Lol this whole thread reminded me of Family Matters.
Bottom line: his Ni is locked on you. in other words he's obsessed. OCD. he's going to have to get locked on to someone or something else if you want to keep him as a friend. So i'd recommend ALOT of time and space.
Last edited by invaderzim; 03-12-2009 at 10:29 PM.
Reason: darn those typos
@Sade: I'm hesitant to do a doorslam, not only because it'll hurt him, but because three other people would be affected. Not only he complained about my couple days of avoidance, but my other friends complained about it along with the tense atmosphere when we were in the same vicinity. And it doesn't help that we're all best buddy buddies.
I've told him, "Give up on me. It won't work," "please give up on me, I can't see you like that," and "it won't work," in the span of...two years...
I know it may hurt to hurt him by being forceful, but this is worse for him. Have you said, "I don't like you", unsmilingly? "Give up on me, it won't work" is not enough... that's like daring an INFJ to care.
Also, can I ask have you dated anyone else yourself? That would work for me. He needs the final nail in the coffin so to speak, i.e. no hope. INFJs can live on hope for a long time. I would be consistent in showing no interest in him and I would put some distance between us too.
I have been through this as well. I had to slowly ween myself from the person (this was love though). It eventually got to where we would talk less and less every day, then every other day, then every 2 days... up until it became once a week just to check in on the other. It's depressing but it works. I still think about her sometimes but I think it's safe to say the feelings got buried and don't bother me anymore. I recently spoke to her for the first time in about a month and a half two days ago (she is busy with college). I still feel the feelings that were there, but not as violently as I did. I am trying to find someone to replace her in my life, which is leading to be unsuccessful, but I will continue searching! My reason for not talking to her was that she had to move about 600 miles away, and that was the only solution.
I know this was different from your situation, but you get the idea. The only choice you have is to stop communication until your feelings are neutralized.
I've been in this situation with an INTP. It lasted three years and as with you, my group of friends which we were both part of, was driven mental, as was my SO. He was my best friend and I didn't have the heart to break his. I repeatedly told him that although he meant a lot to me, I was already taken and wasn't about to leave my SO for anyone. It didn't matter. I also offered to do the doorslam thing...but he couldn't bear the thought plus it would impact our group of friends significantly. Eventually, he decided to leave the group and focus on other activities in his life and stay away. I lost my best friend. We're all still hoping he'll come back though. Unfortunately Costrin is right...the only cure for it seems to be distance. And even now, after two years of him leaving...when I see him, we share a look and there's tension between us.
Good luck on this, it's a difficult situation. Don't let your friends guilttrip you. This is not your fault, nor is it his and anyone of them would not know how to handle this correctly. Someone's bound to get hurt. And it will probably be more than one in fact. There's no avoiding that, unfortunately.
The only thing you can do is firmly emphasize that you're only interested in friendship... still in this case I doubt the INFJ will change his/her feelings. It's almost as if you cannot. The best you can do is redirect that feeling into something else. Hopefully time and meeting another person will dilute this.