So I have recently (within the past six months) become kind-of friends with someone whom I believe to be INFJ. She has a quiet, sober exterior, is sensitive to words (meaning she will get upset by the phrasing of something, even if she knows that the intent behind the words is benign), does not appreciate my joking or ribbing at her playfully, and is basically a super-nice, conscientious person (though admittedly a little over-anxious and anal).
The trouble with her is that (1) I'm never sure if I'm offending her or not, or (2) if she actually likes me or is just being nice. We initially got along because we were the two most quiet in the group, and could relate on that level. However, I got the impression that, after a while, she didn't really appreciate my style of humor or communication too much. In one instance, I recall her being upset over my playful ridiculing of the communist party, and in another, more recent instance, she was upset because she didn't like the argumentative tone of my response to one of her writings (that we had to do as a class assignment, no less). I mean, she should know by now that I am almost never serious about anything, even silly arguments for school projects. I jokingly ridicule everything and everyone while in her presence. Why, then, would that bother her (the phrasing of the argument was intended to purposely goad people, and thus used exaggerated levels of sarcasm)? This same sort of thing has happened before, many times (with the whole arguments thing, and her continuous misconstrual of my intentionally playful communication as being serious).
Also, regarding (2), I'm not sure if it's my lack of initiation (of conversation, even, sometimes), but I get the sense that she doesn't always like me. It's like, if I don't reach out to her (which I never do initially, and I am significantly more reserved about revealing details about myself in casual conversation than she is), she becomes offended and distant. It's very subtle. Nothing that I overtly did, or that I can even really recognize, but the behavior on her part is decidedly different. She's not like my INTJ friend, with whom I can simply pick up conversation easily where we last left off...it's like I have to rebuild my relationship with her each time we meet. At first I thought it was my behavior that was off, but as this only happens with her, I concluded that it was not me being weird, but me responding to her being weird. Yet, we still get along well enough to remain on friend-ish terms for the most part (hang out sometimes, talk, dinner, etc.,).
Also, sometimes we think in such divergent ways that it seems we have nothing in common. We consistently, and independently, come to the opposite conclusions about issues under discussion, and about likes and dislikes. The thing is, though, that I find her style of thinking through issues to be very smart (I would consider her to be significantly more erudite than me at this point)...I admire its fluidity and poetic tendency. It works wonders in my current field, so I sort of envy her. My little logical deconstructions and analyses gets sneered at or ignored often, while her intuitive pieces (even if they don't really argue for anything whatever) are praised to high heaven. But I'm not sure that she really respects my way of thinking (yes, my field is a total reversal of the dominant tendency to value logic over feeling or intuition...so I feel like a feeler in a hard science field. My natural way of thinking, which I have always over-relied upon to do smart work instead of putting a lot of effort and hours in to achieve the same thing, does not help me here).
Anyway, I'd like to know if any of these observations of our interactions resonates with other people on this board. If it does, do by all means share. Or if it doesn't, and you think I'm wrong-headed in my perceptions, let me know.