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Thread: Fe oddness

  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default Fe oddness

    "People with developed Fe tend to create implied bargains with other people about what sort of role they will play in regard to each other. They make an opening "bid" where they cast the other person in a positive role, e.g. "Would you be willing to spare a moment of your time to share your expertise with me?", casting the other person as an expert and a very important person. The implied contract is that if they treat you as a very important person, then you will each have very satisfying social roles. But if you get out of line, then you will withdraw your willingness to cast them in that role. Each line where you play the other person up thus creates a sort of debt: now they "owe" you some response that makes you important."

    After a few interactions with ENFJs I often start to make them a little batty. They become very irritated with me and then seem confused why I just dont get it. I found the above qoute and I wonder if it is becuase I feel no need to fit in a consistant "social role". I sort of wonder and change identity like underwear as needed. So they start off assigning me a role, I inadvertantly modify my role, whcih offends them, then they zoom in for reassignment, which I just ignore.

    I also then "feel" this assignment process and it gets my hackles up in arms. It feels manipulative to me.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
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    To me, Fe just seems so.. confining. It seems to come with the person's own definition of what someone they label as, say, a "friend" or "roommate" is "supposed" to be and do. When we fail to live up to those expectations.. :steam:

    I definitely experience the same phenomenon that you do.. that my identity is rather fluid and takes on the characteristics of the environment or other people that I'm around. So when I'm around a Fe-dom that I have some relationship with, and we're out and about in different environments, he may not understand why I don't always carry out the social role that he's constructed for me.

    Luckily, understanding this difference has allowed me to communicate to Fe-dominants in a way that avoids this problem in the first place..

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...i do know what you mean and i think my enfp sister must totally be an enfj...she does that...she's always trying to direct activities...and i just say you go ahead and do what you want...i'm going to do this instead...i don't like being told what to do.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    and i just say you go ahead and do what you want...i'm going to do this instead...
    You have no idea how many times I've said this, mostly in response to something like "But we're supposed to do this together! We're friends!!"


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    Haha, yea I see what you mean, I think it should be flexible. Its best if one does what is comfortable with, no need to worry about that from me.

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    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    After a few interactions with ENFJs I often start to make them a little batty. They become very irritated with me and then seem confused why I just dont get it. I found the above qoute and I wonder if it is becuase I feel no need to fit in a consistant "social role". I sort of wonder and change identity like underwear as needed. So they start off assigning me a role, I inadvertantly modify my role, whcih offends them, then they zoom in for reassignment, which I just ignore.
    It's not that odd, is it? They're Js, they direct. And they're people-focused, so they direct people.

    I have the idea, actually, that Fe just is directive, even if it's not in a dominant position. Te probably is too.

    The thing I find odd about Fe is the seeming preference for secrecy. I don't know if it's just what it looks like to me, but it, to me, looks like Fe really prefers to function behind the scenes... Fe actually wants to keep its management of other people hidden. (And it's about as hidden as a sledge-hammer in your pocket, but there you go.)





    (And Greed, you're slightly more ENFP than I am, but still...)

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    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    You have no idea how many times I've said this, mostly in response to something like "But we're supposed to do this together! We're friends!!"
    I had an unhealthy ESFJ friend who had this kind of reasoning. "You are supposed to do this and this for me, we're friends!" To me that was pure emotional manipulation which I can spot a mile away and which is one of the things I can't stand (since as a F it can really mess with me). As an INFJ I have a strong Fe too but I really try not to use it in an unhealthy way.

  8. #8
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    It's not that odd, is it? They're Js, they direct. And they're people-focused, so they direct people.

    I have the idea, actually, that Fe just is directive, even if it's not in a dominant position. Te probably is too.

    The thing I find odd about Fe is the seeming preference for secrecy. I don't know if it's just what it looks like to me, but it, to me, looks like Fe really prefers to function behind the scenes... Fe actually wants to keep its management of other people hidden. (And it's about as hidden as a sledge-hammer in your pocket, but there you go.)




    (And Greed, you're slightly more ENFP than I am, but still...)
    It's becuase it would be "bad" to manipulate people but if its for thier own good, then it's okay to do. Also other chunks of the above text I chopped from talked about how by the Fe defining you to a certain social role it also defines them to a specific social role in relation to you. However that constitutes manipulation which most folks think is bad.

    So it has to at least try and be sneaky...

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    A dominant Fe will read people and figure out what it is that they are good at. They will then rely on those people to help others with that thing. Try being in a position where they rely on you to help them help you and in turn helping you benefits them.

  10. #10
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Ive been there and I make them twitch-literally-they start like twitching and stuff. There eyes get a little blinky too.

    It may be that I LIKE to change in midstream in a feely fun way, yet that is what they strive to control and mold. Twitch!

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