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  1. #1
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    Default coping with being a "single" NFP

    This is a question for ENFPs & INFPs that are totally single: How do you cope with NOT being in a relationship? Do you feel like you are constantly waiting to meet the next one or "the one"? Do you find every day to be painful like I do? What do you do to get through these trying times?

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I do feel the way you do, on all terms. I talk to people to distract myself, and I also do other things besides sit there and worry. I am constantly trying to meet the right one however.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Same here. I'm single and have never been exactly prolific on the dating scene. The conclusion I've come to is that you can't let your happiness be determined by others. Obvious enough, but how many people accept this fact?

    I try to find fulfillment in pursuing the things that inspire me, travelling and meeting new people, giving to others, revelling in great works of art (whatever form they may take), seeking self-improvement and self-knowledge, and expanding my mind. You have to be active in these prusuits because stagnancy is a serious dangerous place for NFPs. Keep moving and moving forward, this eases the pain and helps give you direction and meaning.

  4. #4
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    I'm single, and I enjoy it. What I should say is, I don't mind being solo at all. I would rather be single than with someone I know isn't the one. I keep my heart open for him, whenever he arrives, and in the meantime, I try to embrace the world as a single entity.

    Though I'm not saying this to make anyone else feel bad. Sometimes it's hard to feel that kind of longing in your heart every day and not have it make you a little crazy or despairing.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Valhallahereicome's Avatar
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    Hmm, I'm definitely happier NOT being in a relationship than being in one with anyone who's not truly a good fit for me. I've been in 4 relationships in the past and had misgivings about all 4, and done the typical NF thing where you stay wayyyy past the expiration date, and was just not happy. When I'm single, I do feel that longing for "the one" but realize that being single is better than pretending that someone is "the one" when he's not.

    Now I refuse to get into a relationship unless I am really, truly in love with a person. That's only happened once and it might be a while before it happens again. Do I long for it? Yes. But meanwhile, I'm having lots of fun doing my own thing and having FWBs.

    In fact, in a practical sense I'm really not ready to meet the right person yet. That would probably involve settling down in one spot at least, and being accountable to the person, and I'd prefer to travel a lot and experience some really crazy things without worrying about what anyone thinks.

    To get through these trying times? Know that there are SO many enjoyable things in life besides just finding "the one"! What do you enjoy doing? What are your dreams? What do you want to achieve? Pursue those things and you'll have a lot of fun and find real meaning, even though they have nothing to do with romantic love.
    Fi>Ne>Te>Ti, and 3>7>8>4. WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

  6. #6
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Okay, first -- wow, I can finally post in the NF personal threads!!! Freakin' finally!!! Sheesh.

    OK, now onto the OP

    Maybe this is an E/I difference, but I truly enjoy being single. My life stays pretty active and I actually feel more free to meet more people when I'm not in a relationship. And by 'single' I mean not in a committed relationship. I can still date and consider myself to be single, in fact, since last summer I have basically been single and dating. Before then, I was back in school and I was single and single.

    I've met enough people and seen enough relationships in my life to know that I do not want to be stuck with someone and something if I am not feelng it. I don't necessarily feel like I'm single and waiting (though give it several more months or a year and I might get there), I feel like a free agent and I really like it!

    I have high standards when it comes to love and relationships and I think this is type related. I can't fake the funk, I can't settle, and I refuse to go through the motions. It's not fun and it's just way too much work and it's a bad situation all around for everyone involved.

    I think recently, in the last few years, for the first time in my life, I finally have gotten to a point where I can honestly say I feel very happy and blessed and excited about my life and who I am as myself. I feel good and I feel free. I don't feel lonely - I love and appreciate my friends and the other connections I make and the exploring that I do. And I've gotten really practical and discriminate (or tried to) about my affection and how I conduct myself emotionally.

    And that's exactly why I know I'm actually ready and feel truly deserving of a wonderful relationship. I also just got out of an emotionally exhausting and consuming "dating situation" so maybe what I'm also feeling right now is relief, lol. Being single is infinitely healthier and happier and better for you than being in a relationhip and unhappy or chronically just meh. Who wants to be meh?

    I don't need another person to complete me or make me better or help me accomplish my life tasks -- however, I definitely will jump when I find the person who makes my nerve endings tingle.

    The kind of relationship I ultimately want will take a lot of energy and effort and I will be glad to do it and I won't even think of it as 'energy and effort', it'll be natural and it'll be awesome. In the meantime, I live life.

    And, NF's you know when you meet 'the one' or several of 'the ones'. You know the ones to keep an eye on. I know I do.

    In the meantime, like LadyJaye, I try to keep open and be ready when that person arrives.

    And having said all that, I definitely know what it feels like to really, almost desperately, want to be with someone and feel connection to them - to want to be loved and feel love. There are so many reasons to feel this way, and I think for me, it was always accompanied by fear that I was not deserving of it, that these things are outside my control, that I was just unlucky in love, and I really needed a lot, etc. Now, I'm more confident and comfortable in my own skin and having experienced really BAD and unfortunate love connections, I honestly just do not want to touch that again with a 10 foot pole. I value myself and my values too much.

    Alright, sorry for the long lecture, I was honestly talking to myself. I totally do understand what it feels like to really want to be with someone, not even a specific person but just to want to be with someone in general.
    Last edited by CzeCze; 03-12-2009 at 01:44 AM.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I haven't ever not been single, it's like I don't think I'll meet anyone worthy of a comitment I doubt it. I'm 22 and I have yet to meet anyone I'd want to date.I think their should be a thread that says coping with being in a "relationship" aswell.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #8
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Sometimes it's hard to feel that kind of longing in your heart every day and not have it make you a little crazy or despairing.
    QFT.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  9. #9
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    I've only ever not felt single once in my life, which was when I was in a relationship with a man whom I was actually in love with, so basically, other than that one experience, regardless of whether I'm with someone or not, I still usually pretty much feel like I'm flying solo.

    Question, which NFs here want to one day have kids?

    I definitely want to one day be a mother and have a family, and I am particular about what I like in a mate, and I am a freak, so meeting like-minded men whom I respect and connect with is kind of a majorly daunting and disappointing pain in the ass.

    Having deep connections with men is not something I have been blessed with experiencing in my life, so far.

    I kind of am of the mind state, now, that I'd rather be alone than be with someone whom I don't deeply connect with.

    So yeah, I'm alone a lot these days.

    :/

    How do I cope?

    I get more into myself, through exploring and enjoying who I am!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

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  10. #10
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    No kids. For now that's how I feel don't know what I'll feel in the future but now no kids. maybe one day I'll decide I want kids. But hasn't happened yet.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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