetic, and I don't think that I would react well if someone minimized something that holds a great deal of emotional importance to me. This goes for communication in general, I think...I'm terrible with maintaining blogs because I worry about not being able to explain the things I feel in a way that will be understood by other people.

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Contrarily, my mother's incessant desire to impress her friends with things like "my daughter wants to teach" and "she's been writing since she was a kid" makes me cringe. For reasons completely incomprehensible to her, I do not want this information shared with just anyone because it reveals my passions, therefore it reveals me --whereas my family debacles feel less personal as they are simply "events" that have shaped the course of my serpentine life.

    There are also people who have known me since birth that do not know huge swaths of my life. For example: they would not know that I have survived several serious bouts of suicidal depression, was baptized on my own at 14, decided I was agnostic at 21, was seriously abused for many years by my own mother, or even my favorite song etc --yet I share this information freely with a forum of complete strangers. My choice of self-disclosure is fickle, circumstantially dependent, and purpose-driven whether the listener knows it or not.

    For every inch I reveal there remains a mile underground. Ultimately, INFJs spin their own intricate web of values that seems complicated to many but the makers.
    This really rings true, as well. Even though it's resolved now, some of my closest friends don't know that my father was a drug addict and dealt drugs from our house all throughout the time I was in middle and high school. Part of that is the above-mentioned thing about not wanting to cause other people distress by telling them about this and/or worrying that they won't understand why I lied to them. It took a ton of trust and was emotionally exhausting to tell my best friend about it. As more time passes and I've started to feel a little emotional closure, I've been able to talk about it with people I've met since that time.

    It's a frustrating thing being compelled to share, forge emotional connections and be understood but being so hyper-aware of and invested in the listener's emotional response. In extreme cases, it's kind of paralyzing. Sometimes I kind of wish I could just spill my emotional baggage and it just be for me, a catharsis in which I didn't have to consider anyone else's feelings.

  5. #35
    Banned Array
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    Apr 2009


    INTP's are the most heavily introverted.

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