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[MBTI General] coping with being a "single" NFP

kelsey.nicole

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2011
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFP
Post # 55 reference:
I go to a Christian college that teases about ring by spring and I am single and never dated either! You in PA perchance? :)
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I am an INFP and I go to a Christian college that teases about a "ring by spring!"

haha oh wow! pressure much?

so i was single for... 20+ years? did a little dating, nothing significant... i pined over people for a long time during that... now as a non-single... i just want to say, i don't think you really have less problems, just different ones... 0_o

i mean obviously i think my relationship is worth staying in, but i think it's important to remember that NFP emotional life is just complicated... we're screwed emotionally regardless of whether we're in a relationship or not. when you're not, you're dreaming of one, and when you are, you're dreaming of how it could be made better and scared of losing it. that pining feeling doesn't go away, it just shifts... it shifts to wanting to be around the person you're with when they're gone, it shifts to wishing you had more time to spend with them, it shifts to wishing things were better between the two of you... even when it's really, really good, your mind is stuck on "if we could just tweak this one thing..."

kinda the downside to being an idealist, always looking for how to make things better :shrug:
 

jcloudz

Yup
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
1,525
MBTI Type
Istj
This is a false premise I've come to realise, its in the language, I was responding to my own false premise there for awhile I have to say.

Coping sounds strange, almost like your coping after grief, coping after depression, coping after loss, coping after lack, coping after single, coping out of what exactly?
Strange wouldn't you say?
Almost like coping not because we are single but coping because we are experiencing a poverty in our personality. Whereby we are focusing all our energies on this coping, this lacking aspect where we think and feel because we are in this energy state where we are single, that has left such a mega impression on how society views this, how we have been thought to view this aspect of ourselves, there is an inadequacy in how we feel and think. And this inadequacy is our dissatisfaction with ourselves rather. Insofar as to say we are then experiencing negative synchronicity and projecting this coping, this lacking of ourselves outwardly and reinforcing that experience I feel.

When you learn to change this negative vibrational state of being where you are without expectation of what you lack and start thinking and feeling good about yourself in abundantly, in a having and wanting energy state, you are fulfilled and your jug would refill with water cascading forward. And then your energy would become a kind of positive synchronicity where you focus towards accepting who we are. Becoming conscious, confident and self assured that coping and lacking are strange words. For they reinforce your views of what you don't have, instead of affirming your views of what you do have. And that is your individual selves, your freedoms, your passions, your joys, your personality, your creativity, your energy, your intrigue, your physicality, your being. How different attitudes would appear, fearless then towards enjoying life as a moment of experience rather than a moment in coping.

Interesting.

this is true
 

kitsune

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2012
Messages
11
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
4
One of my single friends was just talking about how she needs to learn to be happy "without a boy." She's a cute, rarely single ISFJ. Anyway, as someone who is single more frequently than she is and is currently single, I think that it is possible to be happy when single but it's a different sort of happiness. Happiness in partnership, to me, feels like a deeper happiness.
 

Elfa

Señora Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2011
Messages
267
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I don't know how one can cope with being single, since being single isn't even a problem. How can being single be a problem??? I'm in a relationship for 2 years (my first boyfriend ever) and I'm happy with him, but I it's pretty normal for me to be single - why would I need someone to be happy? I lived 18 years of my life single and ok - and that doesn't mean I was alone, since I had family, friends and other people in my life. I guess one needs to learn how to live single and satisfied with oneself to be prepared to have a good, happy and healthy relationship. Because, that way, being with someone else stops being a necessity, but it's just something more in one's life - something that would not take one out from despair and loneliness, but something that would just make one happier.
I'm sorry if I offended someone or made someone feel bad, that wasn't my intention... It's just kinda difficult for me to understand how some people (including people I know personally) can feel so bad for being single... I guess I had never cared very much about this kind of stuff... I had always chosen being single than pretending I liked/loved someone; and, for me, the probability of me being in love with someone the way I am now was so damn little, that I didn't even worry about it. So I'm happy for being with him, but, if I wasn't with him (if I didn't love him or he didn't), that would be ok too. The big challenge of my life has always been how to be happy and satisfied with myself, not with someone else.
 

