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  1. #21
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    I don't know if I'm always on a hunt, but I wouldn't mind being in a relationship most of the time. I hesitate to say this because I also don't like getting in bad relationships, so it could go either way..I feel more free though, when I'm not in relationships, and I like freedom, so it's a hard decision.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  2. #22
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I have never really been in a relationship myself. Like everything with me, how I feel just depends on the day I guess. There are times when I yearn for a relationship, but right now I couldn't really see myself committing myself to anyone like that. It seems restricting and a little scary to me.

  3. #23
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I think I've become too comfortable too fast for my age in the mindset of potentially being single the rest of my life.

    It hurts, but not all the time. Some days the day will be bad, I feel like I got no support, got into a fight with the folks, the japanese didn't win the world series, and then I go to my room and lay down and I'm alone. and on those days I generally cry myself to sleep because I don't even feel like I have anyone I could possibly call to complain about that to..

    Most of the time though, I'm comfortable, and content with myself and who I am. I'm the sort who thinks people are destined for SOMETHING, but that not everyone is destined for love. I'm still trying to figure out if I am one of those people or not.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

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  4. #24
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    I prefer being in a relationship as apposed to being single, but at the same time really really enjoy being single when I am. Its like what OneWithSoul said, its all about the freedom.

    However i am also always looking for "the one", if you can call it that. And no matter how much im enjoying being single I will go through bouts of depression due to being single. They only last a couple of days, no more than a week at absolute most and happens about once a month or so. Im currently in one of those moods.
    SDMF

  5. #25
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I sort of just am used to guys not being the right one. I try to idealize the wrong ones due to impatience, but deep down I know it's not it. I think living in the clouds a little bit helps to take whatever edge off. It keeps me fascinated.

  6. #26
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    What do I do when I'm single? Work on myself. Break into new hobbies, travel more, meet new people, completely change my lifestyle and try something different.

    When I got out of my last relationship, it was also right when I graduated and was ready to head into my Ph.D. program. I decided to slow down my schoolwork, stop focusing on my career so much, and get myself out there.. not necessarily in hopes of meeting someone, but just to experience more of the world out there. Soon enough, I was out doing something different every single night of the week--without exaggeration--most of it being stuff that I'd never tried before. From pool to yoga to dancing to soccer to jazz music to social networking organizations' planning meetings.. yeah, I broke into a lot of different activities with full enthusiasm and amazingly kept them up every week. I also traveled somewhere different at least once a month.

    Through all of this, though, especially at the beginning, I'd just feel like I had nobody to share my experiences with.. despite the fact that I was partaking in these activities with friends, I was meeting wonderful new people, and I had friends that I could pretty much call at any time. It was the strangest feeling, but it did get better with time.

    I had started dating again, which raised questions as to when you should "give up" trying to pursue a particular individual--that is, when you know it won't work with them--or what it actually feels like when you "just know" or "click" with someone. I didn't want to just jump into a relationship or "go through the motions" with one, nor did I want to settle. And, believe me, you don't want to be in a relationship with someone you don't even like.

    It came when I'd basically stopped looking.. I finally found someone I "just knew" about. Even then, I'm taking things slowly. I'm still holding onto my independence and freedom, but I'm also introducing her to this wild and crazy world I discovered while I was on my own.

    Maybe this rings true to the NF perspective, maybe not.. but it certainly helps when I find someone who I feel is accepting of me, especially because it can be very hard for me to accept myself at times.


    yeah.. I formally changed my type to an NF just so I can post in these threads and get a better feel for the temperament.. it might just suit me

  7. #27
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    This is a question for ENFPs & INFPs that are totally single: How do you cope with NOT being in a relationship? Do you feel like you are constantly waiting to meet the next one or "the one"? Do you find every day to be painful like I do? What do you do to get through these trying times?
    I spend far more time out of relationships than in them. I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years now (by choice), and haven't felt any desire to change this state of affairs. Women fuck me up, basically. Probably through no fault of their own. I got sick of the dizzying highs and the crushing lows, so now I avoid all women I find attractive (irl). It's not ideal, and it's probably pretty anti-INFPy of me, but it keeps me on more of an even keel and it frees up my mind to think about other things. I'm not even sure I could start up a relationship now if I wanted to -- I've gotten used to the way things are.

    Actually, I was reading High Fidelity recently and the main character struck me as being an ENFP with the kind of problem you're talking about. You should definitely read it -- great book.

