I think I've become too comfortable too fast for my age in the mindset of potentially being single the rest of my life.
Most of the time though, I'm comfortable, and content with myself and who I am. I'm the sort who thinks people are destined for SOMETHING, but that not everyone is destined for love. I'm still trying to figure out if I am one of those people or not.
Wow.
Is this an ENFP thing??
Because your sentiments are exactly how I used to feel for a long time and still shake off the remnants of - "I am not destined for love". For whatever reason, that was my love script even before puberty. Tragic love, harlequin romance, platonic love - it was these things that I felt intuitively were mine - not lasting, romantic relationships.
Boo.
I even took one of those pop psychology tests and it said my love script was about feeling like I can't reach love because my morals, principles, values or what have you will get in the way.
And it was true!
I had opportunities and people interested in me, but I would always turn them down or back away or turn it into friendship because I wanted to be a "good" person.
Example 1 : I didn't want to date a girl I was intensely attracted to who was making it pretty clear she was into me. Why? Because she had hooked up with my polyamorous friend who didn't take rejection well.
And my friend by that time had a serious boyfriend!
And in retrospect, my friend would have NEVER returned the favor or been as considerate of my feelings.
Example 2: My first year of college I was a host for high school senior orientation week. One of the women I met (who I hadn't hosted but I had met) enrolled in my college and I could tell she had a crush on me. I thought she was cute but I didn't act on anything. It seemed "wrong" to me to start dating given how we had met. Even though I had never officially been a mentor to her and even though people hook up and date their RA's (resident advisors) and other upperclass officers all the time.
I still see the reasoning for why I turned down these possibilities but I also know that my REAL problem was that I didn't prioritize myself. You must prioritize yourself and what you want when it comes to love situations or it will never happen.
My key issues:
1) Not visualizing myself in love and happy. I never gave myself or my life permission to put me in a relationship or dating situation. At all. At some deep level I was scared of it, I did not feel deserving, I did not think it would happen to me. You manifest what you believe.
2) If you want an excuse not to do something, you will ALWAYS find it.
Kyueei, I don't know what your story is and I know this sounds really cheesy, but I just want to say - you are destined for love! Everyone is. It makes me sad to think this is a fundamental truth - "I am not destined for love" - that you deal with because I know exactly how that feels like. I know everyone is different, but for myself, I finallly decided that I WANT to be happy and I can and want and deserve to be with someone and create something
awesome I tell myself this, I believe this, I
hope for this and I think that affects how I conduct myself in life in ways I am not aware of and helps make that reality happen.
There is absolutely at least one more love story in store for everyone. Except maybe if you're very old and have lived most of your life already, but even then there are a lot of retired and widowed people who have jumped back into dating!