Hyacinth

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
119
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
471
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Being single is actually quite easy for me. I was single for quite a long time before I met my current partner, and when I met him I wasn't even close to looking for someone. I did whatever I wanted while single and I had a pretty drama free life. I don't need someone just to ... have someone. If someone is going to be in my life, they are there because they are AWESOME. I accept nothing less than the best which makes being a loner easy. :p
 
S

SingSmileShine

Guest
I don't do well in relationships sometimes. I'm fiercely independent and sometimes it's very hard for people to relate to me! But I give it my all when I'm in one. :wub:
 

Turtledove

New member
Joined
Sep 8, 2011
Messages
359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Apparently, I was insulted by my relationship with my mother from a younger (unattractive imo) guy I shot down the other day. Made me depressed for a couple of days. How I interpret it is he said "If my mom dies, I'll be sitting alone." So I guess making fun of my singleness and their ignorance of my social anxiety disorder helped get some of his buddies to help lick his wounds.
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
5,063
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't do well in relationships sometimes. I'm fiercely independent and sometimes it's very hard for people to relate to me! But I give it my all when I'm in one. :wub:


I hear ya.
 

pinkgraffiti

New member
Joined
Mar 20, 2011
Messages
1,482
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
748
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
oh god no. you've just confirmed my suspicions/fears.
thanks for this post, for making me confront my pathos. i guess you're right. :)
haha oh wow! pressure much?

so i was single for... 20+ years? did a little dating, nothing significant... i pined over people for a long time during that... now as a non-single... i just want to say, i don't think you really have less problems, just different ones... 0_o

i mean obviously i think my relationship is worth staying in, but i think it's important to remember that NFP emotional life is just complicated... we're screwed emotionally regardless of whether we're in a relationship or not. when you're not, you're dreaming of one, and when you are, you're dreaming of how it could be made better and scared of losing it. that pining feeling doesn't go away, it just shifts... it shifts to wanting to be around the person you're with when they're gone, it shifts to wishing you had more time to spend with them, it shifts to wishing things were better between the two of you... even when it's really, really good, your mind is stuck on "if we could just tweak this one thing..."

kinda the downside to being an idealist, always looking for how to make things better :shrug:
 

briochick

half-nut member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
633
MBTI Type
eNFP
Enneagram
;)
Instinctual Variant
sx
I'm single, and I enjoy it. What I should say is, I don't mind being solo at all. I would rather be single than with someone I know isn't the one. I keep my heart open for him, whenever he arrives, and in the meantime, I try to embrace the world as a single entity.

Though I'm not saying this to make anyone else feel bad. Sometimes it's hard to feel that kind of longing in your heart every day and not have it make you a little crazy or despairing.

You said it perfectly. I feel the same.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I have never been in a serious relationship, so to answer you question, quite swimmingly. I like being single i have never sought out relationships.
 

Wolfie

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2012
Messages
552
MBTI Type
xNxx
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so
I don't have this compulsion. I like have a partner in my life, but that could be a best friend or a boyfriend, just someone I can be close to and share things with and who will be accepting of me and create a safe social experience for me.
 

Aggieb

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2012
Messages
17
MBTI Type
INFP
I can totally relate.

The fear of being single made me:
1. marry my first bf after being together 6years even though I wasn't in love with him
2. continued to "try again" even though I regretted the marriage after 2 years because I've always felt that it's my fault for not able to be contented with what I have.
3. still procrastinating serving the separation papers even though I have brought up and discussed separation several times (after 9 years of marriage)
4. kept wanting to find the next person to be with.

And now I am 35, and really fearing if I am going to spend the rest of my life alone :(
 

DaniaWania

New member
Joined
Jan 14, 2013
Messages
42
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ENFP
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749
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I enjoy it!

I enjoy designing the ultimate partner for me, but I know everything in my mind is much more exciting that in real life. I wont ever get that ideal person because the probably don't exist in this time or where I am.

I have been in a long term relationship (5 years) when I was younger and I saw how many of my life plan were tailored for US and not ME. May be a bit selfish but I am not too sure I am ready for going off-route for another person just yet. Maybe I will get to that point but its not here.

Of course there are those times when I wish I had someone to cuddle with or someone to be there for me like that... but a relationship is so constant that I cannot expect to come to him when I want him and then disappear when I feel like (oh I wish that were the case sometimes).

This is the time of my life where I need to find out who I am and why I'm here, what I intend to do and who I want to be. When this phase is over (if ever!), maybe I will start thinking about partners and kids and all that typical stuff.
 
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