  8. #28
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanook View Post
    not sure, if i have dissociated this, or if i am just centered in a healthy way.

    i don't think, a partner could save me from my inner deficits/weakness, as i used to, when i still had the yearning.
    but i still think, a partner could save me in 'practical' ways. there can not be LIVE, alone. spirit dies.
    Yes. All of the above.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I haven't ever not been single, it's like I don't think I'll meet anyone worthy of a comitment I doubt it. I'm 22 and I have yet to meet anyone I'd want to date.I think their should be a thread that says coping with being in a "relationship" aswell.
    I know the feeling. Partly I haven't dated because I just have rarely been attracted enough to bother. Partly though I also attribute it to the submissive and shy attitude I've had about it.

    I do enjoy dating even though I can count the number of dates I've been on with one hand, and relationships that made it past attraction without becomimg friendships, without any at all. Dating is easy to like. It's a lot of fun, and it's MUCH more fun when you do it just FOR fun and shake away the sense of being driven by yearning.

    Determination to attract and play the emotions of others like strings is apparently the way to go if there is motive to create a relationship, and maybe if it frightened me less, I'd find this was my natural inclination. I don't know. But, when I say "ah, I'm just not interested, I don't care, what's the point, I'm just happy myself" what I feel is like I'm telling myself something anxious and am painting something on myself which is like oil on water. Somehow, it doesn't stick, and it leads me to suspect myself of lies.

    I mean, it's odd. Why play the emotional strings of others? Am I not quite content with myself? Doesn't it feel arrogant? I don't know. It makes me feel just repelled enough that I feel called upon to press myself into it.

    In short, I simply do not know who I am.

    Anyway, I'll respond according to my reasoning and feelings, whatever ends up coming of that. I am confident though that I can never enter a relationship feeling as though something were at stake. If I do that, I am lost. The feeling of wanting to be someone's support or to be supported by another is something that feels yucky and sticky, and reeks of contagion and carrion, and I'll treat the feeling like a scared child if I feel it within me.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    I definitely want to one day be a mother and have a family, and I am particular about what I like in a mate, and I am a freak...

    I get more into myself, through exploring and enjoying who I am!
    I like your attitude.

    I don't understand myself though. I FEEL very particular and like I am a freak too ... and yet, from experience, I know I form bonds with people for far less. I mean, if anyone is like me in this, then we should all give up any ideas of being rejected by others because we're too different because it apparently doesn't take much similarity at all for me to form transparent bonds.

    I don't know. Maybe I just want to be appreciated for who I am straight to the depth of me, and that's why I feel so much like there is no possibility of a key for this lock. But then, I feel like it's my responsibility to take care of myself. I sometimes want so much to invert myself and let all my insides show spectacularly for everyone because I feel lonely ... but then again, I feel like this is the CAUSE of loneliness, not the cure at all.

    There is perhaps nothing so deep within me at all. I guess I can admit that. There is nothing deeper. Nothing to reveal. For that reason, maybe I can just form relationships without feeling like I'm not a fit or like I am alone. Maybe I only am what is before me. So much "depth" to me maybe never existed at all. I'm okay giving up that dream. There was nothing really that satisfying about it anyway. It makes me feel ... more like me, and somehow I think that is a good criterion for truth.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  9. #29
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    How do you cope with NOT being in a relationship? Do you feel like you are constantly waiting to meet the next one or "the one"?
    I'm not sure. On one hand I feel like I am missing out on something, on the other hand it doesn't work for me to be with someone just to not be alone. I don't actually do anything to find "the one", except keep my eyes open, so I guess it's not like the most important thing in my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    Do you find every day to be painful like I do? What do you do to get through these trying times?
    I used to feel this way, but it made me do some stupid choices (because I was somewhat obsessed with the idea that I need someone) and now I try to keep in mind that there are so few people I love as friends that there must be very very few people I could have the kind of relationship I want. It does feel like the chances are slim for this, though...

  10. #30
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    I get what you guys are saying about feeling single, even if you're in a relationship, because the "right" connection isn't there. I think we have to be deeply and profoundly in love to feel truly part of a pair. I've only been in love once in my life, and that was the only time I felt like I was in the right place, romantically speaking. It surprised me - it's not a feeling a person could contrive.

    The world is such a big, exciting, terrifying place. I want to see it, taste it, touch it. I feel like that is my main goal, and it relieves me of the grind of "the one" not being there. Just greater than the sum of it's parts, you know? I feel compelled to live authentic, and that can't happen if I'm involving another human being in something ( aka romance) that isn't attaching itself to me on all levels. And in a guy, I need the spirituality, the curiosity about the world, the kindness to others that I crave for myself.

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